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Too Scared to do Anything


Anguished
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Anybody have any experience with humiliation fantasies?

It’s a disease. I think the cause of this is that so many of my encounters have ended that way.

I don’t have any positive memories to recollect, so when aroused I go to the mental bank of what I know, and it’s usually a girl trying to hold back laughter. Those are just the only sexual memories I have. For the average woman, there is nothing more amusing/hilarious than a man with a little dick. And they can’t wait to tell their friends, I have literally never seen a group of women cackle over any other subject the way they do over small dicks.

And it makes me feel horrible about myself. I hate myself for being this weak.

But then, during masturbation, I’ll have these bizarre thoughts of women I know laughing at my penis.

Healthy, right? I don’t know what the hell to do. My one sexual release is what I fear the most. It’s disgusting, but I have no idea how to beat this pathology.

I’m so scared of being exposed; I can’t even bring myself to talk to women. The thought of living through another round of everyone I know joking about my disability is more than I can handle. If the secret breaks again, I don’t know that I could go on. It sounds strange to say, but living in humiliation every day of my life is a sentence worse than dying.

I’m in college and I am forced to speak with women often, and with some I get the impression that they want me to make a move. But then I don’t, and when I leave, there they are looking confused.

I want to take a shot, I really do, but I would kill myself if I had to walk into a classroom one day and hear a pack of women break into hysterics at my expense. To get up and go back, knowing what I would face there every day, couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t. Can’t take the risk.

I know, this was a lot of scrambled thoughts that don’t really flow together. I don’t know what else to say, I’m not even sure why I’m posting this. I needed to vent, I guess. This is the only place I have to voice the thoughts in my head.

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Hey, what happened with the woman last time?

I don't think what you are feeling is uncommon and I've done it myself once or twice. Even been on live web cam show and asked her to take the pee out of me. Sometimes they did it without me asking and asked how big it was. (This was the female domination part of the site). Nearly every mistress on the sites has small penis humiliation listed, must be a big market for it. I have to say it has not helped me one bit thinking back. I was often drunk and high whilst on these sites and probably couldn't achieve a full hard on but still the worry is still there.

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What about trying to allow some positives in your fantasies? Imagine what it might be like when you are with a woman who appreciates and respects you as you are.

It's hard for me to imagine a woman who truly cared about you humiliating or disrespecting you in any way. :o

I’m in college and I am forced to speak with women often, and with some I get the impression that they want me to make a move.

Have you tried to simply enjoy the conversations? Sounds as though the women enjoy talking with you. This is a good thing! I think sometimes we can get caught up with trying to force things, rather than living within the moments.

I want to take a shot, I really do, but I would kill myself if I had to walk into a classroom one day and hear a pack of women break into hysterics at my expense. To get up and go back, knowing what I would face there every day, couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t. Can’t take the risk.

Maybe there is some way to lessen the power those fears and feelings have over you. Try thinking of the potentials you are relinquishing when you don't try. I understand that it must be very hard, but I hope that you consider taking the risks that give you the chance at the happiness you deserve.

I also hope that expressing your feelings proves to be helpful.

Edited by IrmaJean
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