Grief & Regret for way my life turned out

[windsybarbie]

Hi Everyone:

Has anyone ever felt guilt and shame for having the life you led b/c of the abuse? Since I started retrieving my repressed memories, I have been beating myself up. I have lost a lot in my life and that I can never get back. I can't help but think, what type of wife & mother I could have been.

This summer I have been thinking of how things could have been different if I was not processing my memories all these years. I am so ashamed of things that have happened in my life. Unfortunately, my life is such a blur and it seems so unreal. I can't believe this is happening now and this is my present life, being alone & unloved. I don't even remember my nieces growing up. Has anyone else felt this way? What do you do with the feelings & abandonment?

This year I retreated and was trying to take a hiatus from my family for my own mental health. However now I really regret my choices, as I lost out on alot being with my friends and great nephew.

My dissociation was coming more evident, and I was scared of humiliation & embarassment. For myself & for my family, as I hurt them enough, and I didn't want to ruin anymore relationships. Next year I hope to go out to the lake again, but this year I just couldn't. Now I feel ashamed and a very bad person for being selfish and trying to take care of me for once. My family's solution about my disclosure is to neglect & abandon windsy.

:)Starting Sept 7,2010 I want to be a "new person" who will be working the entire ten months this year. I do NOT want any physical or emotional issues getting in the way. I want to be part of other's lives but I want to be recognized and appreciated for what I do. I don't want to be alone and neglected & abandoned anymore. Is this okay to wish for? I want to have that life & voice I was meant to be, and not suffer from the effects of abuse and trauma.

Thanks for being here and I look forward to your responses. I know I will try to have a good week, and my wish is for everyone to have a great week.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Windsy

Good luck to you on you being a "new Person" . What a great way to allow a few days of your old self and then a new day to start a new one.

Your determination will help you succeed and I wish you the best for your "new life"

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Windsy,

To answer your question, those who were abused always feel guilty. In fact, in psychotherapy, one of the goals is to help the patient get over that guilt and deeply understand that the abuse was NOT their fault.

Indeed, give up the guilt and be that new person or, really, the person who you are because the person who you are is good and wonderful.

Allan:)

[Endlessnight]

Hello Windsy. I hope you can be that 'new' person, and get on with your life.

It's okay to be gentle on yourself and to give yourself a break, that doesn't mean you are selfish, that's the guilt trying to get to you. Ignore it and be yourself.

Take care.