windsybarbie Posted September 5, 2010 Report Share Posted September 5, 2010 Hi Everyone:Has anyone ever felt guilt and shame for having the life you led b/c of the abuse? Since I started retrieving my repressed memories, I have been beating myself up. I have lost a lot in my life and that I can never get back. I can't help but think, what type of wife & mother I could have been. This summer I have been thinking of how things could have been different if I was not processing my memories all these years. I am so ashamed of things that have happened in my life. Unfortunately, my life is such a blur and it seems so unreal. I can't believe this is happening now and this is my present life, being alone & unloved. I don't even remember my nieces growing up. Has anyone else felt this way? What do you do with the feelings & abandonment? This year I retreated and was trying to take a hiatus from my family for my own mental health. However now I really regret my choices, as I lost out on alot being with my friends and great nephew.My dissociation was coming more evident, and I was scared of humiliation & embarassment. For myself & for my family, as I hurt them enough, and I didn't want to ruin anymore relationships. Next year I hope to go out to the lake again, but this year I just couldn't. Now I feel ashamed and a very bad person for being selfish and trying to take care of me for once. My family's solution about my disclosure is to neglect & abandon windsy. :)Starting Sept 7,2010 I want to be a "new person" who will be working the entire ten months this year. I do NOT want any physical or emotional issues getting in the way. I want to be part of other's lives but I want to be recognized and appreciated for what I do. I don't want to be alone and neglected & abandoned anymore. Is this okay to wish for? I want to have that life & voice I was meant to be, and not suffer from the effects of abuse and trauma. Thanks for being here and I look forward to your responses. I know I will try to have a good week, and my wish is for everyone to have a great week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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