Maxmin Posted September 19, 2008 Report Share Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) I really need help.About almost a year ago, my dad died and I had a job I was trying to quit to get to him but I didn't get there in time. At the same time my husband and I moved to a new state and I didn't want to move there it's farther from my mom.Ok so about a month after all that I started having all this fear: fear of dying alone, what will become of me, what am I going to do etc.Went to a physician who gave me ativan....later returned asking for xanax. It had given me relief before but 1/2 pill lasted like 3 days for me then. Not now.So I'm staying in this old house in this state both of which I don't like and I'm miserable. I can't do anything. I can't unpack don't want to. I don't feel like eating...or doing anything. Not sleeping well maybe 2 hours a night.So then I ran and I mean ran to my mom's state and stayed there thinking I would be better. Well I was better but not great.So back to this state.....then back to that state.Finally in my mom's state I went to a clinic. They gave me lexapro and vistaril and clonopin. Ok but not great.I'm back in my husband's state. And I'm getting worse. The worst thing is he works in mental health and he thinks I'm just doing this to get him to move from this house he likes.I'm so torn and tormented. I hate it here. Of course I'm not a cleaner and it's a big house. I lost my dad, my apartment of over 20 years, and my job of over 20 years and I'm a mess.I don't know what to do or where to go for help. I tried to find help in this state and they said it would be like a 3 month wait. I called my other state to get refills and they won't because they haven't seen me in a month.It's ridiculous. I don't know what to do. Can't make any decisions. I feel like there is nothing I want anymore. I give up. Lost all interest in things I liked. I stay in this awful house and he's not here most of the time due to long commute. I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel homeless.I get out of bed and lay back down and then up and down all day.That's it.I feel my life is over. I think I need a job but where? which state?I feel I won't be able to even try and get a job.I mean I can't do anything anymore. I feel dead inside. but yet panicked all the time. I feel fear in my stomach and heart like I'll have a heart attack.I smoke more and more.They say the hardest thing is asking for help well I've been asking and not getting any.I mean I know you really can't try and get treatment in two different places but well that's the dilemma I'm in. I mean that's part of the whole issue so what else could I do?Nothing is happy, nothing is fun.....everything is miserable.I went to a physician in my mom's state and he tested my thyroid but nothing showed.He also told me to quit sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I was wasting my life. This infuriated me..I mean he's right but I don't know how to quit wasting my life. It's awful.Can anyone out there get me out of this?I feel like I'm going crazy and I'll never get it back.I would appreciate any help.Thanks so much. Edited September 19, 2008 by Maxmin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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