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Am I gay? Am I a pedophile?


CielObscur
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It's not just the fact that I look at gay porn, though that does make me doubt myself. I'm 20 and I've never been in a relationship. During the past year or so, I've kind of thought that I'd rather be the one "taken care of" in a relationship, and for that the other party would have to be a guy. Sounds ridiculous when I say it and I'm sure people will correct me but that's how I feel. Also when I think back, I've never really felt anything for a girl. But then again when I think of being with another guy it's just too weird. On top of all that, though I disgust myself when I do so and immediately change my train of thought, I seem to enjoy looking at pre-teens, of either sex. I've never looked up CP, and as far as I know I've never actually fantasized about doing anything with a kid. Is it normal to be this confused about one's sexuality? :rolleyes: And before you tell me to talk to my therapist about this last part, there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going to do that. I have talked about the first part though.

I've tried to avoid even thinking about the pedo thing, now it's out there. Damn. I'm hideous.

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I often wonder whether the point of some of these obsessions isn't to make oneself seem just as "hideous" as possible ... Why go to such lengths? Probably because one isn't as hideous as one feels, so it's necessary to embellish.

Ciel, you say you "look" at pre-teens, but you've never "actually fantasized about doing anything with a kid". So, what's pedophilic about that? I look at children all the time; for one thing, you don't run into them so often, that way. ;-)

Children are often beautiful in ways adults are not. But that thought isn't related to sexuality at all.

Is it normal to be confused about one's sexuality? Absolutely, especially when you're young and inexperienced. The important question is, where's the hurry? Get to know some people first. The sex thing will work itself out gradually, but it's a lot more comfortable with friends that with strangers, anyway.

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Ciel, you say you "look" at pre-teens, but you've never "actually fantasized about doing anything with a kid". So, what's pedophilic about that? I look at children all the time; for one thing, you don't run into them so often, that way. ;-)

Children are often beautiful in ways adults are not. But that thought isn't related to sexuality at all.

Beauty, not related to sexuality? Isn't that, like, the only function of beauty in an evolutionary sense? We can talk all we like about our art and our philosophy and our science, but in the end we're just animals.

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Sure, beauty not related to sexuality. I majored in Biology; I can give you a purpose for beautiful babies right off the top of my head: so that we take even more care with them than we would if they were ugly. See? No sexual implication at all, yet a perfectly good, animal, reason.

Do I think that's all there is to it? No; I believe that while we are animals, we're more than that. At the very least, we're aware animals. Certainly, we mess with natural selection at every point that we can, even to the detriment of the species as a whole.

Why would I bother to think of scenery as beautiful, if the only role that the concept of beauty plays in my evolution is reproductive? You can say all you'd like about how our brains evolved; what we've done with them since then is really what matters.

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Heh. I don't like being right; I only do it to be annoying. :-)

One of my favorite sayings is that "normal" is the perpendicular to the tangent plane, but only mathematicians know what the heck I'm talking about ...

Edited by malign
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