SongBird Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 I had a panic attack yesterday. I've never had one before. It scared me more than half to death, and I was wondering if anyone had any advice. Whole story below.It was a later in the evening, and I was with my good friend Ayden. I was dozing on his shoulder, and we were laying on the floor of my living room. No one else was in the house at the time. He had one arm wrapped around me, and his other hand was covering mine, which was resting on his chest. We're both pretty tired, and half asleep. All of a sudden, I open my eyes and stare at his hand, suddenly convinced he was going to hit me. I've never EVER been abused, and he is the most laid-back, easy-going, sweetheart in existance.But I digress.I can't move, suddenly. All I can do is stare at his hand, suddenly tense, screaming mentally for him to notice. And eventually he does, looking down at me and asking what's wrong. I say something about him hiding his hand, and he does, but by then it's too little, too late. I start trembling, badly. He reaches out for me, totally surprised, and I jerk away extremely quickly, utterly terrified. And then I black out.I have very little memory of what happened for the next ten minutes after that, just that I couldn't breathe well and that I was utterly terrified. Ayden, recognizing what's going on (his sister has panic attacks a lot), has managed to orient himself, and I 'come to' because of his gentle, calm words telling me I am safe, at home, with him. And that I need to breathe, which I try to do, with a middling degree of sucess. After a bit, he reaches out and tucks my hair away from my face, and I find his touch comforting. But then my mother (outside throughout this) called my name, and I found it so utterly disgusting that I lost it again, burying my face in Ayden's shoulder and shaking badly.I cannot speak. I cannot cry. I can only scream out for help in my mind.Finally, finally, I feel well enough to sit up--and end up curled up on the floor, a blanket over my head, begging Rune (my Muse/'imagionary friend' (long story)) to help me. He promises to come quickly, and I compose myself enough to walk outside and feign delight at the dessert my mother has prepared, trying hard not to break down again. I'm still shaky today, and apperently that's normal. But I'm still scared. Yesterday feels like a horrifing nightmare--but could it happen again?Thanks for your time,~Song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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