Any Ideas?

[confused12]

Does anyone know why a person can't make eye contact with their therapist during therapy?

[chunternine]

I have trouble making eye contact in those situations because I tend to read to much into the facial expression and body language and end up distracted by assumptions of how they are reacting to my words.

/shrug :confused:

[confused12]

Thanks chunternine.

I actually want to make eye contact but I can't for some reason. I have great eye contact in the work place and in all other situations but not when I am in Therapy or actually with anyone in my mental health team?????

[nightfalls]

hello 1confused12

I think it is a anxiety thing, I totally can't make eye contact with people especially mental health professionals I really try to but always HAVE to look away it feels way too unfomfortable worse if I'm the one talking I normally look at the foor or walls to the side, know wonder the DR's always have pictures all over the place take care

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Chunternine, Confused12 and forgeting,

Making eye contact is such an interesting thing. One of Shakespeare's famous quotes was "the eyes are the window to the soul." Of course, he meant that it is possible to see into a person if you make eye contact.

In some cultures, making eye contact is a sign of disrespect. Here is where there can be a lot of misunderstanding. One person is avoiding eye contact to show respect but the other person, from a different culture, feels insulted!

In American and Western culture, when a man and woman make eye contact they are showing sexual interest. When two men make eye contact they are challenging each other to a fight. I remember using the subway system in New York City for many years. There was no doubt that to avoid trouble, you avoided eye contact.

Those who are autistic avoid eye contact. It is too painful for them to look.

Many people avoid eye contact out of embarassment. Especially those who are shy.

As children, when we are scolded, we tend to look down, out our shoes, feeling very upset.

Any ideas?

Allan:o

[paula]

HI ALL

I know what you mean about eye contact :eek: That is my biggest problem when I attend any of my Appointments! I cannot look them in the eye. Afraid that they can read my mind! I know they can't but it's alway's there in the back of my mind?

I also feel that having eye contact is a way of sexual meaning also. I suppose it's the way you look into their eye's. Let's face it, you can read some signs from looking into their eye's. Eg: When someone's thinking, you know that there thinking of something, but don't know what?

You can always tell by the way a person's eye's are glaring. Slyly, loved up, angry, hatred.

Do you know, in a book that I once read, it said that you should never look a cat straight in the eye's, because the cat thinks you are challenging him? I have noticed with other cats though, that if they come walking into my back garden and my cat is there, that they never continiously look each other in the eye. They will look at each other, then they will both look away when one sees the other looking at him. Strange isn't it?

You've got to think as well, your eyes are one of your main features. They come in different sizes, colours.

Well to set the record straight! My eyes are BIG and the colour of them are green. What's every body elses colour and size?

Paula

[confused12]

Thanks everyone

I have just read Allan's 'Rss Upfront' article on eye contact. Interesting. I have thought about it further and I have identified several things about why I struggle to have eye contact with my mental health team.

#1-I feel naked - that they will be able to see all my faults and imperfections.

#2 - If I don't look at them, they won't see me - it sounds so dumb.

# 3 - I have am not worthy - ? not sure where this one comes from but it's there.

#4 - I am embarrassed/ashamed/done something wrong.

# 5 - I can bare the message of the reaction. (= anxious)

[Proverbs31:28]

Thanks everyone

I have just read Allan's 'Rss Upfront' article on eye contact. Interesting. I have thought about it further and I have identified several things about why I struggle to have eye contact with my mental health team.

#1-I feel naked - that they will be able to see all my faults and imperfections.

#2 - If I don't look at them, they won't see me - it sounds so dumb.

# 3 - I have am not worthy - ? not sure where this one comes from but it's there.

#4 - I am embarrassed/ashamed/done something wrong.

# 5 - I can bare the message of the reaction. (= anxious)

I can relate to #1-3, as well. I am typically very good at making eye contact, except when my anxiety kicks in. I start to feel like others can see the panic or confusion in my eyes. As for therapists, I normally try to make eye contact but when we are discussing a particularly embarassing or triggering topic, I find myself looking away.

I am glad you were able to figure this out. I hope understanding it gives you a little more power in this area.

Oh, and as for the respect thing Allan mentioned, I do find making eye contact to be a sign of respect. I absolutely cannot and will not make eye contact with my XH as I have NO respect for him, at all.

[nightfalls]

this is a interessting topic:)

I think for me I feel very embarassed, alot of times I don't like to talk about how I feel not at all. I don't like people knowing, I want them to think that everything is fine, I tell them it is fine but with mental health DR's it is like I know they know its not fine but I just CAN'T tell them everything I mabe need to. especially if they are looking straight at me totally freaks me out, I get a panic attack and then totally freeze more. I sometimes wish I could just turn my chair around backwards to talk to them, that would help:eek:

[nightfalls]

another thought on this, is that I think I'm a people pleaser. I don't want to upset anyone, or cause any consern. I don't like attention focused on me. I feel like I've let whoever down if I have to tell someone I'm not ok. It is like a huge failure on me. I guess this all go's with the avoiding eyes you can be more non-personal, less invaided.

I'm curious what a Mental health professional thinks or tells by a client not making eye contact or making eye contact? Does it kinka spell it all out to them or make it difficult? just wondering.

[confused12]

Yes forgetting.

I think I am a people pleaser too. I just had community attention on me today. I am very uncomfortable. I think if I told someone that I wans't ok I would be letting them down. I think it makes it difficult as it seams to prompt question within themselves, What is going on for 'client'. This then prompts more questions from the therapist to the client to see where there at. This is my experience, as a client. The questions can feel quite intense and confrunting which results in me shutting down. I then think about what messages I am giving the therapist. An I start questing myself, am I being difficult to deal with? Am I using this to stop myself from confronting the real issue? No wonder I get confused!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi 1confused12,

Of course you are being difficult for your therapist. After all, if you cannot be difficult for your therapist to deal with, who can you be difficult with?

By the way, tell your therapist what you are thinking and feeling, especially when you find the questioning hard to tolerate. Perhaps your therapist is unaware that you are having a hard time with questions.

How about this: Instead of trying to please everyone else, do and say things to please your self!!!

Allan

[confused12]

Thank you all so much for replying with your own experiences.

Hi 1confused12,

By the way, tell your therapist what you are thinking and feeling, especially when you find the questioning hard to tolerate. Perhaps your therapist is unaware that you are having a hard time with questions.

Allan

I now have another question; why do I not feel during therapy sessions. Anxiety exists but nothing beyond that. If anxiety is not present I am in the nothing zone. When I get home I am flattened by intense feelings which I fight away so I can carryout my mothering roll.