Sad

[jetsea]

Well, I've been battling depression for about 15 years. I am on anxiety and depression medications. They have already been raised to the max. I sent my husband a text Friday morning. I basically had a meltdown and tried to explain how I felt to him. I just didn't want to be around anyone. Our stepdaughter moved out (17) and it broke out hearts. He brought it up Thursday night and it really got me upset. He was teary eyed and it sent me into a tailspin. Instead of listening to what I said about needing some time to myself, he wanted me to instantly feel better and be happy. He made it so hard. I do not feel like having sex, or cuddling and kissing. I just want to hide somewhere for awhile until I can begin to come out of it. Then, on the way to Dallas, he chastised me in front of the younger step-daughter. It really hurt. All he could say is what did you want me to do? Uh, not say it, Uh say it a different way. He trys so hard to make me happy, and most of the time I am, but it just kept pushing this weekend. I feel miserable, because I basically shut down and pretty much ruined the weekend. I am having a hard time feeling better.

Yes. I have gone to counselers on and off for several years. I am currently seeing a psychotherapist or psychologist, I'm not sure which title he uses. He is good and has helped me with the medication. I was feeling better until the stepdaughter moved out. It was devastating to both of us. It is difficult for me to talk to him because he just gets frustrated when I try to explain. I could have fired back at him when he chastised me about the younger daughter, but I don't want to play that way. I could have reminded him that a few minutes later that he hadn't done such a good job a few minutes before.

[jetsea]

Well, I made it through work today. I wish I had the joy other people have in just living. It frustrates me that I was doing well and then suddenly crashed. I want to think positive thoughts, but the idea seems so foreign at this minute that I can't imagine conjuring one up. I did win a drawing today, so that made me feel a little better. Just very overwhelmed at work and then still facing the crushed feeling. I want to go to bed write now, but husband will probably be frustrated if I go to bed that early.

[IrmaJean]

Good morning, jetsea. I'm sorry you are sad. I can understand your sense of loss with your stepdaughter moving out. Did this happen on good terms? It's tough letting them go, I know. I can remember crying when my kids first started school. Now my oldest is 18 and in college. :eek: They grow up before you know it and this is a huge reminder that time passes quickly. I think as parents this is what we set out to do...even when it is very hard. We love them, we teach them the best that we can, we give them their wings, and then let them fly...and hope for the best. I'm not sure of the circumstances that your daughter left, but even if you think she is making a mistake, it could be something she learns from. I know all of this doesn't make it any easier, but I do think having mixed feelings about this is perfectly natural. Talk it over with your counselor and hopefully this will help.

As to your husband, I'm sorry he is not being very supportive at this time. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with grief, so it must be difficult for you that he doesn't seem to understand what you need right now. Maybe you could try explaining it to him again? It could be that he is seeing things through his own grief too. Take care, jetsea.

[jetsea]

Thank you. I appreciate your response. I guess what hurt so much is that she basically has turned her back on her Dad (and me). I know I probably need to talk to my husband more about this. I think he hears what he wants to hear. Thanks for the response.

[notmary]

Hi Jetsea,

your words struck home with me as we are having troubles with my 16 year old daughter and communication with the husband is not great right now either. Sometimes when we have gotten like this we have written notes to one another. it sometimes helps to take the emotions out of the words. I hope that you are able to find a way to reach out to your husband.

[jetsea]

Yes. I have written him a note before. It usually helps. It is just amazing to me how cruel young people can be. They can literally turn their love on and off. Of course with my step d it is on when she gets what she wants and off when she doesn't. She is loving her Grandma at the moment because she is giving her everything she wants. Which includes failing high school, not finishing high school and getting married before she is 18. I will try writing Jeff again. I am just so sad, that I was doing so well, and then just caved in. I do have a lot of things going on (stressful job), home situation, etc. But I see others handling their lives and it makes me wonder why I can' t get through my life without be so down.

[jago45]

This probably won't help much, but I (and probably most of us) have encountered the same situation. People who are not depressed don't seem to be able to understand what it's like or how to help. They often blame me for it and tend to withdraw from contact.

For all its BS about countering stigma associated with mental illness, I don't see where the government is doing a very good job in this respect either. They tend to lump everyone who has been treated for a mental illness into one category. For some things, you have to relinquish your right to have your medical records confidential. No, they can't force you to allow access to your psychological records, it's just that if you don't, you won't get the job or permit or whatever that you're applying for. I wonder if Abraham Lincoln (who suffered from depression) would have been treated like that and the likely outcome to the country

[jetsea]

Yes. It did help. I'm grateful for your response. I did write him a note and tried to explain what I was going through. I think it helped him understand where I'm coming from. I wish I could be a better person for him and not put him through the sadness. I work every day not too.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jetsea,

As a father who raised two daughters who are now fully adult and independent, I have to ask you why you are crushed by one of your stepdaughters moving out. It seems to me you could be celebrating. I remember those teen years with my children and how awful it was.

Has it occurred to you that you and your husband can celebrate her liberating herself from you? All over the world, you can hear a sound of relief when children grow up and leave. That sound comes from their parents.

Is it difficult for you to feel good about things? Is it difficult for you to feel entitled to feel good about things?

Allan

[jetsea]

You are quite possibly right. I was just talking to my husband last night about how we didn't have to listen to her complain, put up with her bad attitude etc. The thing is, she's 17 and a junior in high school with no skills to rely on in the real world. She is dating a worthless moocher that thinks he is going to put her through college on a Chicken Express salary. I guess it hurts that I have no children and I always wanted to have a good relationship with a child of my own, and then she basically spits in our faces. I am realistic and understand life isn't always what you want it to be. It also concerns us that she always runs to her grandmother when she needs something. She needs to learn to handle the consequences of her actions, not run to someone else to fix her mistakes. The boyfriend wants her to be pregnant and live in this fantasy world of perfection. It also hurts that is mother allowed this and basically is saying we can not raise her, because she can do it better. My husband's sister has already taken the parents for a ride, ran up their credit card and caused them to file bankruptcy. I am the first to admit that I can lose perspective and perhaps I have. I truly appreciate your response.

[Guest ASchwartz]

jetsea,

All of us parents (step or otherwise) worry about our children. My wife and I spent lots of time worrying. You know what I got for it? I am now almost bald and she and I almost have PTSD.

Seriously though, we learned in a very real way that there is nothing we can do after a certain age regardless of how we disapprove. At least she has grandparents to run to and I suggest you and your husband just reassure yourselves about that.

You know, there is nothing like learning from experience and your stepdaughter will learn a lot from her experiences.

In my experience, many of these "crazy" kids who rebel end up coming to their senses. Sometimes it might not come until they are 30 years old, but it happens.

Have hope and courage and you and your husband live your lives and love one another and the other daughter, also.

Allan

[jetsea]

Well, apparently I'm in worse shape than I thought. I misread a teacher inservice catalogue and went to the wrong sessions. Now the reading specialist is wondering what the blank I was thinking. I am wondering what the blank I was thinking. The two workshops I went to 1/2 day each, truly helped me (and I wanted to know more about the topics), but is is not boding well with the reading specialist. I totally understand. Now I feel like an idiot and I'm sure she thinks I am an idiot.