Watch out for Karen Owen

[Anguished]

I realize that most of the members here are "across the pond" from me, so this story may have slipped by anyone not in the States.

A national story has erupted over a young woman who posted a powerpoint presentation to the internet regarding her lovers during her time in college.

This thing was 42-pages, complete with names and pictures of the men, as well as rankings of their size and sexual performance. The details confirm my worst fears.

I mean, on and on about how great the sex is with KingCock. What about the small guys? Well, she did what is most typical. She doesn't want anything to do with them anymore so she has a few laughs with her friends, which is probably what every woman that has ever seen me has done.

She has every right to discuss her sexuality, but to name names publicly is just despicable. And it's more than just names.

She ridicules one "subject", as she calls him, explaining that she had to take 5 deep breaths and choke back laughter. And this guy got called out publicly!!!

I would have probably killed myself had my name, face, picture, and all the other became national news. Thankfully, news organizations have now blurred the images and taken off the names, but it was out there for far to long for that to stop anything. I'm serious, it's all I could think about all day. To wake up and the entire world knows. To google yourself, and that is the only result. Unimaginable.

I really don't want to make this woman the scape-goat for all of my problems, but the truth is, I wouldn't be so goddamn lonely and unhappy if it weren't for women like this cunt.

And what really pisses me off the most? The fact that no one else is pissed. Or, at least, no one else considers this a gross, unethical act. Sure, people are critical, but no one gives a shit about these poor guys.

It always seems to hold true. There is just nothing funnier than a guy with a little dick. Fuck me.

[lifeless existence]

I saw that a few days ago. The presentation and the way people have reacted to it have really dragged me down. The way it's been handled....it's like no one thinks what she did is really all that bad. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like I didn't already know that it's socially acceptable to ridicule a man for being small. But it really hurts to see it play out on such a large scale. She's been rewarded for this. She's been made famous and you can bet that a big payday is right around the corner (can you say "six figure book deal"?). I truly hope that the emotional pain she's inflicted on them (and us) comes back to her a million-fold with an enormous dose of unimaginable physical agony thown in for good measure. She deserves nothing less.

[Anguished]

Reverse the genders of the characters in this story and imagine the reactions then.

Let's say Karen Owen and 12 other women get named in this report that becomes part of world-wide public record.

Now, and for the rest of her life, when Googled, the results of her name would be "huge pussy lips", or "skank whore", or whatever. You get the idea, 13 innocent women get "famous" and, in the internet age, "infamous" for the rest of their lives over this private of information? It is now public record.

The outcry from media organizations and womens rights' groups would be loud and unforgiving.

The man responsible would be demonized by the media.

But this girl? Oh no.

This is the thing that stops me from dating. I'm still in college and while it is unlikely that a story would ever go national like this one has, I'm still worried that the range of the story would be my campus.

Now that the story is out, some women are going to think this is hilarious and start copying. I can't imagine showing my face around campus being "made famous" by some insidious report.

That's what I really take away from this: The unfortunate realization that what I've been doing - living lonely, without prospects, not risking humiliation - has in fact been the correct decision all along.

I couldn't handle that humiliation on a local level, let alone the worldwide spotlight these guys are now in. For shame, Karen Owen and those like you.

[flander]

Her parents must be so proud

[IrmaJean]

Anguished, I understand how reading this story could be very painful and upsetting, but I hope you won't allow the actions of one person, who is acting very insensitively and cruelly, to change the path you intend to take with your life. Making a choice to not give yourself the chance at the happiness you deserve can't be the answer. Allowing your fears of what "could happen" to control your actions in life now, serves to give those fears more power over you. There is risk in life just about every step you take. Please don't let the knowledge of this stop you from walking. I hope that you won't allow one woman to keep you from giving others a chance. Lessen her power and shine a light on your own. I'm sorry that you are feeling discouraged and sad right now, but you never know what tomorrow could bring if you are open to the possibilities. Take care.

[Anguished]

With respect, I feel that the 'one woman' assessment is terribly understated.

And I know that you come from a place of compassion, but I think that sometimes your optimism leads you to conclusions that are more positive than they are realistic.

Her story did not 'create' this opinion, it has reinforced my previously-held belief that women are inherently untrustworthy with sensitive information about sex.

Seriously, am I wrong to hold that opinion?

You may think so, but this stance is justified by years of similar treatment from almost every woman I've ever met. While it has never been documented so publicly, this has happened to me before. And I'm not alone.

I'm not insinuating that women are always malicious, I'm saying that women blab. Whether or not she was trying to humiliate these men, she still spread the gossip around.

This behavior is much more the rule than the exception.

But, your point is well-taken.

Everything I've posted here is accurate, but where does that leave me?

Unhappy and hopeless, not open to the possibilities for something more?

Well, a few weeks ago, I ran into an old friend from high school that burned me years earlier. We had gone swimming together and it fun, for her and for me, until the next day at high school when I found out she told her friends that my package wasn't big enough, or that she was disappointed by the size, or whatever it was exactly.

I stopped communication after that. We didn't speak again for almost 10 years. Not until a few weeks ago.

After some small talk, we start making out. She wants things to go further, but I hesitate, and she wonders why.

She starts crying when I remind her what she did to me. She says she never meant to hurt me, and strangely, I believe her. Women are really odd like that. If I reveal someone's embarrassing secret, I am completely aware of the ramifications of that action, but it almost seems as if women speak to each other without any regard to the sensitivity of what's being said. Is that it? Are women just oblivious to this sort of thing?

According to her, yes, they are. She discussed it with her friends because we were young/inexperienced and she wanted some perspective on what happened. She looked to her friends for that, inadvertantly humiliating me.

I've told her what my life has been for the last several years (basically living in celibacy) and she really wants to help me, but I just can't allow myself to trust her. She wants me to talk to her about my problems and feelings about sex specifically and women in general, something that makes me feel weak/depressed/low/inadequate/etc. I can't bring myself to do it anymore. Having a conversation about how inadequate I am makes me want to die.

She is a good person and she always was. That's what makes dating such a dilemma. Even the good ones will burn you. And they may not even mean to, but when I have to meet her friends and I catch them giggling while looking at my crotch, it really doesn't matter what the fuck she intended to happen.

That's why I don't trust women. Deep down, when I'm really honest with myself, I want to take that risk, but I just don't see the payoff. The next one that doesn't laugh at my expense will be the first.

[IrmaJean]

What I meant, Anguished, was that you seem to be generalizing and making assumptions based on the behaviors/actions of some women. I'm sorry if that didn't come across quite right. I was writing in quickly before heading to work this AM.

It's true that I have some pretty strong idealistic tendencies, but I am well aware that there is a lot of cruelty out there. I don't think it's a matter of coming to conclusions...I think the idea is to allow the potential for positive outcomes.

Her story did not 'create' this opinion, it has reinforced my previously-held belief that women are inherently untrustworthy with sensitive information about sex.

Seriously, am I wrong to hold that opinion?

I bolded in your quote where you have generalized... Undoubtedly some women may be untrustworthy, but some does not constitute all. My thought is that any woman who truly cared for you would not do anything like this. Maybe consider saving yourself for someone who values and accepts you as you are.

You may think so, but this stance is justified by years of similar treatment from almost every woman I've ever met. While it has never been documented so publicly, this has happened to me before. And I'm not alone.

I am very sorry that women have treated you like this.

...I'm saying that women blab.

This is another generalization.

Are women just oblivious to this sort of thing?

I don't think this has anything to do with being a woman. It's a behavior that is insensitive. Some women are insensitive. Some men might be too. It's an individual thing that doesn't have to do with gender. It could be that some don't understand how deeply personal this can be to a man.

Having a conversation about how inadequate I am makes me want to die.

The feelings you have about yourself in this are your perception.

That's why I don't trust women. Deep down, when I'm really honest with myself, I want to take that risk, but I just don't see the payoff. The next one that doesn't laugh at my expense will be the first.

Maybe you do see the payoff and that is why you want to take the risk.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I hope that talking about it helps some. Wishing you well today.

[studentM]

deleted deleted deleted

[Anguished]

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember.

I woke up today at 5 a.m. from cold sweats. I've been reading the SPS threads for about 12 hours straight.

Posted a few times.

I learned two things today:

1. Every sentiment and emotion regarding SPS has already been said by someone else. So many of my own posts are just regurgitations of previous posts.

2. Whatever it is that I'm suppossed to be getting out of this, I'm just not getting it. I feel worse about my situation now than when I started.

When I started it really felt that I was taking control of my problem with women, but I've only just squirmed and festered in my own insecurity.

Thanks and good luck to everyone.

[flander]

She starts crying when I remind her what she did to me. She says she never meant to hurt me, and strangely, I believe her. Women are really odd like that. If I reveal someone's embarrassing secret, I am completely aware of the ramifications of that action, but it almost seems as if women speak to each other without any regard to the sensitivity of what's being said. Is that it? Are women just oblivious to this sort of thing?

In other words, she didn't mean for you to find out and she's sorry that she got caught. If women didn't care about size, why does practically everyone know what this gesture means?

[Fedup]

I have to agree. If a woman is still interested even knowing your size then it must be worth a shot especially as your fears are out in the open. Having said that I know I was still insecure about my size even when I'd already had sex with the woman.

[spiritual_emergency]

Anguished: Reverse the genders of the characters in this story and imagine the reactions then. ... But this girl? Oh no.

As someone who is outside of the issue I just wanted to say that I found her actions to be entirely distasteful and a poor reflection on her. I spoke up to say as much because I suspect many people feel the same way but simply choose not to comment.

[Anguished]

Upon reflection, it has become apparent to me that SPS is not my biggest problem. A few years ago I dated a woman that wanted me to marry her and now I have a woman that wants to date me so badly that she's willing to walk me through my insecurities step-by-step.

I guy like me could only dream of finding one woman that caring and understanding in a lifetime, let alone two.

However, I won't be pursuing either.

Why?

I have too much hatred and self-loathing; I could not be with anyone right now.

If the perfect woman fell into my lap, I really don't think I would be able to get it done. By "get it done", I mean all of it! Everything that an adult dating relationship is. All the responsbilities, the emotional and sexual. And a man needs a certain skill set (mental and physical) to "get it done" and I don't have it right now.

When you hate yourself it's impossible to care about someone else, even if its someone that loves and respects you. My penis became the centerpiece of my self-loathing, after time, I started to believe that my lack of size was my only problem. In other words, if I had a bigger penis I wouldn't hate myself. While this may be true for some, I fear that is not the case with me. My issues run deeper.

I'm going to look for answers somewhere more appropriate for me.

Thanks to all the members of the SPS forum. Godspeed in your pursuit of happiness.

[Fedup]

You're very lucky to have a woman willing to walk you through your insecurities step by step. You must have something good about you for these women to want to date you despite you doing your best to put them off. A couple of women could only last a couple of dates before my insecurities put them off.

[IrmaJean]

Anguished, you are wise and insightful. A lot of times things do run deeper. I agree with Skynight and hope that you will see a professional. I wish you wellness, healing and self-love, Anguished. Support is always here if you decide to keep posting or return at a later time. Take care.

[lifeless existence]

Good luck to you, Anguished. I hope you can find the answers that will help you move forward.

[Recluse]

good luck to you man. As long as you don't have a girth that is 4 inches and as pathetic as mine you will have hope. You may not be as bad off as your mind thinks. I hope all goes well for you with this situation.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Anguished,

Best of luck to you and may you never feel anguished about you sexuality again.

Allan:)