My decent day went bye,bye

[shanrucas]

Wouldn't you know it. Day started out good again, but it just kinda fizzled out from there.

I had been successful avoiding those triggers, but I swear today they came looking for me..everyone I was avoiding came and had to drag me into their drama..I finally escaped and came home only to find out that the house has an electrical issue..need to replace 2 breakers..one controls the furnace. I hope it isn't a cold winter.

I want to SCREAM!

[JustTrying]

Sorry you are having a bad day...

[Lindamomof7]

Hope you feel better, but I know all to well those changing feelings... situational cycling or not!!!

[shanrucas]

I know, it's like the accelerator gets stuck then someone slams on the brakes. :eek:

I did send an email to the local NAMI to see if they can help me with whatever I need to do to get back on meds.

In the meantime I think I will make an appt. with my Doctor.

[shanrucas]

Made an appt with my psychiatrist today..rapid cycling and/or mixed moods getting really out of control..can't keep going like this, hard to focus on anything. So he has got me started back on meds.

[shanrucas]

I'm trying so hard to do the right things. I try to avoid triggers such as stressful situations, meditate,etc. Since experiencing extreme rapid cycling even went to my phychiatrist and admitted that I was not managing mood swings as well as I thought and got back on meds to help.

Just when I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, my old house begins to rebell. Have electrical issues, had to get electrician to come do estimate, haven't heard back from him. And then the kitchen sink faucet explodes! hot water spraying all over, shooting all over ceiling and walls, I dove under sink to shut off water getting totally drenched in the process, bump my head but I did shut it off. Plumber will come out Monday and I have very little money to pay for all these repairs. All I could do is just laugh at the situation. Thinking that its getting close to Halloween and I must have a poltergiest living here. :eek:

Can't catch a break.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Shannon

Hope all your problems go away. Yeah triggers or should I say, Life?? Yeah I'm kind of in the same boat. Very agitated, still in pj's, focused on the TV and dont give a crap.

I did though have a trigger too, from one of the women in my support group, but I handled it like an adult and not like a child, ok so good for me, but she is so defensive and finds negative in everything just like my mom used to do. Too many similarities So, screw them. They are the ones with the problems dealing with conflict and reality of agreeing to disagree so too bad for them. I cant apologise for there behaviors and I never will...

Ok well sorry for rambling, but we seem to be in the same boat trying to deal with, Life...

Try a diversion and try to keep your house problems organized and in perspective. Little by little things will get better....

[shanrucas]

Hi Linda

Boy, seems we are living on the same course of life or what. I'm still in my pjs too. I'm doing my best just not to think of the needed repairs in house, it is what it is. It's a beautiful fall day here, wish I could take the dogs on a long walk that always feels good, no one to sit with mom though. So I guess I will mow the lawn, I have one of those reel lawn mowers, don't like to use the gas for gas mower besides its better for the lawn and I get some exercise.

I know what you mean by dealing with negativity of others. There was a woman at our stables that made it difficult to be her friend. Every aspect in her life was a negative and she would twist anything anyone said the wrong way and took eveything personal..even if it had nothing to do with her. I finally gave up even trying to be supportive to her. She apparently wanted to live life in the negative. After she burned everyone who offered friendship she moved her horse to another place, because she said no one liked her. It was like dealing with a over 50 year old child. Everything has been pretty peaceful out there since. I heard she moved from the new place for the same reasons.

LOL, looks like I'm rambling back at you. Gonna attempt to take your advice and find something to do. Maybe sit out on the deck and get some fresh air, read a book or something, haven't done that in awhile. Still fill like staying in my pjs though.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Shannon,

yes it is beautiful here in New Jersey as well but it is a little windy. I had planned the other day and told my husband we are going to go with the kids apple picking or something for today, instead of him working all day around the house and its mostly the stuff "I" havent done. He was willing but I crashed and said nope not going anywhere. So he is cleaning with the kids....

Just dont give a shit about anything!! The house could burn down and I wouldnt care. Gees it is so tough to feel this way. Almost good too in a strange way that there are absolutely no expectations. Good? Bad? dont know but something to talk about with my therapist.

Yeah people are strange arent they?? I can always pick out the people who have some kind of personality disorder because they are just misereable and filled with angst, negative thoughts and LOVE conflict!!! But it is hard to be their friend, yes they push away everyone and is defensive and always blames others for everything and then they burn the bridges of any relationships they have.

Ok not sure if it meets the DSM criteria but it is so dysfunctional to see and be around...

Have fun with the lawn, I dont even want to sit on my porch, the couch has my name stamped forever on it!!!

[shanrucas]

Thanks Linda for talking with me it helps. It took every ounce of energy left to go do something physical, but I did it and then Mom and I had something to eat..but here I am back on the couch too.

I do feel a bit better than I did last week. The out of control racing thoughts have at least slowed down. I think if it were the situational stuff going on I would actually be motivated to get back to my school work. But truthfully I just don't want to do anything that involves brain power.

My mom has to go into the hospital over night tomorrow for a sleep study. It's her second one, she qualifies for a CPAP mask, has sleep apnea thats related to MS. I am starting to feel a bit anxious about it. Its hard to see her all hooked up with stuff and I can only imagine how uncomfortable she will be for it..I find myself down playing for her, telling her she will be back at home before she knows it. I will be glad when it's all over and things can get back to my kind of normal.

I hope you will be feeling better soon too.

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Shannon

Yes I think getting a handle on the chemical vs situational moods can be helpful. How ever you and I can do it is just helpful to understanding another piece to all of this.

Mine could be situational but I think I handled a conflict this week rather good! So good for me? Don't know yet.

And,Everytime I see my Psychiatrist within 24 hrs, down I go. I'm not sure the reason, he noticed it and thought by telling me it could help figure it out. Not sure though, see he doesn't do outpatient but he sees me and his office is in the private psychaiatric hospital I go to, not on the unit but i still ahve to go in the front doors.

So although I go and handle it and there arent always signs that is upsets me like having a panic attack in the parking lot like I have done in the past, I'm just wondering if it is really overwhelming. The sounds, the smells, the people who I really have come to know really good but still, it must be something....

So we have to just figure out our little triggers that although at the moment aren't big triggers but maybe they will turn into that big trigger to alter our attitude and mood... Always more to think about.... ???

Good luck with the sleep study, I know how they are...

And keep up the good work !!!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Linda,

This is just a question and a guess made in the dark but: Is it possible that you get over anxious in the parking lot because, even though you are seeing your psychiatrist privately, entering the psych hospital triggers bad memories and associations?

Allan

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Allan, yes it does seem to tie together.

My therpsiat and I have been talking about it and thats what I thought. What I find interesting is how I can immediately feel anxious some times and other times, I try so hard to keep it under control when I feel "good" and then I leave still feeling good but at some point within the next 24 hrs or so, I start to spiral.

Dont know if it is a cycle since I see him weekly or is it that I really do get triggered and still dont have a handle on handling my unconsious triggers...

[shanrucas]

I think I see what you mean Linda, it's kinda like the chicken and the egg theory, which comes first. I often feel I am on top of things and doing really well, not thinking about those little things that are stressful, focused on something else and them bam! I start spiraling down. Sometimes I am able to stop and reflect and figure it out, like you said sometimes its simple as a sound, sight or smell . Other times I just can't figure it out and I think maybe it is situtional stresses.

If I can pinpoint it I seem to be able to move on, but other times it's like I over analyze and it feels like I am just chasing my own tail and making things worse. Don't know if I'm making sense here or not. I guess I am trying to say is that there are times I can work it out in my brain and makes sense of it and other times I just can't get a grip. The times I can make sense of it as to the whys I am able to fix it in my own mind and the times I can't I feel the need to just shut down for awhile.

Today I feel like I was doing better because I was feeling good, then I went to get flu shot and I started to wonder if I was feeling good because I started getting manic again, recognized some of my own behaviors and stopped myself from acting on an impulse. I am pretty proud of myself for doing that, not that it helps, realizing that lately everyday seems to be my own private battle field of highs and lows and searching for the in between.

[shanrucas]

Don't know if anyone is out there, It's going on 1:30 am where I'm at. feeling rather restless tonight..or rather this morning. Had a great time with some friends, but it left me yearning for something more. I don't know if I can explain it. I found myself reflecting on times of the past and what I have done and been through, pleasant thoughts but like I said it left yearning for some of those times..a time when everything was fun and no worries. Don't what to make of it, I guess I feel like I am on a nice high, but also wishing someone was here to experience it with me.

I often wonder if I will ever be able to be in a serious relationship again. I sometimes wish I could but then again I am glad I am on my own.

I am feeling lonliness but I don't feel alone. Does any of this make sense? Just can't grasp what it is .