Relationship with Therapist

[Athena]

I was reading the relatively old "can of worms" thread, which I found quite helpful. I accidentally brought up my "can of worms" today in therapy while trying to describe my roller coaster of emotion (in regards to therapy) in the past two weeks.

I could only find a metaphor to describe what I was going through. *I told my therapist that the first couple of days with him I felt like I found a liferaft and I was trying to decide whether it was worth the energy heaving myself into it from the choppy waters. *The next few days, I felt like the coastguard came and attached a line to it and I felt euphoric that somebody had finally showed up to take me to shore.*

Then I felt like the line got cut and I was suddenly adrift again. *By putting it in these terms we were able to figure out that I need a fair bit of guidance/observation/feedback or some such input from the therapist (as I had experienced in my "euphoric" stage.) *If left on my own to free associate, I fear I will screw up the process, as I have my life. *It was at the point where I was told to "free associate" that I felt adrift. *He also got out of me that at around the same time, I felt the need to be held/hugged by him (he knows I have serious abandonment issues) but that I felt that was not a "safe" subject to talk about so stayed silent. *That contributed to feeling like I was "adrift".

Anyway, we're back on track and I feel like the coast guard is taking me to shore again. *What a relief! *