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ocdproblems

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Hey petal, its ok. Ur not a pedophile, but u know that. It's interesting because you know you have OCD yet you don't see it for what it is when it's acting up. I say that because a lot of us have some kind of mental challenge and it helps to be able to recognise it and not get too caught up in it. The good thing is its totally treatable. I've gone through it too. Still get plagued by the thoughts sometimes. But you can learn to live with it. I've also had the 'fear of being gay', how funny! I have sexual issues of my own and havent been able to have relationships. (At least you've had one and been in love. That goes to show that you are at least capable.) So for me, it wasn't so much a fear of being gay, it was more a fear of not knowing that I was. Somehow being unaware of my own self, out of control. Even though like you, I had only felt things for males. I thought I was in involuntary denial and would never be happy until I just admitted it. But when I tried to accept it, to test myself, I just didn't feel anything for females. It's so irrational. But luckily I also got past that anxiety. I've had other weird anxieties too (I won't go into them right now). This fear of being a pedophile thing you're going through sounds just like what we've both been through before. In my experience, it's common to develop a new anxiety after successfully beating another. Just seems to be a pattern of OCD. Those bodily reactions you felt can happen anywhere anytime over anything. I wouldn't look too much into it. Just remember, that "voice" in your head is not you. I don't know where such thoughts come from, but we all have them. The most horrible thoughts sometimes. It's funny that you can shock yourself with thoughts that pop up in your own brain. But you can get to a place where you won't be bothered by them anymore because you'll know it's not what you really want or believe in. You may need to seek therapy though to get help with this. It's harder to do on your own. I don't know if I would have been able to beat it had I not gotten help. ANyway welcome to the forum and I hope you keep your post up. No doubt theres someone else reading it going through the same thing.

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I just want to know why this happened.

I don't know precisely why this thought occurred to you, but I do know that such intrusive thoughts, that go against the wishes of the thinker, do occur, sometimes, in OCD.

I had absolutely no desire to touch her or any sexual desire towards her at all.

I think you answer your own questions about pedophilia right here, though.

My suggestion is to tell your therapist about this entire incident. Pedophilia is not what they'll tell you. And you will have checked on one of your fears with someone who knows. And, even more important, by telling them the intensity of your obsessive thinking, you help them decide how to treat it, so you don't have to keep feeling it.

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I don't know precisely why this thought occurred to you, but I do know that such intrusive thoughts, that go against the wishes of the thinker, do occur, sometimes, in OCD.

I think you answer your own questions about pedophilia right here, though.

My suggestion is to tell your therapist about this entire incident. Pedophilia is not what they'll tell you. And you will have checked on one of your fears with someone who knows. And, even more important, by telling them the intensity of your obsessive thinking, you help them decide how to treat it, so you don't have to keep feeling it.

I want to know why the arousal happened.. I know now that the thought was OCD.

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Humans are wired to be aroused.

The largest sex organ is the brain.

I can't diagnose you; I'm not qualified and I'm not there.

If you let fear stop you from getting to someone who can, all you get to live with is the fear.

Have you read threads by people such as 'confusedboy16'?

Because of the amount of publicity surrounding pedophilia, and the very real harm it can cause, it's pretty easy to latch onto it as a source of fear, for someone with heightened anxiety and a tendency to obsess. Then you "test" yourself, and that never turns out well ...

Ask someone who knows, that's my advice.

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Maligns right. No one is excited to talk about all their fears and anxieties but telling your therapist is the best way. Having said that, you don't have to dish it all out in your first session. They'll expect you to be hesitant and why wouldn't you be? You're strangers to each other initially.

Hope the session goes well.

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