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[SongBird]

I hate titles. Weird for a writer, but true.

I just feel so numb lately. Everything takes effort, and nothing seems to be worth the cost. I keep crying. I hate crying. I thought that I'd recovered from the shock of discovering that one of my best friends is dying (I found out late summer), but I guess I was wrong. I already stuggle with depression--this isn't helping. At all. I'm just so stressed and tired lately. I'm scaring my best friend--Apperently I've lost weight, and my mood's all over the place. I know that I haven't really been hungry lately (I make myself eat at least a little), and I feel just. . .dead. My heart aches. I'm stressed, and I don't even know I'm stressed until I start crying and I don't know why. I haven't been sleeping, and, when I do, my dreams are uneasy and frightening. Little things set me off, like music, or watching Hamlet (No joke. I almost had a breakdown during the cheeziest death scene I've ever watched.). I haven't felt this depressed in years, and I hate it. Nothing helps. Nothing.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi songbird,

yes, depression is, when nothing seems to help. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and I think it is quite understandable under the circumstances. Do you have someone you can talk about your friends illness or do you think talking about your friends illness here would help you, because here you don't have to be strong or responsible, what maybe you felt you had to be outside?

S.

[SongBird]

I don't really have someone to talk to right now--it's extremely hard for me to trust people because of a former 'best friend,' who, in truth, seriously violated my trust in her and mocked me contantly to my face. I recently broke off contact with her when I told her I'd found out about my other friend dying, and she told me that that shouldn't affect my life at all.

I have two amazing close friends right now, and they've been amazing, but it's still very hard for me to open up to them. I'm working on trusting them more, but I feel bad worrying them.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Songbird,

I can tell you with absolute certainty that the woman who treated you that way was no friend at all. However, now you know. I hope you can trust again because not everybody is like that. We come to learn who we can and cannot trust.

Allan

[SongBird]

Thanks, Allan, I know that now. I was just so utterly shocked and hurt at first, and I'm I'm kinda recovering from that. I'm actually going to start therapy soon, which I'm a little (okay, a lot) nervous for, but I'm hoping that will help with some of the depression, at least. I feel kinda wimpish for saying this, but I'm actually kinda scared about what to expect.

[Lindamomof7]

...............

[SongBird]

Linda,

No, I am not taking any medication--I'm really quite adverse to the idea of taking anything that could mess with my head.

My two friends are amazing--they've stood by me through everything. They both struggle with a lot of problems too, though, so I feel really bad burdening them down. Still, though, they've been an amazing blessing to me, and I am so glad God brought them into my life.