unable to get pregnant

[jaded18]

im 41 and ive met my husband i guess late in life. i never wanted children b4, basically because i wanted any kids i had to have a father...now ive met the love of my life and have been trying--REALLY TRYING--for 2 years to become pregnant with no luck. maybe its finally sinking in that ill never be a mother? its my private pain that i tell no one about because i just dont trust anyone enough.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, jaded, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you are having difficulty becoming pregnant. My husband and I went through great difficulty with conceiving our third child. After a year of trying we both went for medical testing. Through a procedure called a HSG, doctors were able to "unclog" my fallopian tubes and we were finally able to conceive...after two long years of trying. I would suggest immediately going for testing if you haven't already done so. It could be a minor problem, such as mine, that could be correctable. If it is a more difficult problem then there could be ways to improve your chances. Being very aware of your cycle and the nature of conception itself can be advantageous as well. Since you mention being 41, it would be important to get on top of this ASAP. I hope the doctors are able to help. I know this can be very painful! Good luck to you, jaded.

[jaded18]

thank you irmajean x i also have diabetes type 2 and neuropathy and have a history of drug abuse so i think i may have been delusional even thinking i could bare children it just really gets to me at this time of the month if you know what i mean? x

[chatterbox512]

I know that there is nothing like bearing your own children. But remember that just because you may not beable to carry your own children doesn't mean you can't be a wonderful mommy. After you go and get checked out to see if you can actually concieve and carry children, it may be possible to extract eggs. If that is possible you may want to consider a surrogate carrier, or even adoption. Either way it is not easy, but doesn't close the door on the inate desire to be a mother, just keep an open mind to other possibilities out there.

Wishing you the best with this!!

It took me five months to get pregnant with my son and I thought that was a long time (even though in retrospect it wasn't long at all) so I can see how two ?? years is really difficult (sorry short term memory sucks and I can't remember how long you said you had been trying).

[Waiting]

I am sorry for your troubles Jaded18,

I know how that must hurt, I would suggest you seek medical aid in this or consider adoption. There are many roads to being a parent.

Waiting

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jaded,

I am happy to see that you have moved into the forums.

Through the miracle of modern medicine there is a way to have your own children and without risk to your. You and need to see a gyn and discuss the following of this procedure:

Your eggs can be harvest and fertilized with your husband sperm. The zygote is then placed into a donor mother who carries you baby for the full nine months. There are women who do this and contracts must be signed, etc. There is no question of who the parents are because you and your husband are it. Its your baby in every sense of the word.

Of course, this is not easy to do and there are not guarantees. However, it is something you and your husband might discuss and, then if you both agree, speak to your gyn and see what they say. Also, I have no idea of the cost or insurance coverage: is there any or not?

What do you and others think?

Allan

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

I think there is a number of different medical treatments that could help depending on what the medical problem involved is. Also, I wonder whether you've considered that it can also be a problem with your husbands sperm.

[jaded18]

thank you all for your input and attention. i sooo appreciate it. yes there are fertility treatments and other options but they cos a boatload of money which is in short supply at the moment. i think coming to terms with the fact that i will never have a child of my own is going to be very difficult for me

[IrmaJean]

Do you have any health insurance, jaded? Basic infertility testing didn't cost us any more than co-pays. The procedure I had was covered as well, though I imagine it would vary from insurance to insurance. I had a book about natural contraception and conceiving as well. Timing can be very important! You need to be very in tune to your body and take your temperature daily. I know all of this can be exhausting, though, and can take its toll on you emotionally. If you have decided to move on and stop trying, I imagine you must be feeling a lot of emotions around this. I'm sorry you're going through this. Is your husband supportive in this?