How important is physical contact?

[Proverbs31:28]

And, I am not referring to sex. Just to be in the presence of and interact with other people. Getting a hug when you're down. Having someone who will let you lay your head on their shoulder and just cry? I have not had that for years. I have been divorced for 3 years but its been since before then. Lately, I have been having this overwhelming sense of loneliness, sadness, emptiness. I do not miss my Ex, thats not what this is about. I do not want another man, thats not what this is about either. I have no plans to date or marry again. I rolled the dice and I lost. I can live with that, so please don't suggest I find a man or start dating. Not going to happen. I'm just wondering if the lack of physical interaction with other human beings can affect the psyche like this? I do hug my kids many times per day and always tell them I love them several times per day. And, they hug me and they tell me they love me. But, there is no one else in my life. Outside of my children, every relationship I have (except for my best friend, but she lives 2 hours away) is superficial and remains on the surface. Does this even matter in the grand scheme of things? Do I need contact and interaction? Obviously, some part of me believes I do because I am compelled to make sure my kids know they are loved because I don't want them ever having this feeling of being unloved. I am beginning to wonder if this is the true source of my depression. Ugh, I don't even know if I make sense. I am sure it matters not, anyway.

[JustTrying]

I can only speak for me... but to me human contact is very important. I do not get it much because I like very few people. Actually me talking on the computer is a good thing... I call this interaction..... I cannot get a physical hug but sometimes a cyber (((HUG))) feels just as good. Husband is gone 6 days a week. We haven't had sex in I do not know how long.. he sleeps in the other room for how many years??? I have maybe 1 friend I see maybe 2 times a month... and 2 or 3 I talk to on the phone... thought I had some on the computer ( and I do ) but I found out some of them where not my friend.

I think a lot of my depression etc is due to lack of human contact. I know when I worked out of the home, I felt better... even if I didn't like the people I worked with.

I use to call a lot of people on the phone, then I realized it was always me doing the calling... if they liked me they would call me sometime would they not??? So I cut those strings. The straw that broke the camels back was when my MOM died.. noone .. not even my kids called to see how I was doing and I got 1 sympathy card from a lady that adopted me when I was 12 .. Long story for another time.

But yeah .. I feel I need people,..... I know I need my husband but I am too stubborn to go climb into his bedroom... He knows where I am at.... my problem is I do not like people.... I was raised real kind and respectful ( mind you I am not all the time) but to me most people are self centered and rude....

Just talking.. Gabby

[gordian knot]

lifeless & Gabby,

Absolutely, physical contact and closeness is a human need. Infants who do not receive much 'holding' end up with all kinds of maladjustments. The feelings that are produced when we are physically close with someone we care about (even if it is completely non-sexual) cannot be accurately reproduced by any other experience in life.

Unfortunately the answer to your dilemma ('how do I get that close to someone?') is far more complicated. The types of friendships and relationships in which there is enough mutual trust to share such physical closeness do not grow overnight. Still, some people throw themselves into 'quickie' new relationships just for the physical (or emotional) intimacy, but this road often leads to even more pain, loneliness and lower self image. I think the idea of 'quick intimacy' is self-contradictory.

lifeless, I hope we can continue to provide a lifeline for you, even as the pain of these unmet needs surfaces. I know it can be so difficult to slowly build new relationships and the pain in the interim can feel unbearable at times.

Best,

Sean

[Ronny]

oh yes. To me it feels like slowly dying inside when you dont get good physical contact from time to time.(No not sex). Ive been alone all my life although im not old i know the feeling. Are no happy potion or what to say for anything realy, you just got to bear with it and try and help yourself as much as you can.(what i think in my own case). Sins i dont have anyone to help me. You at least got your kids, and its nice to hear you give them a lot of love. Wich is very importand and actualy so many parents seem to forget, they kinda push the kids into nanny care/kindergarten and just simply spend to little time with their own kids. I dont know how evrything is for you , but find some comfort at least in that you are a good mother:).