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My Dad


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I believe this is part of my problem right now. when my Dad died this past January my little brother who lives with my folks & at the time my son & me also; Threatened to kill me during an argument over my Twin Son who had just gotten in a tragic Head on Collision himself. He now is permantly dissabled.

Anyway my son & me moved out onto streets briefly then a friends house & now Hotel. Both my little brother who has Drug & alchohol issues (for years) and my son who has Addiction problems with pills; fueled this unfortunate seperation.

I did not go to my Dads Funeral services due to my little brothers Death threats to me & his evil hatred of my son. My Mom took his side. He has used & manipulated her. I never got the opportunity to grieve my Dear Dads passing away.

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Ya I think I just have to much overload. My Twin Son said it best last night with the ongoing problems between my other Son & Daughter. He Almost Died so my Twin Son know the value of Life & has his head on straight. He is tired of the Trivial "STUFF" & just wants peace & happiness for all of us.

I am so tired of everything right now. Death, Divorce, Drugs, Alchohol, Mental Illness, Information Overload, Internet Job Searching, Hotel living, No Stability at All.

It is very Overwhelming & I am TIRED!!!

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Ya I know somehow it has to start with me getting a Job. All I really wanted after my Older Brother passed away my Senior Year in High School was a life like my Dad's. A Loving Wife, Kids, A House, Work, Retire & enjoy the rest of my Life with Family & Grandkids & such.

It did'nt happen, starting with my Ex leaving, losing my Kids & House during divorce. Then I quit School District Job after finishing Child Support & just to get away from that small town, my ex who lived & worked nearby & my Kids who I never saw due to my ex's Manipulation of my Kids.

So I lived & worked alone in another State in an Apartment. My Oldest Son's problems, my other kids wanting me back my Dad's Health & my own Lonliness brought me back.

Then cash in retirement. So now I have no Future for Retirement & just have to figure if I can continue & just have Hope, Reason, Direction & Motivation to carry on. I know im depended on & kids Love me; but it is just overwhelming now.

Thanx again everyone; this helps me to let it out.

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I have tried to do the right thing but for some reason it has backfired on me & I continue to pay the price for it. Maybe there is a reason for all of this & something Good will come out of it; I just dont know right now?

My Journey has been Strange & Confussing that's for sure. I do need to continue to have Hope & Faith.

My Dad lived a good Life & till the end his concern was about others. He had a tough Childhood but good Adulthood. Mine has been just the opposite. So the loss of my Dad is something I will continue to miss. He understood me & we became good friends. He was always there for me when I hit Rock Bottom. He knew I was a good Person, Father & Husband. That meant so much to me coming from him.

If there is a Heaven He is there. At least for me. Today I recieved more news that I did not get Job I applied for. Very Frustrating for this Middle Aged Lost Soul. But all I can do is continue to try.

Thanks Again sedsed; The Best to you. Sincerely; Jim

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I believe that if your a good person that good things in life should happen to you. But unfortunately I myself know that is not the way the world work but I do think things equal out in the end. I also believe that people do get what they deserve you simply have to wait for it to come around. I'm sorry your suffering right now have you considered leaving the area to look for work for I do not see a real reason to stay if your unemployed and most of the people in the area are against you in some way or another. And depending on how far you go you could drive back into town to see the friends and family that are still talking to you or not mad at you.

I'm glad you are not giving up so easily for if i were you I don't know what I would do. :o I hope this week bodes well for you Jim :o

Edited by sedsed
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No one is really mad at me; I just have'nt been able to find work. Economy here is around 15% unemployment. I moved back to be near my Children. So if I move back away same ol story. But in the end I may have no choice AGAIN.

I to believe good things happen to good people. Which is why I never Cheated in my Marriage or did anyone any wrong that jeopordised their life or livleyhood. I have a good conscience as far as much of that. And dont want to believe because of bad things I have done im paying the price.

Bad things just sometimes happen to Good People. Unfortunatly for me it has gone on for to long. I jsut have to figure out who I am, what I want & how to get there. In the meantime all I can do for now is continue to try & hope.

I have made a lot of bad Decisions in my Life thats for sure. Starting with who I married. Somehow I need to just figure out how to Live & be happy on my own, while supporting myself. I was doing that before I moved back just not happy & to Lonely.

Being near my kids again is good. My Sons Addiction, My Son & Daughters ongoing Animosity with each other, My Mental State & Unemployment is Bad.

If I had any answers right now I would surely fix it. They say Time Heals & Time Will Tell. Who Knows?

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I am very sorry for the loss of your father and for all of the other stressers in your life. It seems that one step that would really make a difference would be if you could find a job. You said you worked for a school district. Were you a teacher? Even if you couldn't find a permanent job, would you be able to substitute teach? I don't know a lot about job hunting but I hope that something turns up for you.

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Thank You for your Responce;

Unfortunatly I am not a Teacher. If I was I would not be in this predicement. I was a Plant Manager (Middle Management) & Classified employee. Because I accepted Middle Management Position I lost the Ability to have Union Backing should anything happen with "Cerificated" Employees such as Teachers, Principals & all others with College Degrees who were "Certificated.

A New Priincipal came in to my School. Although I had worked very hard & was "Tenured" over ten years. It did not matter. She did not like me & ended up Getting me Transferred & Blackballed. Made life miserable for me to point I was either going to get Fired or I quit.

I Quit after I finished Child Support & immmediatly went into another Line of work in another State.

Anyway now im back (My children) & other reasons I have mentioned. I have been trying to get work with other School Districts; No luck & no one is Hiring. They actually have Hiring Freeze & Work Furlows going on here right now in State of California.

Anyway She still works at Elementary School I loved So Much. Loved working with the Kids & Many Parents & Teachers. Many Teachers Transferred & Many Parents Transferred Their Children, Because of this New Principal. Very Sad & Unfortunate. But Typical Politics & Power.

Thanx for your Reply & Wishes. Sincerely; Jim

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Hey 58,

I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now. It sounds like your dad was truely an amazing person and a hero in your life. Do you remember what types of things that you did together that makes him such a role model to you? I am only asking so that you can some how incorporate this into your children's lives.

Have you thought about going back to school to get specialized training in your field or a different on all together? I know California is going through a difficult time right now economically, as a matter of fact I believe they were hit one of the hardest compared to the other states from the economic crisis. Have you considered a different part of California or even one of the states bordering California. That way if you find a job and have to move, it won't be so far away from your kids that you can't visit on a regular basis. I know they are important to you, but at a time when the economy is so down, finding a job is also important, and in the long run developing that sort of respect for yourself (so you don't feel dependent on an area or person) will give them a different sense of respect for you.

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Thankyou for your reply;

Actually Dad & I did very little together. I did much more with my own Children. But he was a good role model.

I would go to School if I had the money or ability to. Im just trying to survive right now on the money I have left. As far as moving away Again I will if I have to. I moved back from a bordering State (Nevada) to be closer to my kids & their Economy is also not doing well.

My Kids requested I came back & when I was away we never saw each other. They are still glad im back & respect me & understand me more now do to this. If I was to move away again it would be the same Story all over again.

But as I said if any Job opens or is available anywhere in these areas I just may have to relocate Again. I am just so tired of the instability & moving all the time.

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