true-hope Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 They say women fall for men that remind them of their fathers...tis true...My dad just passed away at Christmas...he was a chronic alcoholic...only 66.My ex husband was a recovering alcoholic when I met him and was doing coke...I didn't know that until about 2 years in...he didn't seem the type ya know?My bf of 4 years was a crack head when I met him but again, I didn't know at first. He gave it up and has been clean for almost 3 years now!However, he too, is a chronic alcoholic.It hasn't been too bad the past few years, but now his drinking is getting worse.At first it was just on weekends, then progressed from there. If he has more than 4 beer he gets nasty.I tried an experiment on him a year ago and found out that he was allergic to his precious beer. As long as he took allergy pills he didn't get mean or nasty.He quit taking the allergy pills a few months ago and now he's back to saying very hurtful things.He even swears at the baby! He quit crack so that he could have a son...but now the beer is ruling his life.He watched my dad die over the holidays...and you could see that it bothered him...he cried like a baby when he saw my dad in that hospital bed...his drinking buddy dieing on him and all...I told him that there would be no more booze in my house after dad died. He was good for 2 weeks, then he started drinking on way home and sneaking beer into house...like I couldn't smell it on him? ugh!A few days ago I asked him to pick up milk for baby...no money...can't pay bills, etc he said.Last night he walks in with a six pack hidden under his jacket! Grrr!!!I know it's my own fault for staying with him. I know I can't change him. I just want to know why I keep finding these men.How do I break the cycle? How do I leave? Everything we have is under my name...house, business,credit cards, etc. I own the business and he works for me...only employee. He has me where he wants me...trapped.He knows I can't get welfare because of things my ex did...so he knows I can't leave...until the bills are all caught up etc.I swear he puts us further in debt every chance he gets just so that I can't leave. I have no family that I can stay with, no friends...keeps me trapped at home so that I can't make friends...while he goes out all the time. Can't let him watch his only son...tried that twice...came home in the middle of the afternoon to find the baby screaming his head off, wet diaper, and hungry...while HE was passed out from drinking! I was gone for an hour and a half! How could he drink that much in that amount of time?He says when he gets to be as bad as my dad was at the end that he'll quit drinking. I told him that he was already passed that stage compared to where my dad was at 46. Some days he admits he has a problem and some days he tells us all that we don't know what we're talking about. His parents have told him a million times why all his ex's have left him...why they themselves don't talk to him much...but he just doesn't get it.Anyway, I could go on for hours, but I won't.I'm just hoping that some recovering alcoholics could shed some light for me...tell me why they drank, what made them want to stop.I know why some people drink...anxiety, peer pressure, nerves, etc. I know it's an addiction...I smoke cigarettes so I know it's hard to quit an addiction...have tried many times and failed.I know all the excuses of why he claims he needs to drink...sick of them...esp the one "it makes other people more interesting" which makes me feel that I'm boring...lowers MY self esteem, which I don't need.Tired of him wanting praise for "only had 3 beer tonight". I do praise him if he doesn't have ANY beer one night...or at least I used to...generally he'll go to fridge and thank me for reminding him. UGH!So? What part can I play in this? Is there anything I can do to help him? What can I say? What makes it worse? Please! Any ideas at all would help. He CAN be a very nice man when he isn't drinking. He stopped once (same time as stopping crack) so I know he CAN do it if he wants to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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