Athena Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 I broke my own rule yesterday for therapy, which is: Don't ask questions to which you may get an answer you don't like. Anyway, the question has been on my mind lately, so I just blurted it out: "Do you think I'm ready for a serious relationship?" I value my therapist's judgement, so I was pretty disappointed when it took less than ten seconds to say a very definitive "NO". I thought he'd beat around the bush a bit, ask me why I brought it up at this point in time, ease into an answer, as that would be his usual approach on potentially problematic questions.I haven't made up my mind if I agree with him yet, and when I asked him what would have to change for that not to be the case, he said something about "dichotomy" which I didn't quite understand, possibly because I was still shell shocked with the speed of his answer to the original question. Then my session was over. So I will certainly be asking for clarification on Monday! Anyway, as usual when something surprising bothers me, it takes me a while to figure out why. I think the worst thing is it felt like for the first time ever, I felt like he was passing judgement. A huge sense of rejection by this person that I have so much respect for. Like "Come on, am I that awful to be around?". So, it's probably none of that, just a desire to protect me from making another huge mistake but my extreme reaction probably precisely proves him right. So, OK, fine, now what do I do? Ask two more people who know me well and what I'm going through. Same answer. From best friend - took about five seconds. Brother, about one second, practically yelled it out! Both pointing out what I've gone through, and am still going through. My "won't just be an ex" ex just won't cut the strings, just won't damn well respond to my " increasingly better for him and worse for my kids and I" offers. Just how long am I supposed to wait to get my life back from this leeching deadbeat?Anyway, they are probably right. How dare I go anywhere near a nice guy with this toxic waste clinging to me? But that just means he is allowed to continue destroying my life. People with cancer go on dates, why not me? The ex certainly has several similar attributes to a brain tumor! So I think I'm resigned to just look for something casual, have zero expectations, and keep the toxic waste as far away from the new guy (presuming one shows up) as possible. I certainly don't plan on bringing that horrid topic of conversation up to somebody new.Any thoughts/suggestions from anybody still reading? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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