Sleep paralyses

[sadgreeneyes]

Some years ago I did go and try get treatment for my ptsd. In my language the treatment is called TFT,not sure what is it in english.

He said here is a trauma ( as I could not follow his finger to the left no matter how many times we did this) which I do sure believe as the trauma did lay exactly where I know my trauma was experienced visual at the time it happened. It was laying high up to the left.

But I think the therapist thought he had found my trauma for what I struggled with today, my ptsd. The reason I came there in the first place. I dont think this is true as the trauma he found happened when I was age 7. I had sleep paralyses or night terror, I didnt remember the incident untill I was 28, one day it just said bang and the memory was there. This made me afraid of the dark many times in periods as with once I did go to bed the memory was there. What I did see was an older couple dancing on the floor,everything was in grey shadows, all foggy, but you could see the hairstyles and clothes so I could tell it was not my time. More like in the 70s. I screamed for my father, but he couldnt hear me, then I saw a punk girl hanging on the wall by my window, she had rope around her neck, so she had hang herself, when I screamed one more time after my father her face who was looking straight forward in the room was now looking at me in the bed, they all stared at me, so I got so scared I remember I took my dune over my head and hide, the next day I didnt remember anything of this,not until I was 28. So no matter what this was it sure left a trauma in me.

Even I think so I still would like to ask can night terror or sleep paralyses cause a person trauma and memory loss for so long time? I dont struggle with this trauma today so much, nearly not at all.

So back to my ptsd which I know damage my life. When this older man introduced me to pornography, the tv was standing little bit to the left in the room. But my visual sight got to the right actually as I was kinda sitting in the middle of both directions as I didnt want to look at the man neither the tv. Now I dont know quite.

Is there any chance both my traumas could be detected in the same field? where my therapist said I had a trauma? because if not then I know what he found was my trauma at age 7. I am still very sure about that.

But why didnt he find my trauma for my ptsd? because this is what I am damaged by today.

Could it be because the visual area for where the tv stood was"too low" for the therapist to catch? as he uses the finger movements/round circles.

[Lindamomof7]

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[sadgreeneyes]

Its just that I am trying to understand where my ptsd comes from, I mean where did it start. The only thing I remember was the man who put on pornography and staring at me like he wanted me to do or say something, at least look at it, what a stupid old man. Spiritual_emergency was so kind and put up my timeline in another thread here. So there are a lot of things that has happened but I am confused.

I dont know what TFT is in english, but they treat ptsd with it, but I think its not any good way of treatment, it didnt help me at least as I was just sent home doing the practice with the "finger tapping" myself on different points on the body/brain. Maybe you misunderstood me Lindamomof, I dont struggle with what happen at age 7, I struggle with my ptsd and I dont know how it got this way, did it start with the man who show me pornography when I was at age 12 or has it happened something before this, in childhood.

My first boyfriend triggered my ptsd, so it started then and has only gotten worse in these 17 years, I havent searched for help. When I was around 25 they thought I had psychosis and depression instead of understanding it was ptsd from trauma and I believed them, I wasnt any self-informed as I am today.

I just hope I can find the pieces so I know why I dread nudity so much, because it is destroying my whole life when together with a man. So I dread when my husband comes here to my country and stay with me. I dread the tv.

[Lindamomof7]

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[sadgreeneyes]

That seem to be the same yes, that TFT is EMDR. I can understand so well how you feel as we need to have control so we dont get into uncomfortable situations, people, or places that reminds us of the trauma.

Its so right what you say that our vulnerability is with us all the time, I believe this is a very normal thing and so it is so important that the people around us, our loved ones and so forth would be understanding and accept the fact our life cannot be lived fully, like it did before the trauma.

My ptsd is taking a lot of my life when with a man,I cant do anything that put me in situation where there are nudity, I would spend my whole day figuring out when I can shower, leave the room and so forth if the tv or computer is on. Its a very though thing to have to live with.

When I was married to my first husband I had to go through the whole tv program to try find a time I could shower without getting panic not being in control, not to be humiliated or lose my worth:(

[Lindamomof7]

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[sadgreeneyes]

H again Lindamomof:)

I havent got a therapist yet,but hope I dont have to wait too long, I will also go to the work office asking what will be done with the promise of getting me free help. I try to make the best out of it, just dont know how to handle it when he comes here. I guess I have to try be strong as I know my marriage will go down under if my emotions gets out of proportions.

First thing is to see if he can show me the love I long for. If he can maybe it will be somehow easier for me, I dont know.