Constant Negative Thoughts will Explode me!!

[sensitive_woman]

I feel like my head is going to explode thinking constantly of my failed marriage, the constant emotional abuse, physical abuse and making me feel bad about myself all the time. I patiently put up with everything and when I couldnt take it any longer, I broke off my marriage. I'm out of the mess but now that my divorce is final and through, I am slowly started having to tell people, esp. relatives who invite for her kids weddings, 1st birthdays and so on.

I feel awful!!!! I have to find the courage to say this without feeling responsible for the divorce. But I am having a really hard time. I am constantly depressed and dont step out of the house. The only thing I do is brood, brood and brood.

I just cant STOP the thoughts from coming. My mind is so full of negative thoughts all the time I feel I'm going to explode.

I have always been so positive but so much of negativity I just cant handle.

Help.......

[Guest ASchwartz]

Sensitive-woman,

Even when a divorce results from an abusive relationship, as in your case, it results in feelings of depression. Divorce is always a horrible experience to go through and recover from. Then, there is a period of mourning. It feels like a death and, just like with death, a review of the marriage and what life will be like from now on, are part of what it is necessary to go through. This includes all the reminders of the lost marriage when there are holidays, family events and so on. Having to let people know about it is also part of the process.

In my opinion, one helpful way to cope is to do just what you are having to do: tell people, discuss it, talk about it, talk, talk, talk. Talking really can help with any kind of loss.

In other words, I am suggesting to you that it is OK to feel awful right now. Don't fight your self. Give yourself permission to feel awful at the moment, knowing that it will pass and things will get much better.

What do you think?

Allan

[sensitive_woman]

Allan,

You are so right! It really does feel like 'death', as though someone close to me has died! When I talk about reminders from the past, everyone around me (my family and friends) tell me to consciously STOP talking about it as its over.

Thank you for saying its OK to feel awful right now & that I shouldn't fight myself. I was beginning to think I was going insane.

I have suddenly developed a social phobia. I'm having a hard time even interacting with my close cousin and best friend. When I step out of the house, I get panicky.. Me and my ex used to travel a lot and we loved it. Now any kind of travel even if its a drive to a buddy's house, gives me the jitters, migraine and panic attacks. I keep affirming and reaffirming to myself that all will be well and do deep breathing exercises to calm down. How long will it take for this feeling to go and for me to be myself again?

I need to start working soon but I somehow dont find the courage to even follow up on the recruiter calls that I get. I'm just too terrified thinking they are going to ask me about my personal life. Its a baseless fear maybe but I just cant get over it. What should I do?

I cant stay cooped up in my shell learning piano, reading books and renting movies at home. I've got to get out but I just cant. How long will this take to get over?

[58corvette]

Im certainly no Professional; but I do have my Own Life Experiences. Divorce & Death are quite a bit alike & I have experienced Both.

I feel we not only go through Stages of Grief, Anger, Acknowedgement & Slowly & Hopefully; Recovery. But I also feel it Varies as to the Time & Process it takes for Each Individual Person.

It also Varies as to all other factors Involved as you Mentioned, such as Abuse. Also the Length of your Marriage & any Children Involved.

So it is a "Normal" process you are going through & im sure with Time & Understanding you will move Forward in your Life.

It continues to be an Ongoing Process for me; Way To Long quite Honestly; but I try to Remain Hopeful & Optimisstic the best way I know how for now.

The Best To You.

[sensitive_woman]

Thanks Jim, Thanks Allan.

Allan, though u say the way to deal with the grief is to talk talk and talk. But talking also exposes one to vulnerability and I don't want to give the impression that "I'm available" to anyone if you know what I mean.