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Please please please help me


runningaway
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I really am panicing now, I awoke with a distirbing new OCD thought this morning and I am very distressed, I am 7 and a half months pregnant and I dont know what to do. I have pure O OCD but this thought has been going on in one way or another for like weeks and this morning took a new turn.

I got into a new relationship last year, it started in the Jan 2010. In the March I went away with a girlfriend, I was suffering with guilt from a previous break up and so often as I do self medicated on alcohol. Anyway on the last day I got so drunk I ended up sleeping with someone although my friend did not witness this. Although this mistake did make me realise I did actually want to be with my current partner.

I decided not to tell him as he is dead against cheating, my friend was not any the wiser, and the person lived in a different country, it was a one off. Also I had introduced my partner to my young daughter (he is a great step dad and she loves him) we were trying for a baby and I fell pregnant in august. We were really happy about this.

Now I am feeling guilt ALOT well about 12 hours a day everyday, it gets me up the night, now my OCD is always worse when pregnant but because this is a real thought IE not one of my made up in my head ones I dont know what to do for the best. I woke up this morning thinking what if this bloke (who is still in touch with my friend) finds out I am pregnant and thinks it is his? Despite it being conceived 5months after that holiday? I have no doubt the baby is my partners but what if the bloke thinks there is a chance it is, i dont know how clued up blokes are like this?

Anyway I guess my question is should I confess? If i do i am afraid I will loose my home, my daughter will loose another dad and he will never trust me again and he keeps saying stuff like once a cheat always a cheat but I can see no other way of getting around my thought, although if I do tell the OCD will keep on that he is going to leave me.

I dont know what to do this thought is driving me to despair now

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I don't think any of us can answer that question for you, running. You have to do what you feel is best. I do think it best not to act on a panicky thought, but rather on what is right in the situation. This is not always easy to know.

Do have any methods of calming yourself?

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thanks for replying, I cant think straight at the moment, I should be taking my meds but not cause even though they said it is ok I read the baby can have withdrawel.

I dont want to act when I am pregnant cause i know i am more hormonal and thoughts get worse but i cant stop crying i dont know what to do this should be a happy time but i hate myself so much for doing that and then if i tell i threaten my daughters secure home i cant cope any more i want to run away

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I was intending to keep it to myself as I knew it would only cause harm to everyone and felt it selfish to tell (and i want to protect my daughter) and now it has been a year ago I feel he will wonder why I waited and also this is his first child and dont want to ruin it for him, I didnt really give it a thought last yr.

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