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Anxiety help post divorce


sensitive_woman
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How does one get rid of anxiety associated with divorce? I get so paranoid about meeting any of my ex's friends or relatives that I just don't step out of the house. I met 3 of his cousins and friends already by chance in a mall or in the bakery. Even though I know I did the right thing by getting divorced, I just cant get over it. I feel a lot of anger right now for discovering things that were kept hidden from me such as his addictions and I feel he has ruined my marriage and a happy future. I am over the denial part. But I think I cant get over the shock and pain. The therapist says it has to do with my childhood? That's ridiculous! I had a lovely childhood. Now she wants me to write down in detail about my childhood. I dont feel comfortable meeting her again. I have already discussed with her everything about my marriage. Now she wants me to write a letter about my upbringing and childhood. I don't want to see her again. What do I do? How do I get over my anxiety without meeting her again???

Please HELP!!

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I forgot to mention that the smallest of things irritate me these days and I have become snappy (super sensitive). I end up arguing with my parents and friends too. I just want to be alone all the time. This is not normal. Why is this happening to me post divorce? In the marriage I put up with a lot of shit and never opened my mouth. When I left him, it was like a dam burst open and we fought for 4 hours flat with his parents getting involved and worsening issues.

Now that I am out of that marriage, I should be happy but I'm not. I'm definitely relieved to be out of that marriage but not happy. In fact, I'm angry all the time... I cant stop thinking about all that happened. Why is this happening to me? Please someone tell me why this is happening?

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Hi sensitive,

I'm not sure why this is happening, but could it be that you're just not willing to take any shit any more?

I know in my case (divorce ongoing), I had reasons why I took the ... stuff ... from my wife for so long. For me, those reasons went back to before the marriage and even into childhood. I thought that it was the price I had to pay to be a husband and a father (to her children). My own parents did the best they could, perhaps, but that doesn't mean they did everything right, or that I learned everything I needed to be in a relationship, from them.

Your childhood was different from mine; only you can decide how well it went. One question I have is, though, if your childhood was perfect, why is it difficult to do what the therapist suggested and describe it? Is it possible that your urgent need not to see your therapist again is related to the question she asked?

I also wonder what your anxiety is about, if you were to meet one of his relatives or friends? Is it what you imagine they think about you, or is it fear of something they might do, or even fear of something that you might do?

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Hi SM,

I sorry for your pain and anxiety. I think you have to know you did the right thing and realize that they can't hurt you. You need to tell yourself this often, until you know it. I left my wife and she blames me for everything. I used to loath taking to her. Talking to her could make me feel guilty, but eventually I learned to end conversations that were not productive. I am much better with it now.

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Malign & Waiting,

Thanks for your replies. Truly appreciate your responses. Malign, you're right I'm not willing to take shit anymore but he's out of my life now, so why am I reacting with 'anger' for every small thing? I should be calm now but every little thing makes me angry.

Malign, yes I had a happy childhood and its difficult to write a letter and discuss it with the therapist because I feel completely exposed, like she knows everything about my life. I'm not too comfortable with that thought. Plus, she's a specialist doctor and my husband was a specialist doctor too. He was always paranoid that I shouldn't discuss him with any other doctor as it puts his reputation at stake. He was okay with me leaving him and going but did not want me to involve any senior trusted people or professionals because he didnt want anyone to know about his addictions as it puts his medical profession at risk as doctors would stop referring patients to him. In his profession, a general practitioner refers a patient to him for surgery. If doctors find out about his addictions, they will stop referring patients and it will directly affect his profession and revenues as he is a Consultant surgeon. Even though I have left him, I still want the best for him and don't want to add to any of his existing problems.

Waiting: There was a point you said which makes a lot of sense. Maybe I need a lot of positive reaffirmations and need to keep saying to myself that "I know I did the right thing and realize that he cant hurt me". In the marriage, it was a nightmare. I always thought he'd pick up his surgical knife in his fit of rage and stab me to death. His anger has been uncontrollable and unpredictable and hell scary to me!

But I always end up thinking, why did this happen to me? I have lost sleep over this and the events keep repeating themselves to me. I'm even afraid of losing concentration if I were to work fulltime in a job. I had a great career going but left my job as I lost concentration thinking about all whatever has happened. I have to get rid of this thinking somehow and move on like a normal human being. I wonder why God punished me like this?

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Hi SW,

So many people ask why did this happen to me and you need to let it go. There will never be an answer. It will only taunt you with you did something wrong, but you didn't. It just happened, why is not important and it will simply fill your mind with noise.

It is not your fault. You are a good person and you will get through this as will I.

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