WinterSky Posted October 24, 2008 Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 (edited) please delete.... Edited November 3, 2008 by WinterSky I'm sorry but I hate that I said all of that so I deleted the text. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted October 27, 2008 Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 (edited) Well, I have not found the right therapist... but before I was molested (raped0 at the age of 8) I had fantasies of being tied up in my underware too. NOT about sex at that time because I did not know anything about sex. I grew up in a home ( foster care) where I know they "loved" me but hey I was just another number.... I could be taken away at any time. When the "neighbor" started molesting me.. he would stand in his kitchen ( my bedroom window went that way) and show himself.... well I had never seen one of those before.. I use to play with his kids and he treated me nicer than he did his wife... This SOB messed up my whole damn life... he took me from childhood to who knows what... at the time I liked it.... but now I hate him... he had 3 daughters... I wonder... and I know he had sex with another girl in the neighborhood.... I hope he dies a slow painfull death... I had everything going for me and he took it away. But I do not know where the violent fantasies came from... was it because I was spanked... or because I thought maybe someone would love me???Sorry I should not talk about this...Gabby Edited November 2, 2008 by JustTrying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celeste Posted October 27, 2008 Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 Gabby, I think that you should absolutely write about, and/or talk to people you can trust, about all of that. I tend to lock anything that elicits strong emotions deep inside. Although I know it may not be anything like this for you, talking about it upsets me badly for quite some time... but it usually helps in the long run. My best days occur about a week after a complete breakdown... I do know that if you were prompted to compose the previous post, you probably really do want to reach out to someone for support - and we are here for you, so if you need to talk about it, you've got open ears and shoulders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted October 27, 2008 Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 (edited) Well... I had just wrote my therapist a letter .. telling him about some of this stuff.... then I made him mad??? I told him about a co- worker of his that offered me $100.00 to give him a lap dance.... My therapist has not called since. I was not trying to get this guy fired or I would have made a formal complaint. SOOOO I guess I need to find a new therapist... Since I have quit drinking . or working on it... all this BS from my childhood has come back... I found out recently that a lady I know ... has just about lived mylife... she is older and healed now.. but she understands... I can tell her anything. Gabby Edited November 2, 2008 by JustTrying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Try to dream Edited July 13, 2011 by JaiJai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 JaiJai,This is worrisome. It is not perverse, rather, it's dangerous and you seem aware of that. Yes, you could suffer violence and you could even be murdered, a terrible thought. You could also contract an STD (sexually transmitted disease) the worst of which could be HIV.What is driving you to this very self destructive behavior? Are you in psychotherapy?I feel worried about you and afraid for you. This must be terribly awful for you. Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Try to dream Edited July 13, 2011 by JaiJai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Try to Dream Edited July 13, 2011 by JaiJai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Hi Jai Jai,You asked a few posts ago if it was possible for you to change and how....Well its always possible (is that spelt right?) to change. If that is what you truely want to do. What you are doing to yourself isnt repulsive. Its not being very nice to you either Im not sure "why" you do the things you do. Is it possible that you are trying to punish yourself for something ???I dont know really, but I suppose it could be that you feel you deserve to be treated by men in this manner. Erm Im not good at words today, but is it possible this is just a variation of s/i ???Could you maybe reconsider Therapy to help you with this ?Im sorry your stressing, and that expressing yourself here makes you feel small and weak. For what its worth I think your anything but weak, it took great courage for you to share with us here how you are feeling. Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) try to dream. Edited July 13, 2011 by JaiJai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 Not exactly a relationship candidate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 Hi Jai Jai,Im sorry you feel like nobody. Have you ever considered on-line counseling, that way atleast you would be able to remain annonymous, and not actually have to physically face someone, yet still be able to recieve some help.Also wanted to offer a friendly ear, if it helps. Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) Try to dream Edited July 13, 2011 by JaiJai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 sorry woz only trying to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Edited October 8, 2011 by JaiJai Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 Your not beyond anyones help Jai Jai, I realise it probably feels that way to you though.Oh and in answer to how friendly do I think I would be if it was my husband that had been screwing someone behind a dumpster (or anywhere else for that matter), and had lied by saying he had gone to get smokes or something.Honestly I would show him the door and tell him to walk. Close the door on his way out. And never give him the time of day again.I wouldnt be upset with the girl at all. That may sound weird to you and maybe even a lot of people. But the way I see it. Its not the girl that is at fault - it would of been my husband. And yes I would offer her a friendly ear, and be understanding. But maybe thats just the way I am, Im kinda weird at the best of times.I was serious about offering you a friendly ear. But thats up to you. Im not going to force the issue.Please try and take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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