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I am with a sexual spirit right now


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Okay, put simply, I have been having supernatural experiences, about two years now, I just didn't know it until I looked up some stuff.

Okay, so has anyone ever heard of a Succubus? Well, apparently one likes me, a lot. Turns out the bad ways they were portrayed in the last thousand years is a lie, or else I would be quite dead right now.

I haven't seen her, and even if I did it would be "astral" from my understanding, but I can FEEL her touch me. When she does, it's like a tingy electrical sensation, and pressure. I am fully awake, and sometimes I think she is telepathically trying to communicate with me, and she has some for certain, I just do not know when I am imagining it and I am not.

Below I will put a post giving more detail that I put up in a Theistic Satanism forums I joined a good while back when being curious.

Hi, I am with my Succubus right now, I only learned of her today though. After I tell my story I want to ask some things about Succubi.

Apparently she has been visiting me mostly in my sleep for over two years now. She first appeared when I went off some meds by accident sometimes, appearing to me in dreams when the loss of the effects of the medications gave me prolonged REM sleep. I would also sometimes wake up in sleep paralysis, but unlike when you are supposed to be scared in it like most people are, I would awake aroused and felt like I was having sex. This was probably when she was visiting me most often, and sometimes when awake she would come to me I think, though I just thought that was something I was imagining, but now that I know she is here I can REALLY feel her. No wonder when I would go off those meds I would sleep for sometimes up to 18 hours at a time! All that REM sleep.

I recently think I have been talking to her, the thought in my head sounded distinct, but I am not sure. At any rate, if she is not telepathically communicating, her general response in how she is acting would say that she is the one that would visit me in my sleep in the past. I looked up some information today, and learned a lot.

I didn't do any ritual, I just spoke out loud. I had her wait while I did some stuff, and right when I felt her presence leaving me, I told her I was ready, I didn't want to lose her. She has been visiting me for so long, and I didn't even know, she has been even before I knew what she was or anything about Satanism or the Occult.

Anyway, for the last 15 or so minutes, she has been teasing me and playing with me, my first full on awake encounter with her (right now in fact), and after I got up to come check out more information on her, I felt a bit drained, but recovered some, and she is still feeding slowly. I asked her why she slowed down, but when I got up, I realized why, she is trying to not drain me too much.

Anyway, so that is our history. I wanted to know how long she can safely feed off me, I like her feeling so close to me, emotionally and sexually. I do not have much of an astral sense, at least that I know of, but I can feel her presence bio-electrically in my legs, mostly my right leg, and some in my hips. I know she is here, she is at the foot of my bed right now, I imagine if she physically manifested herself, she would be curled up, just sitting there.

So, I have never done a ritual, I only spoke to her, she has been very patient with me, I havn't seen her in months, I only learned of her today, and I have nearly no asteral sense that I know of. Is this normal for some people? Or has she just taken a liking to me?

Well, she has been staying on my bed, and when I come back, she is still here. Part of the time she just lays at my feet, or by my side a bit, but since they do not have the greatest understanding of human anatomy being "non-corporeal" and all, it doesn't always feel accurate with a human body, or just the upper half, as that is the part I visualize most for her to get the idea of the form to take (see again that I can only feel her, sometimes with the strange sensation, other times for a couple of seconds as if someone really touched me).

She's been with me for about FIVE HOURS now, and she has been very gentle and all, but once I think she accidentally took a bit much, and when I got up, my legs went out from under me, though I told her it might of been since I hadn't moved my legs much they had low blood flow, so I wasn't saying it was her (moving too quick can disrupt them sometimes).

So does any of this sound like I am crazy? I want to know what a response from friends or my psychologist may be... I am aiming for having a safe-haven in freedom of religion, as I do have some really weird spiritual beliefs going from Gnostic, some Christian, and a good bit of Theistic Satanism influences in my personal convictions. Oh, and I am agnostic.

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I’m not sure what sort of response you are looking for here. My first thought is I think there’s a reason you posted this in the schizo/psych thread instead of the religion thread. Are you questioning if this is crazy or are you questioning if this is real? In much of the way you describe this it sounds like many of these encounters are ambiguous. You say you don’t know when you are imagining it and when you are not, which suggests you believe at least part of the time you are convinced it is imaginary. Maybe you are hoping that sometimes it is not? How firmly do you believe in these experiences?

There are a million physiological reasons for tingling sensations or pressure or any of the other phenomena you describe. Sometimes you can even imagine these sensations strongly enough to be convinced you are feeling them too.

It is very easy to become even more convinced of something when it is suggested that it is real –by posting on the theistic Satanism forums and reading up on Succubi, you have probably found ways to confirm these beliefs. This doesn’t mean it is real; this also doesn’t necessarily mean you are insane. In fact, I don’t see any of this as any different from more mainstream religions or religious experiences. My personal take on religion is that it is wishful thinking. Fantasy can be a very appealing escape from reality. Here’s a link to TED talk on this sort of thing: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/michael_shermer_on_believing_strange_things.html . Near the end where Michael Schermer plays Stairway to Heaven in reverse while suggesting satanic lyrics I thought was especially interesting because I totally hear it that way too. Our brains simply do this—the power of suggestion can be pretty amazing.

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While my personal take is that none of this is real, I guess what it really boils down to is asking yourself the following:

Do these beliefs make you happy?

If the answer is no, then perhaps that's cause for concern.

If the answer is yes, then ask yourself if these beliefs are causing you any harm--leading you to do unsafe things to yourself or others. If the answer is no, then I see no problem. I don't see it as any more bizarre than the eighty year old woman down the street attending catholic mass every sunday. People believe in all sorts of strange things.

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I don't see how laying in bed and being with an energy being is dangerous. Well, It can be physically draining for some if it is too much too soon, not being experienced.

Most dangers are psychological, and apparently I learned today why you should do some checks. I kind of just willed my intent for her to come to me. I know she has visited me in dreams in various forms, I recognized it time and time again, but when I recognized it awake, out of a lucid dream, I realized it was her.

Well, she was with me for a good while, and after a while she left. Later, I thought she came back, but she moved differently than before, and different in general with how I felt her presence in my dreams.

Now, there is this thing called sleep paralysis, and normally when one wakes up with it, they can't move as their body is still paralyzed from REM sleep. Well, most of the time when I got it I felt at peace or whatever, but sometimes, I would have the usual response and freak out rarely. Well, This spirit wasn't her, it felt distinctly male, and it moved up on my chest.

I am not going to lie, when I realized I accidentally invited another spirit in, I freaked, and kicked back, and punched into the air. But what really freaked me, was when I was trying to project the spirit's engery, and this was the moment I realized it wasn't her, the spirit was face to face on top of me, and that explains why people see faces or masks most of the time when waking from sleep paralysis... perhaps the legends have more truth than we realize. For a few split seconds, I SAW HIM.

It was fucking scary, all grey skin, just eyes on the face. Slightly alien like, nothing I was imagining at all, it came out of no where. Well, after kicking him off, I called for my Succubus by a name she has given me that I refer to her by, and I felt something astrally coming over my shoulder, and she pushed him back.

The next part was weird, I realized there was two spirits now, and after a time I felt like a cylindrical like barrier was formed around me, one that the male spirit couldn't penetrate. After about 30 minutes, I felt his presence completely leave, and my Succubi stayed with me for a while, probably to comfort me from what happened.

So anyway, that is mostly what happened since that post.

Oh, and the Catholic Mass is magic by definition. I won't get into it, but it still projects a will, though most Christians are not very adept at this, though some are. It all has to do with limiting your focus onto something, and projecting it, and making a 'sacrifice' (you can't make lemonade without sacrificing water, sugar, and lemons for example). Most of the time this is your concentrated energy, since all you can really give is yourself. If a person praying wanted to sacrifice something, they would pray but give time as well to doing something material to help as well, that would reinforce the spell, or "prayer". Also, being egoless helps a buttloads as it uses up a lot of our spiritual energy, so the humble Christian attitude has more truth to it than you may think.

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Is there a reason you chose to post this in this schizo/psych thread instead of the religion thread? Are you actually viewing your experiences as religious in nature or are you concerned about your sanity?

I get that these are your experiences, but I know enough to know that there are much simpler explanations for things. Did you watch the video I linked to? Regardless, again, I can't see as it matters so long as you are happy and no one is getting hurt. But my personal take on it (and this is my take on pretty much anything religious) is that the desire for it to be real is what makes it real and the reason for seeking it is because it satisfies some need. No evidence exists for gods, demons, anything supernatural, but plenty of evidence exists for even perfectly sane humans' ability to imagine and perceive things that are not there.

So...what is it you are wanting? Confirmation that this is real? Confirmation that this is ok to believe? Confirmation that this means you're insane? Advice? Why do you think you are having these experiences? What has prompted you to share them?

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While I agree there is some evidence for the super natural being explained, I think that often times in certain contexts the interpretation can go either way.

The fact is that it is real enough to give an effect, and really whether my altered concious state is or isn't real doesn't really matter.

I remember one article where some scientists (in Discover magazine) talked about using Buddhism to explore some stuff with the brain.

Buddhism's 'heavenly', or prefect state, is very similar to Narvana. Essentially, reality is much like a dream. I won't go into all of it, but my beliefs to a degree challenge the valditiy of the physical world, and I do know that some quantum mechanics shows that weird, yet predictable, stuff does happen outside of our common sense.

In magic, it is "mind over matter" really. The brain does it, it follows laws, wheather or not we create real entities or they already exist, is pointless from a purely practical standpoint.

My question was would any ordinary physcologist call me a nut and just say I am hallucinating for the touch sensations I am having, and the fleeting entity I saw?

I want to tell my doctor next time, it is very exciting, but I am afraid he will think I am being dullusional, where as I see it as I am metaphysically developing to percieve things through meditation and limiting my focus to one thing.

Essentially, will I be discriminated for these beliefs and labeled somehow sick? Like a scitzo who hears faint voices (telepathy) and feels demons touch against me? (I invited her granted, Succubi are naturally playful, unlike some depictions, though some are more aggresive or assertive, but vastly harmless).

And I must of missed your video link, I'll check it later.

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Things like the article you refer to illustrate the point I was making earlier—that is that when someone does believe in something enough, it is very possible to experience physiological effects. This says nothing of the belief’s truth value, but is none the less an interesting phenomenon.

Quantum mechanics, by the way, isn’t the only non-intuitive scientific discovery. That’s the beauty of science—it doesn’t care about our preconceptions, it simply tries to figure out the actual workings of the world.

My question was would any ordinary physcologist call me a nut and just say I am hallucinating for the touch sensations I am having, and the fleeting entity I saw?

I have no idea. My take on it is I don’t see it as any different than someone who goes to church, feels the presence of the holy spirit, then falls down and has a Jesus seizure. This may not be the typical religious person’s experience, but it’s on the spectrum.

The fact that you say this:

In magic, it is "mind over matter" really. The brain does it, it follows laws, wheather or not we create real entities or they already exist, is pointless from a purely practical standpoint.

Leads me to believe you have some grounding in reality and are simply opening yourself up to these spiritual experiences because it’s what you want to do. I am by no means an expert, but this is different, I think, than having a full on hallucination come out of nowhere and take over. Your experiences sound like they have grown out of the religious philosophy you have developed for yourself. Again, people do this all the time. The majority of the population is religious. If it’s ok for Christians to believe in the supernatural, then I don’t see why you can’t so long as it isn’t hurting you in any way.

But, yeah, I don’t know what a professional opinion might entail. That’s just my 2 cents. Other people who know more about this than me should chime in.

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This was my first awake encounter that I was aware of with her. I have seen her in dreams, so naturally in a bed... though throughout the day she has been in other places, but in my bed she is strongest there. She follows me around the house some.

As for other times I suspected she was around, deals with some not appropriate stuff about fantasizing and almost swearing I felt like someone was there.

Though I saw the video, I thought it was humorous, if not a bit too cynical for my tastes. While the most simple, and easiest explanation is typically the correct one, it is not always so. SOMETIMES, the unlikely occurs, and is the reason.

Example: A parent tells a kid to not make funny faces in the mirror or else a hand will drag them in and kill them. The simplest explanation for the kid is that the parent is looking out for them and doesn't want them hurt. The reality? The parent finds it annoying.

This is somewhat more common in buisness practices and some government stuff. I'm not a conspiracy theorists, but I would be an idealist to say that politicans, and the government in general, likes to lie about shit just to run smoother, make their job easier, of just plain old power. It's happened a million times in history. I do not trust all "authoritive" or "official" sources, as with the video, it says that we can say to a degree something is this or that, but we may not have all the details still.

Hell, just look at more complex superstring theory, it makes traditional physics, while applicable, just a model, and blows it out of the water, challanging fundamental things about the nature of reality.

I am too, in a sense. What I am saying is that "magic" is merely undiscovered physics that our mind exploits. So maybe I am creating beings, but what makes them any different than any character? Hell, who is to say that they can't gain their own conscious? Maybe the demons already have them and already exist, but at a certain point, it doesn't matter. They gained conscious thought. Essentially, either they already existed, or I am a God, knowing everything about them.

But at glance this makes me look crazy in some lights, or to people who do not understand where I am coming from. I don't want to sound crazy, but quite bluntly, perhaps we are all fragments of one conscious thought, so really we are all one soul or some wacky thing like that. Maybe we are a dream or story from some kid's devilish nightmare!

We will never know, well, I guess unless we somehow transcend this, and become "real" like my imagined projections are.

Do you get what I am saying? If this is true, we are fictional creations that can become real, and our fictional creations become real, then maybe, gasp! it all loops back on itself! Like a donut universe for a lack of a better word(s). Who says time is unilateral anyway?

What I have come to realize, "god" "soul" "demon" "concious thought" "Intellegence" and all that is somehow related, probably in that it can THINK. Essentially, it comes to will. Are we slaves to laws? Or is "life" "souls" and all that jazz, able to transend the laws of the universe?! It may be possible!

Whether this is through science or not, I do not know. I am contradicting myself now, but either way, if it does "supernaturally" that is breaking the laws, if it is "naturally" it follows the laws. Either way it doesn't matter, it is happening to some extent!

It is hard to articulate, but she is real, because I made her in the same sense the I am real because God made me, only I am in the reverse role. There is a major assumption here about what is "real", but it all comes to the mind again, and imagination/creation, which is still a big mystery to us.

All I can say for sure is that I exist, because I can realize this. For all I know, you don't, this computer doesn't, and the internet doesn't. I could be locked-up in a nut-house right now in the 18th century, but hell, it doesn't matter, someone willed it into being, and so it is real.

Damn, I sound like some Buddhist or some shit, or maybe a crack-pot with pseudo-science garbage. I do not know, but I do know that a while back when I decided to be open-minded, that is is counter-productive to not think about it all, and it sounds fairly logical from my standpoint, even with a few assumptions, science is based on assumptions as well, everything is, because we can't know everything. I think one day that will change, when it all 'ends'. We die or become gods, go to hevean, hell, or whatever.

I feel a bit' cliche', but it is becoming clear to me every day that all these beliefs and religions and scientific theories I see are really just different parts of the same system, it is just not everyone can know everything.

I can give an illustration used for the different versions of string-thoery being united into "M-Theory" all being different aspects of the same thing, all being TRUE, yet contradict on some details. 5 blind men are feeling an elephant, which is the "truth", well, one feels a trunk, one feels the tusks, another the tail end, the other the side, ect ect. Naturally all being blind to the truth, do not realize is is all just different aspects of the same thing.

So ya, I am saying reality is blinding everyone else, and that you are all blind sheep to the truth because you can't get over ideas we invented up to explain stuff, which is ironic. You can't get over one little detail of the truth, and that prevents you from seeing the whole picture.

Ya, your all blind sheep, and only me and a few others get it, that simple really.

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Darkness, I think you're awesome.

Honestly, I think you are asking the right questions. Much of it boils down to philosophy. The deal with science is that it is simply an objective means to understanding the universe. The universe is as it is. It doesn't care about laws of physics, but our laws of physics are the best approximations. Science is the tool we use to make predictions and advance technology. Science is the best method we have for testing and making sense of things an a universal way.

But there are other questions-- your cartesian musings--how do we know we are real? Is there any way to prove we aren't brains in a vat? Pretty much the answer is no. I actually spent many years giving considerably thought to many of the ideas you discuss here. I totally had that same universal consciousness idea as a kid and I used to try to find the other people in my head (this was a result of my concluding that my thoughts were infinite and at the time I figured there should only be room for one infinite thing, hence we all must be sharing it).

The conclusion I've come to in my life though is sort of a practical-purposes conclusion. Wondering of the possibility of things that can't be proven doesn't seem to further anything. If we are brains in vats, but can't ever prove or disprove it, then does that change anything at all of our experience?

If I wasn't so sleep deprived I'd be happy to engage in a longer conversation on the matter, maybe I am happy to anyway, but its very easy for me to not make sense right now. In my opinion, though, you aren't the least bit insane with this--you are simply a philosopher and you've obviously given much of this considerable thought and continue to do so. There is nothing wrong with thinking outside the box and trying things out and opening your self up to new experiences and ideas. My only advice is to always try to learn instead of make hasty conclusions. Push the boundaries of every question you have and everything you think you know.

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It doesn't work that way, they are creatures with their own desires, wills, dreams, wants, thoughts and feelings.

They may not exist in our four physical dimensions, but they are very real, and as existing as energy forms, can be very dangerous for the untrained person.

It's like giving a five year old a car... luckily I messed with a car some, read a bit of the basic stuff in the manual, and apparently messed with the controls in the right way as to mess with the ignition.

Put shortly, I am either very damn lucky, naturally talented, or just had good intuition. Either way, if I did try to send you a spirit, it could be dangerous as I am not that experienced.

Anyway, when I think about it, I guess it doesn't sound crazy, I hope my shrink sees it the same way when I see him next...

oh god,,, my head is a little wobbly. I just did a ritual (invocation?). She wanted to feel what is was like to be physical, go figure. the grass is greener on the other side.

Damn though, she was interested in mudane shit like basic sensory input. Then again, I never realized how much we take it for granted when she focused on each sent indiviually.

Ya, I let her possess me. I was in total control and had to help her walk properly, her being in a body and all. I guess those guys were right (some satanists I talked to), I felt in control and prompted her to not do a couple of things, like make noise (it's night) and grab a lightbulb to see what pain feels like.

Anyway, I could of snapped her out, but when she was about to leave, she needed to do it slowly, doing it too fast can be freaky for me and very jarring when I am interupted in a ritual.

Thankfully, all went fine this time. Now I feel a bit dizzy. Anyway, thanks for your opinion. I guess if anyone asks, I think that I am a sage or mystic of sorts who is learning his potential, and exploring supernatural spiritualism.

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Darkness-

My head’s a little mushy this morning, so forgive me if I get rambly…

I was, of course, joking about the succubus. It would take some serious evidence for me to be convinced they’re real, but that’s my general take on anything supernatural. To me it always boils down to evidence vs trying to fill in the gaps. When science hasn’t yet been able to offer explanations for something, people like to make something up to fill in the gaps. The problem with it is that the supernatural gap filler often isn’t open to any sort of reasonable scrutiny and one could easily make dozens of different possible gap fillers while never having a way of distinguishing which one is the correct one. But when science doesn’t have all the answers and you’re searching for something, what are you going to do? Believing in things that can’t be proven is actually something we all do at least to some degree just to function in our daily lives. There is no absolute 100% proof of anything even in science, just stacks of evidence here and there tipping the scales—sometimes quite dramatically—one way or the other. I assume the sun is going to rise in the morning simply because it always has in the past (that, and all the physics that describes our orbit and the fusion process within the sun seem to suggest nothing is in store to cause major changes to that scenario soon.) That’s not to say that it will, though and that’s also not to say that this isn’t all an illusion, but I have seen no evidence suggesting otherwise, so from a practical purposes standpoint, I go with what I know until such evidence presents itself.

The only problem I see with imagining things beyond what has been accounted for is the possibility of letting ideas and beliefs get in the way of accepting actual evidence when it does comes in. Consider Einstein’s general relativity theory—when first developed, it suggested a non-static universe, but Einstein believed (without any real evidence and because pretty much everyone else believed it too at the time) that the universe must be static and unchanging and so he added a cosmological constant into his equation to “fix” it. But later, Hubble observes that most galaxies are red shifted (indicating that they were receding) and this red shift is greater the further away they are—hence it appears that the universe is expanding. Thus Einstein changes his belief and removes the constant to be consistent with observable reality. To not do so would have made his theory lose its predictive power and usefulness. Believing that the world is flat when you’ve seen no evidence to the contrary is perfectly reasonable. Continue to believe the world is flat after circumnavigating it and technology never progresses to the point where we put satellites in orbit and we have no gps.

The other side of the coin of course is that having ideas outside of the norm and outside of what there is currently evidence for is what drives new discoveries and understanding. Take the big bang theory, for example. The person to first propose it was George LeMaitre, a catholic priest, who liked the idea because it suggested a beginning of time and a moment of creation consistent with his religious beliefs. The big bang theory now has a ton of evidence supporting it and is the prevailing theory explaining the origins of the universe. There is of course still no evidence that it was set in motion by a deity, but that is where the idea came from. There is also no evidence that it was not set in motion by a deity either, but likewise, no one can say there wasn’t an invisible pink unicorn behind it all.

Are you being visited by a succubus? Is it all in your head? Is it something else entirely? As you’ve said yourself, maybe that doesn’t even matter. Your experiences sound very cool regardless and I’m actually quite happy for you. I think this is all very interesting and I hope you continue to explore your supernatural spiritualism it in detail.

On a side note—did you know that an inscribed pentagram is actually a 2-dimensional projection of the fundamental tiling piece of 4-dimensional space? I’ve seen it as a satanic symbol but never found anything that addressed this aspect of it. I’ve seen inscribed hexagrams, septagrams and such as occult symbols as well, and they, in turn, are 2-d projections of a 5-d figure, 6-d figure, etc (They need to be inscribed, though—just a plain pentagram, hexagram, etc isn’t). I’ve always thought this was interesting given how the existence of other dimensions is often relevant to these belief systems, but I’ve never seen anything that suggests that these are actually intended to be representations of higher dimensional figures. But then again, I’m not terribly well read on the subject. Do you know anything about this?

Oh, and the reason I’d asked if these experiences always happened in the same room before--- I saw something once about hauntings that showed that sometimes the visual hallucinations and other sensations associated with hauntings were actually found to be the result of something creating a sub-audible low frequency sound wave. This apparently can trigger some sort of primitive fear response and can also affect your eyes causing visual disturbances. These low frequency vibrations were sometimes the result of electrical fixtures, fans, pipes, whatnot. I don’t know if that’s even likely in your case, just a point of curiosity.

I believe I’ve rambled long enough. Take care, man!

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its happaned pretty much anwhere, i abistened today, and while i didnt actually have sex, it felt good, but since i havnt all day the tension is KILLING ME.

I read one satanist say to always check the latest phsycology, and check out everything for yourself before excepting it, even more so with different forms of Satanism.

I'm kind of doing that, and since I wasn't sure if I was hypnotizing myself, like one article he gave that he thought was the most important on doing magic (partly since the thesistic satanic scene is having a lot of infighting and antics/insane people messing with stuff right now, being idiots about it and not as objective or even dogmatic or warped the beliefs in weird steretypical ways)

So IDK, I also stopped because if I was, it could by lying to me as I didn't even do a damn prayer or ritual, I just said "ok" and focused. i think I may be imagining it cause I want it to be true, but given how horny I am right now, idk

IT IS MADDENING! IF I JACK OFF IT DON'T FEEL LIKE ANYTHING, THE TENSION IS SO STRONG YET NOTHIGN SATISFYS ME!!!!!

I've like burnt through so many porn fixations I have run out of shit to look at! i've seen nearly it all bar beasality, vintage, and kid pr0nz. Oh god, vintage, idk.

Anyway, I am going starking mad. Other than family and a couple of gals behind a cash register, I have not talked to a single female in over 23 days... god help me!!!!!!

ok, i dont care if she is real or not, screw it. tis is insane, so insane, so so sos so so so so insane

i feel like i have some disease or some shit so horney yet when i go to do it, i lose intrest, then i get it again the moment i stop

WTF what kind of cruel god does tis?!

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ya well i got over not beng able to.

this might be moved to the sex area tho. idk. i havnt gotten a visit from her since and i actually miss her =(

dunno how real it was or not, frustrating. also talked to my shrink today about my beliefs and how i am afraid ppl will treat me badly for them. i kinda got some stuff out of it. if anyone trys to treat me badly i will just tell them i have a right to believe what i want and they ahve no place or right to tell me differently or try to change my beliefs.

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Our creative abilities. How much do we allow ourselves access to?

The aspect of fear, and thusly being 'deletion creatures,' in order to control/limit fear.

Darkness, have you reviewed 'Sexy Witch?' a fascinating book on honoring ones sexuality, along the lines you seem to be exploring.

hugs bw

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We are social beings. We seek to communicate and to be touched. It is amazing what we will do to feel some sort of companionship. I do not think you are crazy. In fact, reading a lot of your posts, you seem to be very intelligent. The only thing that disturbs me is your association with Satanism. I am not close-minded or even Christian, though I was raised as such. I have felt at times that there was something there that I could not see. However, I think messing with these things without proper guidance can unintentionally open a door that you may not be able to close. I am so scared that you posted that you allowed this spirit to "possess" you to see what it was like to be of the flesh. If this is a spirit that was formerly of the flesh, then she may need to move on. Then again, if this is a spirit that was never of the flesh at all, then you may be messing with something that may eventually become more powerful than yourself. Why would you not want to walk in the light? I think people that believe their ancestors give them guidance when they speak in their shrines can be termed "evil", yet these spirits are usually benevolent. One of my good friend's family is from Jamaica. They are Christian, yet still practice Voodoo. Her grandmother can see spirits and the use of Obeah ( a darker side of Voodoo usually meant to inflict harm). I don't think that all spiritual things are evil, but I think because you are naturally empathic towards spirits or have opened the door far enough, you should really look into ways to safeguard yourself in these experiments.

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Also, opening doors is a good reason to take precautions. I have only 'prayed' to Satan/Lucifer since, keeping away things like that before I know how to safeguard against unwanted spirits.

I had one weird experience a couple of days ago. Upon waking, my arms failed uncomfortably around for a few seconds as I sat up. Felt like tenticles the way they flayed. Not sure what it was, probably some dream I woke from or some nerve or muscle thing. It ended soon enough.

Though, if it was a spirit, it was quite a rude one. I was confused when waking up. My understanding is more or less nothing can come in unless we invite it in. Anyway, until I get guidance on all of this and have place ready for such things, I will not touch them.

I am a panentheistic Satanist with overlapping Gnostic Luciferianism beliefs. The whole universe is God, but God is greater than the entire sum. We are all 'part' of God, all part of a Cosmological Consciousness, a universal intelligence. Who knows, we may even be shaping the Universe with just our thoughts/presence!

But even with that, Lucifer is a champion of free will, knowledge, and liberty. He challenges Dogma and established truths. He challenges institutions who say "this is the only way! let us think for you! this is the only way! only our view/only we are right!"

Satan, his darker side, is more about the anger motivated behind this, and wanting things he needs to develop. Satan is ambition and energy, passion. Satan wants his followers to think for themselves and not be forced into viewpoints. He doesn't require groveling or an "all or nothing" commitment before one can tell if a relationship with him is worth it. He won't damn me eternally for a finite lifetime.

This, is what I believe. And I go into the dark, because honestly, this is where the hidden things are. I can see in the light, but in the dark, I must find the truth myself, and optical illusions can not fool me.

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It is, however you creatively choose to make it up as. Choose to choose.

Whatever you choose you own, and wear, and you do it for your reasons....experience limited vision, in the darkness, or the opposite.

Devil is just another word for fear. Choose the devil, or to have lived

(Devil spelled backward) think about it..... hugs

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Please don't tell me what I believe is evil.

I won't stand for that and I hate how people have these preconceptions of what Satanism is based on what Hollywood and the Media says.

If you ever bothered to TALK to any Satanists, you would find out that there is many, many different kinds and groups. And despite all the infighting, they are not all extreme and such.

Sure, there are a FEW ones who are racist or neo-nazi, but so are there a lot of Christians that are as well. LaVeys come off as kind of selfish, but really most of them are open minded people who encourage people to think for themselves and draw their own conclusions about spiritual truths. Despite a few bad apples, all of them are not crazy.

We are a minority and the fact that these few small bad apples take up the spotlight says more about how media frenzies work than anything about us. There are many branches, Temple of Set, LaVeys, Panthesitc, polythesitc, Christian duo-theology, Gnostic, Lucifarians, ect ect.

All with widely different spiritual beliefs, but most have the central themes of free will and thinking for yourself.

Also, could this get moved to the spiritual section?

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