why am I so distant from people?

[mscat]

I have known for a while that I have become really unattached to people. Not getting good feelings around anybody at all I shut myself out from really anything social or even just talking to people. I think that I am more open in this community then anywhere else. I Just have not gotten any real nice feelings about most people. With the expection of my son and brother I am shut out.

I was over my brothers house tonight. We first went to the town bar and stuff, then back to his house where he has his own bar. My sister in law and neice all have so much to say and like to go on facebook and all that. A friend of theirs stopped by too, and when they talked they really liked it.

Not only did I notice just how cut off I am from all this social interaction I now wonder why the hell I "do not like people" It is really bad that even my son has taken notice. Especially that he is autistic with cognitive delays. He says to me Your not much a people person...

I know I do not resent people. I just have a really hard time finding joy or happy good feelings your suppose to have when you have friends or talk to others. It is true I did drink some tonight and that always makes me over the top happy. And easier to be around folks. Normally I stay alone , with my dogs at home, closed in , nobody bothering me or bothering them.

I guess it is because of life experiences that has left me this way. I am not sure if I like this anymore, but do not know how to change. I guess this goes really deep inside me , and I am just a unsocial loner .

[lagrima]

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[Jenna520]

Sounds like we have something in common. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety, which means I get really uncomfortable around people. But it doesn't stop there.... when I'm with people other than my husband, my kids, or my parents, I feel like I don't 'fit in' basically because I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I don't get excited over things, and just to be honest I hate leaving my home. My home is my "comfortable and safe" place. If suffer from anxiety or depression, it affects how you interact with others. In a lot of cases, it causes you to avoid interaction with others.

If you've been done wrong in the past by people, it just makes it worse. A bad encounter with one person can leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth for the rest of your life. I was deeply emotionally hurt by someone and since then, I feel like all people are the same. It sounds like you may have been in a similar situation?

Depression may have deprived you of simple joys that most people get from everyday things. Myself, I can't think of one thing that I enjoy doing in my free time. Everything I do is a chore.

Until you find which is affecting you, you will forever try to avoid social interaction, which will in turn, interfere with your quality of life and how you perceive it. Do you have a therapist that you have discussed these feelings with? Sometimes it takes a little digging into your subconscious to find what makes you this way..... I'm still digging.

The more you make yourself get out and socialize and be around people, the more your feelings will change, and the greater the chance you'll too start to enjoy doing your own things, whether it be facebook, walking in the park, fishing, etc.

I hope you find what has caused you to feel this way because I know how you feel. It's not a good feeling. Is it possible that your are bitter because of the struggles and stress with your son and doing it alone? Just something to think about.

A cloud will linger as long as you let it, but just a little bit of sunshine can break through that cloud and make a difference. Get motivated to find the wind to push that cloud from blocking the sun and enjoy yourself, your life, other people, your son, and find a way to beat this. I'm here for you and I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to. With the way you express yourself here on the forum, you have a big heart full of kindness that people will love, if you just get comfortable enough to let them see it.

[mscat]

Excruciating pain / suffering is bound to impact your life in some way .

Remember the famous Sartre quote -

"Hell is other people."

Sartre stated that "In order to make myself recognized by the Other, I must risk my own life. To risk one's life, in fact, is to reveal oneself as not-bound to the objective form or to any determined existence—as not-bound to life" .

this is very profound. Makes one think on a deeper level.

Jenna,

Thank you so much. Last night over my brothers it hit me. Hit me hard. How they were interacting with each other and friends. How they talked to each other, at least I had been drinking though, otherwise it would have been a painful experience...

What you wrote is way too familar. It is odd, because I am not too sure if I am too anxious, but definately carry a chip on my shoulder. If I am in places like the mall or Walmart where their are many people and strangers I go into protective mode. Still functional, however, I go through the motions without feeling a thing. Very numb , and unemotional. Noises bother me, crowds irritate the hell out of me, people driving are the worst. I am always pissed about that.. I already have had enough just trying to drive safely through traffic and stupid drivers.

I am both of those things you wrote.. I have had way too many bad experiences with people. This is nothing new. I am thinking it is a accumaltion of bad experiences that began when young. Even those who were suppose to be the closest ones to me. that is when it started. And spread out to others. ANd kept going and going. It just seemed like I never fit in anywhere at all. As a gradeschool child I was bullied. And never fit in with the girls at church either. they were snooty and did not talk to me. Lived in foster care. early child abuse that continued in foster care.. then at 13 began acting out.

Although I did not turn violent towards others, I certainly took it out on myself. Figured it had to me. That only intensifed, now i am in my 40's and have this issue . A whole attitude that has change the way I feel and live.

I think I have done it more out of self perservation. I have to live in this world I never fit in with people I don't understand who are cruel, vicious, liars, backstabbing, thieves, evil, scary, threatning, loud, pushy, nasty, unpredictable, untrustworthy, abusive, shallow, irritating, stupid, ...

Yep, I have big issues with others..

No, i have not discussed this in therapy. I need to. Otherwise I am likely to self destruct, over and over again.

Major depression, yes. I am suppose to take pills for it. I get teary easily and break down , it happens , then it is ok, then it is not, and it comes back again.

A lot of times my 2 little dogs are my best friends. I am ok with my son though. i do not resent raising him alone, their was no choice. With the way I think and feel about people I made him the center of my life. Children in particular are people I do get. They are so much more honest then grown ups when little. I use to teach. And happened to be very, very good. It was the co workers who gave me hell. i taught for 20 yrs or more. Special needs children were always close to my heart.

[Jenna520]

It's actually a bit normal to be judgmental with society, because the cold hard truth is that people usually are all the things you mentioned above. Somehow, somewhere, it became acceptable for people to act that way and it disgusts me as well. I definitely think taking your anti depressant regularly or perhaps trying a new one if it doesn't work would help a lot. Anxiety is definitely screaming out in your post too. Driving is one of my "issues" as well. I feel like I'm driving among idiots when I'm driving. The person behind me is following to closely and the person in front of me is going to darn slow. That's my anxiety kicking in.

It's very admirable of you the approach you have taken with teaching, and the love and kindness you have for special needs children. It takes a very strong and compassionate person to have this gift.

I would definitely talk this over with your doc though because whether you see it or not, it's greatly affecting your quality of life. Mental and emotional disorders take away from life and before we know it, years have passed and no progress. You deserve to be able to socialize comfortably, have new friends without the fear of them stabbing you in the back, keeping you from attempting to try. Sad but true, this world is full of evil nasty people. But it takes some work to be able to not pass judgement on everyone, and to befriend someone before making a decision of who they are.

Much hugs, and I hope you do take my advice at seeking out a way to help yourself with this. There's no need to put yourself in an unneccesary prison. Good luck.

[flander]

that sounds familiar

[mscat]

Wow, Jenna that was an amzing response, thank you.

my brother envited us back over for a BBQ this evening . We shared in the food costs and all was well until his wife lost 20 dollars in her wallet. She went absolutely crazy on her 14yr old son, my nephew. i never seen her like that. Yelling screaming, just scary nuts . They do struggle with money and it was actually their last bit.

Well then it got even more bizzare. Brothers wife takes 3 times the amount of Xanax , and totally "loopy" then brother ends up drinking his Beer .. Their 19 yr old daughter is pregnant, living at home. All was insane. I did go to the store and give them money I had, so sister in law would knock it off. we just pretended my brother took it by accident .

Well , so much for being able to relax, try to be comfortable, and talk.. It all went ok though despite all the drama. Heck, I hardly ever go there , or anywhere. Then for all that. I now know why, so many people are just plain old stressed out or dysfunctional.... Me I am not all that stable either. But, at home their is this safe feeling. Nobody to hear, or deal with, my own son and little dogs, that is really a much better place to be then the outside world. I am like u , i stay in my own home most of the time and for me, I often resent even having to go out.. Now that is difficult. :eek:

[Jenna520]

That's hectic... and I'm sorry to hear about the situation.

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach when I read your last post. Alcohol and pills... wow. It hits me hard. That's what took my brother's life over a month ago. A dirty secret kept from me, that will haunt me till the day I die. If I had known, I would have been on a mission the last ten years to save my brother's life and he might have still been here today.

I can't really sit here at this point and time and type the response that I need to about the importance of getting them to stop their recreational use of the two because today has been one of my weak days with coping with the loss of my brother. But I pray that your brother and sister in law stop before it's too late. An attempt at getting shit-faced left my brother taking his last breath of air, and left me with a lifetime void, plenty of anger, and what if's. It hurts to think anyone would have to go through what I've experienced the last month. I hope everyone in their lives tries to talk some sense into them and get them to seek help for their habit. Oh my, I hurt for you all. Much hugs and thoughts throughout today.

[mscat]

I am very sorry about your loss. In recent years my brother and I were lucky to have gotten to know each other and become close. We did not grow up together. That was taken away because all of us siblings were taken away from child abuse, separated at a young age. This is a younger brother and I never knew the feeling of what it was like to be close to someone who is biological related until him. I rather die to have to bury him. The thought of that is really unbearable.

He will admit he has a drinking problem. He is trying hard to limit himself because of the baby. He is in the making promises stage, or saying that I am not going to drink, only on the weekends, or this is the last time... Sister in law does not always load up like that, I think she did use it as a crutch last night though, but, she risks a stroke if she gets outraged like she had , but it really did scare me. She could not walk on her own, acted like she was drunk , much much faster then my brother drinking too.. I really should have got out of there after she had her temper tantrum. My son does not need to be around that. I just did not know how swirly they both would get .

My son told me he never wants to go there ever again. He was hit by my brother too.. My son had went into a new house next door that is vacant, it was very dark and he had a knife he threw into the wall, well my brother heard a noise in the house , and panicked, saw someone and hit him, my son. He did not even tell me, but my son was absolutely pissed. He told me. Son is ok.

It just was a bad experience , and I really should of got out of there earlier. I am positive that we will not be over there for a long, long time.

It is a bit ironic that their are very simialar experiences we both share.. very bad unpleasant ones too that are right at the surface . It is no wonder that we both need to stay to ourselves and at home just to be able to cope in this world.