Post-Trauma Anxiety

[ChasingDreams]

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[JaiJai]

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[Guest SomethingOrOther]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that anxiety. I can understand that you feel vulnerable now. Do you have a therapist to talk about this? I don't have this experience with violence, but I think maybe part of the anxiety is there because it's not yet clear exactly what will happen, and maybe it would help to make a plan for some circumstances. Do you know at all, when he might get out of prison? Maybe it would feel good to express to him that the relationship is over? I don't remember the name, maybe you could get a thingy that says he has to stay away from you and your daughter, so that showing up at all is illegal. Basically do stuff to take control over your life. I hope things settle for you soon. Take care.

[SweetSue]

Hi chasingdreams,

A few years ago, after splitting from my ex. I was at times a nervous wreck. And for a quite some time afterward. I dont think the fear/anxiety ever really goes away - but in time it does get easier.

Did the police give you any advice for you safety, once they arrested your boyfriend ?

They can install panic alarms in your home, so that if your boyfriend does contact you at your home, you can just press the alarm fob, and the police will be with you in minutes.

Also has victim support (ran through the police) been in contact with you yet ?

The information and support that they provide is really helpful. They can also put you in touch with people who specialise in working with people that have survived domestic violence.

Take care

[ChasingDreams]

Sadly, no one has been particularly helpful to me with any of the "victim" stuff and I was a bit disappointed by how the legal system just kind dropped me on my own to deal with the aftermath of this. I know these places are all facing funding issues these days and probably having a hard time keeping up with the demand with less staff, etc. but I really would have thought that helping victims after something like this would be one of the top priorities...

The police were helpful in arresting him on the spot and taking pictures of my injuries, etc. but then they just dumped me at the hospital and told me to go to the courthouse on monday to get a restraining order. Then the hospital just discharged me and I was on my own (luckily my mom was around to pick me up).

So I dragged myself to the courthouse 4 days in a row (because I kept getting the wrong info, and then people were screwing things up...) to get a restraining order, when I really should have been recovering from having the crap beat out of me... Then I find out: 1) the cops could have done an Emergency Protective Order FOR ME... or 2) the District Attorney's office could have done a Criminal Protective Order FOR ME>< No one told me that...

The domestic violence organization everyone kept telling me to contact for help gave me minimal (and sometimes incorrect) information when I called... They do have support groups, but you have to pay to attend... and the closest is downtown in the city in the evenings (I live an hour away from there)..

I also arrived back at home to find that no one had cleaned up the blood that was all over the floor, walls and ceiling... and had to do it myself...

Then I heard about victim advocates at the DA's office and called, only to find out that they were supposed to have called and helped me right after it happened... that would have been nice... lol

And now I get to request to be reimbursed for my crime-related expenses, but it can take months to get paid... and I could technically get some kind of security system installed, but I'd have to pay out of pocket and get reimbursed later... which is pretty much impossible, since I lost over $500 in wages which won't be paid back for a while...

I also could move to a new place and be reimbursed later, but where the heck would I get the money for that? lol I think they really need to rethink this system... and give victims more support up front, rather than letting you get into financial ruin, along with physical, before they step in and help><

So I basically feel on my own with this, which is not a great feeling:(

[Guest ASchwartz]

Chasing,

What you describe is totally outrageous. I can understand why you are angry and, in reading what you have been through, it makes me angry for you.

Are you considering a law suit? There lawyers who will take cases on a "contigency basis," meaning that the only pay they get is if they win you money.

Allan