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Schitzophrenia has changed my life


bukendaa
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Hey there...Im fairly new here..i just want to talk about how Schitzoprhenia has changed my life..I devolped this awfull illness while smoking canibis at 15 this year...pluss stress and a family of mental illness didnt help my cause since my mother has manic depresion issues all her life plus my grandfather suffers mental health issues..I didnt know that canibis could cause such a devastating efect to a person with a predisposition to that type of mental illness...it has made me loose touch with reality to a full degree..made my memory shocking...changed my understanding on the world drasticly...i dont hear voices or suffer heavy delusions though i do get the odd one here and there but i snap out of them in a few hours...the odd haulcination here and there is about it.I just want to know if i am not alone in this horible psychotic world im in...i now look back and see how i took the world for granted..i now understand the world is your brain plain and simple..when that world gets distorted it is a scary thing..are there any tips on how to lead as best life i can with this illness? The useless Drs at the menatl health ward were i was staying put it all down to anxiety but i know in my heart and brain it is not anxitey i have sufferd anxitey for most of my life and this is not it..anyway any tips o how to lead as best life as i can?

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Guest ASchwartz

hi bukendaa,

there is a wonderful site called schizophrenia.com that you could check out for info. there is also nami, national alliance of the mentally ill, nami.com

as much as possible, reduce stress and get plenty of sleep.

talking psycho psychotherapies are very helpful.

keep up or build a sense of optimism.

there are plenty of self help books for those who have this illness.

allan

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Bukendaa,

I remember going through this myself. My uncle is schizophrenic and mental disorders run through my family. I remember fear of becoming stuck in this psychotic state and being like my uncle for the rest of my life.

Can you describe how you used to see the world compared to how you see it now? It is hard to put into words, I remember trying to do so myself...

I remember awhile ago Spiritual Emergency, who posts in this forum a lot (I dont know if shes still here) at one point had a whole list of how people tend to compare what the see now and how they used to see.

It would be things like rational vs emotional, good vs evil, etc. It is of course much more than that...

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I just used to be perfectly sane...I had a small psychotic episode back when i was 12 due to smoking pot..i was warned by the DRs..to stay well away from it/..i treated it like the plauge for 2 years...but this year i was 15...i thought i would be fine because my mates who are all stoners said i was just young and my brain would be more devolped now and i could handle it so i got into it agian and the exact same thing happend..like 2008..but expet this time it was far more intense the stuff nightmares are made of.. see pot stores up in the body pretty fast and once enough is in the system in can trigor first psychotic episode which then leads to skitsophrenia..this was about 23rd of august...Things were just insane..smells were strange..haulcinations..derelization..depreslization..psychotic thoughts..my whole brain just went loopy...im alot more stable then i was when this all started but im not the same.I belive my dad is not real and my real dad has been replaced by some sort of clone.My thinking is deranged...my memory is off cant tell 2 days ago to 4 days ago..I have gone back to colege with difcultys..it gets hard. But like i said i dont hear voices. I have recently taken up smoking to calm the nerves and parnoid thoughts...i take medication called saraquill..I sort of called tell before it happend something was a little wrong but i just ignored it. Why does the illness cause memory black outs and memory distortions? Im not highly psychotic.....I just wish that drugs didnt exist.. I dont fell happyness or exitement or love for my freinds or family..to me there not real..sometimes my mind fells blank..like theres absolutly nothing going on in there no thoughts of ambition or life...when before all this started i was striving to go foward.I am not Diagnosed with Schizophrenia...nor do i know 100% if i have it...

Edited by bukendaa
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I just used to be perfectly sane...I had a small psychotic episode back when i was 12 due to smoking pot..i was warned by the DRs..to stay well away from it/..i treated it like the plauge for 2 years...but this year i was 15...i thought i would be fine because my mates who are all stoners said i was just young and my brain would be more devolped now and i could handle it so i got into it agian and the exact same thing happend..like 2008..but expet this time it was far more intense the stuff nightmares are made of.. see pot stores up in the body pretty fast and once enough is in the system in can trigor first psychotic episode which then leads to skitsophrenia..this was about 23rd of august...Things were just insane..smells were strange..haulcinations..derelization..depreslization..psychotic thoughts..my whole brain just went loopy...im alot more stable then i was when this all started but im not the same.I belive my dad is not real and my real dad has been replaced by some sort of clone.My thinking is deranged...my memory is off cant tell 2 days ago to 4 days ago..I have gone back to colege with difcultys..it gets hard. But like i said i dont hear voices. I have recently taken up smoking to calm the nerves and parnoid thoughts...i take medication called saraquill..I sort of called tell before it happend something was a little wrong but i just ignored it. Why does the illness cause memory black outs and memory distortions? Im not highly psychotic.....I just wish that drugs didnt exist.. I dont fell happyness or exitement or love for my freinds or family..to me there not real..sometimes my mind fells blank..like theres absolutly nothing going on in there no thoughts of ambition or life...when before all this started i was striving to go foward.I am not Diagnosed with Schizophrenia...nor do i know 100% if i have it...I think these strange thoughts like everyone is in there own bubble and im left behind and just weird stuff that i cant put into words.And like i have lost my thinking abilitys that i have had all my life..seem to have left me like eveything isnt been put into the right boxes in my mind...its just strange...when people look at me on the street i auto think...there looking at me i must exist this must be real....

Edited by bukendaa
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Bukenda, with regards to the pot smoking, don't compare yousrelf to your friends who smoke it all the time and seem fine with it. IT affects people differently. I think it particularly has a stronger affect on people with anxiety..Also pot makes you see things a little differently, and as such, you begin to think about the world a little differently so you are not abnormal in that sense.

I dont think you are loosing your memory, I think maybe you are worried that you are loosing your memory, but in fact you are not. When I had a similar experience as you I never thought I was loosing my memory, but I was worried about a lot of things.

Maybe you havn't actually lost the way you used to think about the world, because you couldnt think that you are going insane without the contrast of knowing what it is like to be sane..

When you are thinking wierd thoughts about the world, and you understand that that are in fact strange thoughts, then you can still go back to how you used to think about the world. Rationalize to yourself that what you are thinking is sort of 'out there', and that it is not practical to your daily life. Doing this might is really the key way in which to get back to feeling normal, or okay with world.

No one cant really tell you how to get out of this state of fearing that you are going insane, becuase it is such a personal thing, you have to figure it out for yourself.

It might help to keep posting on this site, and just talk about whatever you are thinking about.

Edited by nathan
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