toulouse_lautrec Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 I'm in my 30's, male, and only 5'5" tall. I must say that my short height has made my life much worse. I've never really fit in anywhere, and I've never had much success dating. I don't think any woman has ever found me attractive. My life was relatively happy until everyone started growing around junior high/high school. Everyone except me. I tried to ignore it and live my life, meeting people, but it has always seemed to hinder my progress. I've never really dated quality women, I had to lower my standards to date overweight and not so intelligent women, as they were the only ones really interested in me. But a part of me just got tired of it. Why should I be the one to compromise? Why can't once, a woman compromise for me? These kinds of thoughts go through my head every day. Now as I'm getting older (almost mid 30's) I'm noticing people in general are getting taller. When I'm walking around, at the mall, store, etc, I notice that so many women are as tall or even taller than me. And 9 out of 10 guys are taller than me. Even 12 year old girls are taller than me. It just drives me crazy. I feel like less of a man. And I'm filled with rage about my situation. 4 to 6 inches more and I could have lived a happier life with more acceptance from society and the kind of woman I want(ed) to date. And to tell you the truth, it's not really about dating. I personally do not like my height. I don't like dealing with it. I don't care what others would say or think. I personally can't stand it.I have more to say, but I just wanted to get this off my chest first before I go into more detail. I've posted many times over the past ten years on various boards and newsgroups about my problem. I know what to expect -- people are going to say it doesn't matter, to have confidence, to accept it, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 Hi toulouse,Do you think that this could be just a wrong negative perception that you keep feeding? I personally never thought anything negative about a man because of his height. I just seen that people like Martin luther King, Frank Sinatra, Al Pacino, Phil Collins, Bono and Bob Dylan are only 1 or 2 inches taller than you. And people like Pablo Picasso, Paul Simon, Prince, Sammy Davis Jr., Elton John and Ghandi:) are all shorter than you.If you look at someone like Allen Iverson, he had to overcome a severe legitimate height disadvantage to become the person he was. He was probably the shortest person everywhere he played, in a proffesion that pretty much demands height. And he was a beloved person, atleast in my city:), and pretty successful.Maybe try to challenge the negative connotaions you have with it could help change how you see it yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted October 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 I don't think it's just me. Others have commented on my height, and women have never been very interested. Most women today are my height or even taller, and it's just awkward to be around them. I don't think I'm the only one feeling the awkwardness around women my size or taller. To think I could have a romantic relationship with them is absurd. And those short guys you listed would be viewed just like me if they weren't great musicians, artists, actors. When you're part of the mainstream, you're compared to others. And since I'm shorter than 95% of adult men, and probably half or more of women, I don't compare favorably. And therapy won't help. Therapy can't make me taller. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 Average height for an American woman is 5 ft 4 inches. So with certainty we know that your perceptions are skewed. If something is causing your mind skew the information it takes in, shouldnt that, at least, warrant seeing a doctor about this. =( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted October 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 Yes, the average height for an American woman is 5'4". I'm only one inch taller than that. Most women want a guy 3-6" taller, because they like to wear heels and they also like tall men. Being one inch taller than the average American woman changes nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted October 31, 2011 Report Share Posted October 31, 2011 Can you honestly say you know what most women want?Would a better goal just be, just trying to make a better life for yourself the way you invision it?The people I mentioned were short before they were known for anything, and some certainly werent accepted by the mainstream. I dont think theres a crusade against short men. I really wish you could get out of the habit of comparing yourself to everyone that walks down the street. I do think trying to find a kind and understanding therapist could help alot. Just having someone to talk things through with, and help you see through some of these over generlizations that have you stuck right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanPsycho Posted October 31, 2011 Report Share Posted October 31, 2011 If you really desire a shorter woman there's always midgets. Now I'm not trying to poke fun of you as I'm 5'7". I'm just saying that midgets are an option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted October 31, 2011 Report Share Posted October 31, 2011 hi toulouse, and others,height is a matter of mind over body. your height is rather average and i know multiple numbers of men that heigtht who are successful and popular. if people withdraw from you it means that you are sending some kind of negative message that you are not aware of. we send all kinds of non verbal body language messages all the time.by the way, height is levelling off.i think that there is something disturbing about other people commenting to you about your height. people are doing that because you are allowing and even encouraging it.as for your comment, jaijai, that was nasty, sarcastic and uncalled for.allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted October 31, 2011 Report Share Posted October 31, 2011 Yes, I think he was referring to AP's post, correct Allan?AP, please let's respect and support one another. TL, I am sorry for your pain around your height. What qualities do you like about yourself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanPsycho Posted October 31, 2011 Report Share Posted October 31, 2011 Yes, I think he was referring to AP's post, correct Allan?AP, please let's respect and support one another. Who says I'm disrespecting the OP? I said I wasn't poking fun of him. I also posted my own height to prove that I wasn't. I'm just coming up with options for him. Just like the OP's other topic about another one of his issues. I recommended a certain device that would help him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted November 1, 2011 Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 Here...I'll say it too. And then Allan may be rightous once again.....If you really desire a shorter woman there's always midgets. Now I'm not trying to poke fun of you as I'm 5'7". I'm just saying that midgets are an option. ....Actually TL, I'm 5'1". Buy yourself some snazzy lifts, hold your head up, and be confident and happy with who you really are (height is not the measure of a man). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenna520 Posted November 1, 2011 Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 Hi TL, first of all I'd like to say it's nice to meet you. As for your situation, I'm sorry your height is affecting your self esteem so much. Being female, and speaking from personal opinion, I believe it's possible that it's not your height that is affecting your success with women. Maybe it's your self esteem? I know you're down about your height, but trust me, women are not thinking along the lines of height when they think of a significant other. We think about a million other things, and if you don't believe in yourself, it's going to show. Confidence and trust are two of the most attractive things to find in a male. Quit beating yourself up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 So friends (who were much taller) commenting on my height when I was a junior/senior in high school, that I was short but "I'd grow in time" is strange? Or in college when the teacher called me "big guy"? Or women who have said I was too short to date, when they were only slightly taller than me? I don't think it's strange that people comment on my height, and I definitely gave no signals to encourage them to comment, unless you count walking down the hall or saying hello as "encouraging it." If you represent the typical psychotherapist mindset, I'm very happy not to go to therapy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 It's not my self esteem. It is my height. How many times do I have to say it? I've been confident, I've been not so confident, it does not matter. Looks and height matters most, no matter what you say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 You guys don't know what you're talking about, I'm heading back to shortsupport and other sites that know how to intelligently discuss this issue. You know you're dealing with mainstream people and advice when you're told to "be confident" and "height is mind over body." Give me a break. That advice is embarrassing and meant to circumvent the real issues at hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted November 1, 2011 Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 I supose u dont feel bad for men been taller than u right, the thing that really gets u is that girls are taller?So thats why im telling u the story of my auncle even if i dont like him at all.my uncle is the same height than u i think or hes almost there, hes like 46 and eh stills pick up decent women of that age obcourse, and ive meet lots of girl friends he had over hes life. Man the woman he has had, even one that was aunt of mine where all taller than him. He always said they where the same height in bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted November 1, 2011 Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 It's not my self esteem. It is my height. How many times do I have to say it? I've been confident, I've been not so confident, it does not matter. Looks and height matters most, no matter what you say.You've allowed your height to affect your self-esteem.I don't care about a man's height. I care about a man's heart. I care about his ability to be loving, caring, and kind. Sense of humor, intelligence, warmth. Sizes don't matter to me. You are not your height, TL. You know you're dealing with mainstream people and advice when you're told to "be confident" and "height is mind over body." Give me a break. That advice is embarrassing and meant to circumvent the real issues at hand. You are resistant to looking at things in a different way. The real issue at hand, from my unprofessional perspective, is how you feel about yourself. You can deny that, but denying it won't help you. Height is just a number. I've seen a huge change in the way others respond to me since I began projecting confidence and smiling. It does help. It won't make you taller, but it will make you more content with yourself as you are. Can you try accepting yourself as you are? What prevents you from doing that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 But he's 46. He's picking up used women who have been around and at that age, they don't care as much about height as they did when they were younger and fertile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 The same three people posting on every message board here, with the same mainstream advice. Useless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted November 1, 2011 Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 JaiJai,I owe you a major apology because I was referring to what AmericanPsycho said when "seeing a midget" was stated.This was my mistake and it gives me pain to think I hurt you. All I can do is apologize and I will send a not to AP.It was Americanpsycho's comment that was offensive. It was my error to refer to you when it was AP I was referring to.AP, those kinds of comments are wrong and the wrong of it was further compounded by my mistake. No more sarcasm!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted November 2, 2011 Report Share Posted November 2, 2011 But he's 46. He's picking up used women who have been around and at that age, they don't care as much about height as they did when they were younger and fertile.I cant tell if you have the worlds worst self-esteem, or the biggest over-inflated ego TL. In one breath your miserable because your inflicted with this terrible curse of being short (this is seriously superficial when you consider that your perfectly healthy-you just want to be different in a cosmetic capacity) And then your next argument your insulted that someone would think so little of you, to imply you date people who fall below your perfect mark for a woman.People have many good qualities, but no one is perfect,TL. Why not set aside (or see a proffessional) all of your physical ideals, and take the time to get to know people, without passing judjement. You might find the physical differences become much less noticable.There's a funny movie you may have seen calld Shallow Hal...if you havent seen it you should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm not perfectly healthy... I have had bad acid reflux and indigestion on and off for about 2 years (i think i have a hiatal hernia), no sex drive at all, and have a hard time maintaining an erection. I'm also overweight, about 190 lbs at my 5'5" height. Actually, these physical problems started when I went from 140 lbs to 190. I was doing low carbing for about a year, got my weight down from 170 to 140-145. Then over a two year period gained it all back and my new "fat" weight is 190-195 instead of 170. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaiJai Posted November 4, 2011 Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 Well, my point being TL, is that you seem to think you deserve to score a chick who is a perfect 10. Why not focus your efforts on being healthy, and being the best you can be. Maybe when you feel better about yourself overall, your will feel more confident. With physical well-being, a confident and kindly state of mind, you are sure to find yourself nicely received (and perceived) by others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanPsycho Posted November 4, 2011 Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm not perfectly healthy... I have had bad acid reflux and indigestion on and off for about 2 years (i think i have a hiatal hernia), no sex drive at all, and have a hard time maintaining an erection. I'm also overweight, about 190 lbs at my 5'5" height. Actually, these physical problems started when I went from 140 lbs to 190. I was doing low carbing for about a year, got my weight down from 170 to 140-145. Then over a two year period gained it all back and my new "fat" weight is 190-195 instead of 170.I've had acid reflux since my early 20s. As a lot to do with what you eat.I'm guessing you masturbate a lot. Over masturbating will kill your sex drive, oh and cause you difficulties with obtaining and maintaining an erection. Give the poor feller a vacation.There's plenty of medical reasons for losing or gaining weight. Depression can cause weight gain if you turn to food for comfort. Medication can cause weight gain and other health problems. I gained nearly 70lbs while I was on Abilify. Since being off the Abilify I've lost about 45lbs. Getting knocked up can cause weight gain. Unless you're a Seahorse you don't have to worry this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toulouse_lautrec Posted November 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2011 I never said I deserve a perfect 10. I beg to be average. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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