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Should I be feeling anxiety over this??


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Hi everyone.

Lastnight my gf took a cab home from work, her work pays for it. She informed me when she got home that the cab driver said she "has a nice shape" and some small talk ensued. He said he is from east Africa and that he has a wife over there. At the end of the ride he said "too bad you're not single".

Of course this upsets me as this guy knows she has a bf but still continues to be forward with her. But with my anxiety, I immediately get worked up over it and the worse starts popping into my head. Thoughts of him trying something with her or forcing himself on her or possibly him breaking in when I'm working a nightshift and doing who knows what... (the anxiety speaking). I also hate to sound ignorant but it also bugs me that he probably comes from a country where stuff like this isn't uncommon...

How unreasonable am I being??? What should I do?

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IMHO you're being jealous/overprotective unless there is more to the story. I wonder why your gf chose to share that information with you. Why would she risk taking a ride all the way home only to tell you about it if there were a legitimate threat?

It is honorable to be concerned for your gf's safety and want to protect her, but when that concern becomes worry that the absolute worst thing you could imagine is likely to occur then you have to ask why you cannot trust her to take care of herself in everyday situations.

I can't tell you what you should do because I don't think there is any right answer, but what I would do in that situation is choose a time when calm to express your concerns. What I'm reading is that when she tells you that a taxi driver made certain remarks you felt concerned for her safety and that the taxi driver was out of line in speaking in that way to a woman he knows isn't single. Focusing only on the facts and what you felt about them can help keep your emotions in check so that a constructive solution is reached. Getting down into the roots of why she told you this information and why you reacted the way you did could shine enough light on the problem to make the resolution appear.

In the mean time, you are giving that taxi driver a hell of a lot of power over your emotional state. Is that something you really want to do? If you really feel concerned for her safety wouldn't the appropriate course of action be for her to take a different cab and/or report the cab driver to police?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Heavyguilt,

It seems to me that your real anxiety has to do with fearing that your gf is attracted to this man and might cheat on you and not why he is flirting with her?


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I agree, it sounds like that this incident has stirred up the what if's in your mind, so now you're concerned about her faithfulness to you. Sometimes we forget when we are in a relationship, that someone else will find our partner attractive. That's where trust comes in. She told him she had a boyfriend, so she obviously wasn't interested. Maybe she told you just to get a reaction. Maybe she doesn't feel she's getting enough attention and this flirtation by the cab driver made her feel good about herself.

Has she ever done anything to break your trust? Have you ever done anything that you know would break her trust?

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