Mark Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 The issue of setting and maintaining boundaries within the community is very delicate and difficult. Things have been emotional lately for some reason, there is a lot of SI, and a few too many hostile attacks. We're at a point where things need to be reigned in. If I've erred in setting boundaries, it would be on the side of too much looseness, but there are also difficulties involved in swinging the other way, and also it takes more time to do that correctly than I can afford to put in here. It will be best if we have more people involved in moderation who are generally trusted by the community at large and who can therefore step in and help keep the peace (and the boundaries). This is one of those jobs that nobody wants to do but everyone wants done ; it needs doing, however, and we need help getting it done as I cannot be here all the time. Any volunteers, or nominations? Any concerns about this? Please let me knowI would also appreciate it if anyone who has vBulletin experience (or who is good at learning such stuff) can step up and help implement some of the great suggestions made here regarding sticky posts, links back to information on the main site, etc. Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 You do amaze me... you seem to let people express whatever they are thinking.. and that is good .. sorta like a group session in the hospital... In the hospital I am told to say it .. whatever it is... although I was raised good girls keep their mouths shut.However yes and Mark I know it is hard on a site like this because of moods and med changes and all that... I do think personal attacks should not be allowed... no one should be able to call anyone a bad name or tell them to leave... and yes I know that this site .. being what it is ... is full of emotion... You have a difficult job... one suggestion... perhaps set some rules.. like no personal attacks.. you can disagree with someone and discuss whatever the topic is ... but no "you are a bad person " etc... Course I do not know if you know what I am referring tooo.. but people have been called sick and other things on this site... Get the groups.. reccomendations on what the RULES of conduct should be... set in a warning system... 1 or 2 warnings and then suspend the right to post for a week or so..... Just a suggestion. I do not agree with Banning unless someone keep up very bad behavior... on purpose.. like I said this is a mental health site and people will have bad days.. that is just part of it. But a cooling off period may help.I would love to be a moderator... however.. I do not know if I would be a good one... There is a lot of stuff going on on this site... but then again we all have mental issues and you will have that.. Then again we all should respect each other too.....Don't know.... about the program.. but I am good with that kind of stuff too....I think you try to be fair and diplomatic......JT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pseudonym Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 I have been argumentative, and not particularly kind... escpecially when faced with the opposition I have been faced with. I can't help but feeling that a lot of these problems are due to me. It seems that All of this started when I first signed Anonymous. I have been raising particular emotions that I did not mean to raise, and I feel very guilty about that.I have even nearly driven confused away with my constant bickering. I should have never let it go this far. In any other case I would volunteer. But seeing as I have been one of the (if not the main) perpetrators in this particular problem, I do not think it would be beneficial. I'm sorry for the problems that I have created, and if you wish to make an example of me, I would understand. I feel I would deserve it.- Anonymous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catmom Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 (edited) I have been aware of at least some of the bickering and it has not just been you, pseudonym. It has been at least a two (or three) way street from what I've seen.Mark's request for help is understandable but if he wants me to be more of a referee than just a spam-zapper type moderator, I have a lot of reservations about that. I have always deferred to him when I had a question about someone who I thought was being rude, etc. The reason for this is twofold: 1) I don't relish being the target of certain posters' rage and 2) I am a registered nurse not a mental health professional and I am unclear what the proper way is to handle someone who has bipolar issues and is manic, for example.I will say that I do NOT believe that mental illness excuses what I consider to be abusive behavior on the part of some members of this board. If I were the "boss" here, I would have some very clear sanctions/consequences for members who do become abusive. In my non-mental-health-professional opinion, we do no one any good by tolerating misbehavior.Catmom Edited November 12, 2008 by Catmom typos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proverbs31:28 Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 I have been a community host (aka moderator) on another site which has nothing to do with mental illnesses, whatsoever. On that site, the job of a host/moderator was to ensure that posts were kept in the proper forums and move them if necessary; that no mudslinging occurred; that EVERY post got at least ONE response even if it was something as simple as "I hear you and here's a hug!"; and to help keep threads on topic when they start getting off topic. I am not sure if that is what you are looking for in a moderator but that is some of the recommendations I would make for whomever you choose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted November 12, 2008 Report Share Posted November 12, 2008 Ok.. I volunteer to be a moderator.... I think I try to be fair.... and I try to look at both sides....But I think there should be a vote on it.... And tell me about the program... Mark.. I am good at that ..... But No some of the abuse that has been going on... Is just plain rude... weather you are bipolar, Schizo . whatever....JT ( AKA GABBY) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaudio Posted November 13, 2008 Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 (edited) I agree with Allan that human communication is difficult because everyone has issues that they are not prepared to share. Without this context, it is rather easy for members and readers to misunderstand each other through posts. But, these emotional discussions have highlighted the fact that there are both members who post, and members who read. While I take my membership and participation for granted, I again appreciate how easy it is to forget that there are readers who are uncomfortable posting; yet, these readers also suffer from the personal attacks and strong emotions expressed on this forum. I thank confused12 for reminding us that this community is here to allow its members to support one another; and that this task requires that the forums remain respectful.I don't mind taking a "referee" role, but if there were instances where I should have acted, I confess that I did not notice them. Now that the subject is raised though, I recognize that there were a few instances where I could have intervened. I apologize for these errors in judgement. However, in particular, I was not aware of the discussion in the Sexuality Issues section until recently. So, as the number of moderators increase, perhaps some should select particular forums as their primary areas. This is not to say that moderators be restricted to particular sections - or that there be some sort of exclusivity - but that some take it upon themselves to frequent their sections. Edited November 13, 2008 by kaudio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted November 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 (edited) Lots of good points here. I will make JustTrying a moderator. This will give us five moderators, including CatMom, Kaudio, myself and Allan. We may need more, so anyone else who is wanting to try out that role, please raise your hand. I do not expect perfection. Just a good effort. It is inevitable, if we're here long enough, that we will all get on each other's nerves at points. It is also inevitable, given the nature of this site that some people will have their meltdowns (including some moderators). That's okay. We can get past that if/when it happens. The beautiful thing is that we have the opportunity to repair. With regard to Pseudonym, I don't think it is a good idea that you be a moderator. You have been in the center of disagreements lately. I would say the same thing to Paula, though she has not raised her hand in here, so that is a moot point. Moderators should be non-argumentative more or less. Otherwise, people will not trust them to be non-partisan. CatMom's hesitancy to step into an authority role here is quite understandable. I like Proverb's suggestion that what the moderators do is not to judge a post, but to move it to the place it ought to be. I will add a further suggestion. If there are posts where people aren't sure whether they are acceptable, please, moderators, move them into the forum I've just set up called "questionable posts" where they can sit (but not be responded to) until I have time to look at them. There are other ways to handle questionable posts (e.g., by hiding them where only moderators can see them), but this method has the virtue of keeping the process completely transparent to all. We do actually have rules for the site. They are in the FAQ sections, but as many have pointed out, it isn't clear that they exist. So we need to make it clear, and the suggested way to do that is to post sticky posts in all the key forums providing orientation. I will get to that, but the list of things I have to do (across all my roles) is not small ... I pointed out elsewhere that I am asking Pseudonym and Paula to formally ignore each other (using the control panel to set the other's name to not show up in their view) for a while so that we can have a cooling off period. They are the flash point that I can see. If I've missed someone or some conflict, please bring it to my attention. I like the idea of a voluntary cooling off period (backed up by the threat of an involuntary temporary ban if necessary). I will make these calls, but people need to realize that I am not always able to be in the community and won't always realize that there is a crisis. If fast action is needed, it is okay to email me directly at mark@centersite.net saying so. that is something I check religiously. Did I miss anything? Edited November 13, 2008 by Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlowFreak Posted November 13, 2008 Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 Gabby I think you would be great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted November 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 JustTrying - you are now a moderator. Pseudonym. I'm not upset with you; I don't want you to leave or be banished or anything like that. I just want you (and all) to be nicer to one another. It's hard to do when someone is attacking you, I know, but it is necessary that you work to do it. Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confused12 Posted November 13, 2008 Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 Great work Mark,This provides me with some confidence. At present I don't think I am reliable enough for moderator duties. The time difference also has some limitations and I just can't deal with some sections yet. I do hope it works out though.Pseudonym you have not or will not drive me away from here. If I was to stop visiting the site it would be a decision made by me, for me and about me. I would not blame someone for making me leave.Kaudio you have merit in your points thank you also for your support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightfalls Posted November 13, 2008 Report Share Posted November 13, 2008 Hi Mark,I will offer to volunteer if needed, I am here reading regularly I have not always post replys but I can keep an eye on some posts if needed as to alert is a post is in question. I am not a strong computer person and I am limited on what I know how to do so I would need some pointers but I am available. Please let me know if I can help in some way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmyfay2 Posted November 16, 2008 Report Share Posted November 16, 2008 Mark, I know I haven't posted much, but I would be interested in moderating. I have alot of time on the weekends while I'm at work to look stuff over. Also, I am off most of the week... long story, but my job kinda rocks! Anyway, if you need more information about me, just ask and I'll tell you all you wanna know about me and my qualifications.-Jimmyfay2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thank you Mark.. and I will try to be fair.. if I am unsure I will talk to you....JT ( Gabby)I have no problems with "discussions" that is ok.. but I do not like name calling..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 PS I got an email the other day... this post was... whatever it said and I thought .. dang it what did I say??? But it was about spam... thanks again... I will do my best....JT ( Gabs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proverbs31:28 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 I have no problems with "discussions" that is ok.. but I do not like name calling.....I think this is a great rule. If everyone would abide by it, things will be peachy! :cool: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 I agree. Name calling is "acting out" rather than expressing anger in a socially acceptable way. Everyone should refrain from name calling. I do not know if it is a rule or not but, if not, it should be. Let's talk to Mark.Allan:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted November 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 It's a rule already to not call each other names. I believe it is the first rule. The rules are in the FAQ section and I do need to make that clearer. Jimmy, Forgetting, I think we have moderators enough for the moment. I am inclined to go with those whom I'm most familiar with, so Forgetting can have the post next up if we get into a situation of need. Jimmy as we all get to know you better over time you will graduate to the same level of confidence. It's a matter of myself and everyone else being familiar enough with each moderator and being confident in them that they will not abuse their power to delete stuff in a moment of decompensation. Thanks to all who have made suggestions and who have volunteered to help make this place better/stronger/faster. It's imperfect here I know, but in that it just reflects the larger human condition Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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