Jenna520 Posted November 26, 2011 Report Share Posted November 26, 2011 I had an awful dream this morning. Woke up at 4 A.M. trying to tell myself it was a dream. In the dream I was at an awards ceremony for my nephew, and the auditorium was fairly dark, all except for the stage. My brother was there. I went up to him and was talking to him, so happy to see him, because even in my dream I knew he was dead. As I was talking to him I noticed he never acknowledged I was there, just had a distant stare and unblinking eyes, but he was talking to his ex wife. I shook him trying to get his attention, and I noticed his fingernails were blue and dirty. I reached out and touched his hand, it was so cold and strange feeling. I took off running through room after room with lots of windows and doors, not sure of what or whom I was looking for. Dad was in one of the rooms in a recliner crying and covered up with a blanket. I stopped and asked what was wrong and he said he was hurting and needed his medicine. I didn't speak of Charlie to him because I knew he was too emotionally fragile. I was looking frantically for his medicine, finally found it, got him calmed down, and ran through the mazes of rooms looking for someone to confirm they saw Charlie too, that it wasn't in my head. I couldn't find my mother, so I went back out to the auditorium, and I couldn't find him. I started screaming for him, all the while the ceremony had started and came to a halt when I started yelling for my brother. I woke up and I could still feel his cold hands and see his glassy eyes. I kept rubbing my hands together trying to get them to warm up. It was an awful feeling. Is this ever going to go away. The flashbacks, the dreams, the horror of reliving his death time and time and time again. It's driving me insane, breaking my heart, tearing me apart. 4 days until my appointment, to me, it can't come quick enough. If this is PTSD, it's almost unbearable. I can't find a means of escape even while I'm asleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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