quicksand

[eppursimuove]

Well some weeks ago i tough i would never start over a post of me again only support posts, i was feeling great but lately since a couple of days before Christmas ive been with a distant mind, christmas night was just so fuking bad i usually go out with friends but this time i was feeling depresed and decided to stay home in bed.

Then slowly been feeling better a litte down but better and today i whent to my srink, yesterday i was even thinking in not going at all since i was thinking why sould i go if all im going to do is say the same shit over and over, ive been happy or ive been sad, etc bla bla bla. and then sometimes she gives me some type of homework for me to do and thats it, i was negative yesterday.

Finaly i whent, but it was totaly different from what i tough it was going to be, she talked a lot then she made me questions that i was like unable to respond completely its like i was numb i dindt know how to explain my self. Shes trying to dig in my past and i try to colaborate but i dont seem to remember things she asks me, like if i where happy, sad, do i remember my father how it was, my mom illness, etc.

The latest homework was for me to read 1h a day since its been almost a month since i dont seem to focus at all in my reading or study, ive always readed even when i was younger i got tons of books and suddenly i read and i dont understand what i read or i get lost and tired, and my head just needs an aspirin.

So im trying to enter a local university here, ive already whent to another one and failed a carear since i barely whent to classes i just was there to party.

I got the exams to enter in february and she told me its better for me to wait another year, she thinks its great we where finaly able to find some carears i like but she thinks im not ready for this, so im thinking is this somekind of test where ppl say u cand doit and u doit shes like always saying that im so fuking inteling i dont even belive it, or its truly a wise advice I trust her so i will probably do what she says, i told her i was going to take the exams anyway even if im not going to classes later, i dont know.

Waiting another year, she just says dont pressure ur self u have time, but this is not it not yet.

Then she told me to send an sms or call her if feeled weird or something, and im just thinking what the fuck did i say or did i not say, i barely talked this time. She says i need to cry, i feel like crying but tears dont come out of these eyes, and to control impulses.

I dont even know what i feel its not anger, i think its frustation mixed with anguish.

tryed to make it short as i could, long post and worthless.

[Lana73]

tryed to make it short as i could, long post and worthless.

No, your post was not worthless and you described very well what you are going through.

I think we all go through stages in life where we feel balanced for a while and then feel very low without any significant reasons. Most people go through this, but those who suffer from depression and anxiety are affected more.

Take one day at the time and keep yourself as busy as you can.