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Getting Over the Hump


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Tomorrow will make exactly 8 months since my brother passed away. Oh, how I miss him. As I sit here and think about where I am now in my grief process and the ups and downs I've experienced, I think I can finally say I'm on the road to healing. I can remember good memories now without sadness creeping in to ruin the moment. Some days I can actually laugh about some of the moments we shared. Heaven knows he was an absolute hoot and a jokester but if you got me and him together, especailly fishing, it would have made a good t.v. show for the sportsman's channel.... or the comedy channel. :)

There are days that the flashbacks take over and nights when the nightmares set in, but oddly enough, I've learned to adapt to that, and find ways to cope. They have become less frequent, and I'm thankful for that.

I'm still nervous about experiencing a couple more "first's" without him such as his birthday, which is February 14th, Easter, and my son's birthday. My son's birthday will be the hardest especially since Charlie passed the day of my son's party.

I do have regrets, but I know that my brother loved me just as I loved him. I know now he didn't want to share with me his secret of addiction because of the pain and worry it would have caused me. He knew I would go to the limits to get him help, and to get him clean.

I miss him, but I carry him with me in my heart every day. He's with me in everything I do. I do believe I will be reunited with him someday, and until then, I've things to do here on Earth. :)

I think just maybe, I'm getting over the hump and it will be easier from this point forward. Ofcourse I'll have my days, but I know he's with me where ever I go. I never thought I'd reach this point. Now that I have, I'm relieved, and thankful.

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