confusedboy16 Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 I've hit a mega bad patch. I'm beginning to think I'm a psychopath again! I can't get it out of my head. I watched the film 'We Need To Talk About Kevin' earlier and that started it off! I think I am because I've done so many things that I think are bad - like steal. I'm addicted to buying CDs, and I have no income of my own so I buy them on my parents cards. They don't mind to an extent but it's getting too much. I seem to have litre remorse at the moment. I'm worried this will develop into something a lot worse.I used to think of myself as a socialist, but at the moment I feel incredibly selfish. My whole life evolves around music, I'm music mad! Mainly soul music. And I have to little enjoyment around music anymore. I hate it when other people know and listen to the music I do, it's like I get jealous! But I used to hate jealousy. I keep hating on mainstream music. Even mainstream music that's good, and that I loved before - like Sade. I look at the statistics of sales like 2 million per album and I feel really small. And my mind tells me because she's sold so many albums it's bad - because everyone knows her, etc. I'm fucking sick of thinking like this. I want to be able to enjoy music for what it is! Regardless of it's commerciality. Don't get me wrong, I'll never be able to appreciate people like Gaga, etc. but I want to be able to appreciate people like Adele, John Legend, etc...People think I'm mad but up unil now my whole life has literally evolved around music, I want to work in music swell.The whole think about not liking it when an artist I love goes mainstream is getting to me! It's stopping me like new artists, I worry about them becoming popular. It's making me bitter! I HATE IT!I feel so dead at the moment. My emotions are weak. I feel nothing but lethargy.I've given up with college, hardly ever see my friends. I feel like someones in my mind controlling me, and preventing me from feeling, MUSIC made me cry before, now I just think about all this shit!I don't even know if this is just me or down to my OCD. PLEASE TRY AND HELP!I'm sorry this is so long and confusing!Also, I feel quite angry at the state of the world, etc. but I question whether I really care about other people. I used to, I used to want to work in activism, for anti war, or something! I FEEL DEAD!Nathan,ConfusedBoy16. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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