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9 months in update


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Since it's March 1st I decided to do a short little update on my progress. Again, maybe it'll inspire others that anything is possible. Certainly I didn't expect my life to change so much so quickly with just determination.

I've been more psychologically stable than ever before in my life. That's not to say I'm completely stable. It's hard to really tell honestly. I'd say I have a few hours every 2 weeks or so where I really break down at least for a couple hours (usually to the point of crying over something that has gone wrong), but it's limited to hours now. Virtually every other moment I feel pretty great or at least good. Focusing on the positives and being rational can usually pull me out of such despair.

I'm down just over 120 lbs since I started. I've been focusing a bit more on building muscle as I approach being 'fit'. I don't think of myself as 'fat' anymore, even though I still definitely have more fat to lose. I wouldn't stand out in a crowd as a 'fat guy' at all anymore, for the first time in my life really. I don't necessarily want to be a body builder but I'd like to stand out as 'strong looking' or 'buff' or whatever.

Tomorrow I'm going out on the first 2nd date in my life, with an Asian girl (which I posted about being nearly exclusively interested in a while back). So far she seems very interested in me, more than any girl so far. She's also the most attractive girl I've dated. She's so small and cute, utterly adorable. Our conversations have been all fun, so far so good.

I realize now how much I enjoy planning out dates. I worry about it as I'm doing it but I spend enough time until I find the perfect place. Between that and giving perfect gifts I'm feeling like a master planner.

Socially I'm really starting to 'get it'. So many things I struggled with for months are now coming naturally. I understand things that even average people don't seem to always 'get'. I feel almost completely in control.

I guess it's also worth it to get into my mind view but I do spend some time thinking (in a positive way) of losing my virginity. There's a chance of it happening tomorrow, I suppose. It's not the only thing on my mind by far, and it has far less control over me than ever before. There was a time a few months back when I would feel like 'maybe never' or 'certainly not to an Asian girl / attractive girl', and maybe it'll still take a while but I think it's somewhat up to chance now, not any failing of my own.

Furthermore, socially I already have special plans set up with friends on four separate occasions in the coming 2 months, not even including regular events. I'm at the point where I have to pick and choose what activities I participate in. I could barely ask for more when it comes to friends right now.

I guess that's a fairly accurate representation of the overall activity in my life recently. It's very socially skewed at the moment to be honest, maybe even for the first time since I started my change 'fitness' has slipped to '2nd most important thing'. Naturally the main focus of my attention will shift and chance from time to time.

All the struggles and turmoil has been worth it, refining me. All the hours, days, weeks, and months of obsessive attention to improving my life has been paying off. I am just a few short steps away from feeling completely caught up with 'average' people, or maybe even above average people, and I did it climbing up from fairly near as low as a person could come from.

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Might as well give a short update since it's just been one day.

On the date we cuddled, some fondling, and lots of making out. I went in for the kiss and we continued to kiss (I'm writing lamely I know, but trying to give you all an idea). She gave me lots of tongue. My first kiss right here, first 30 or so.

My mind is reeling a bit, I feel like I have to let it all sink in but we're talking about doing stuff tomorrow.

Really, there's so little to say because bits and pieces could be copy pasted from a movie. It was all perfectly natural feeling.

I suspect things will continue to move forward quickly. I feel like I'm fully on the 'other side' of my crisis that I first started to work towards overcoming 9 months ago.

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