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why do i cheat/fall in love too easy?

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i have a wonderful girlfriend who is amazing to me but for some reason, im a cheat.

I find myself falling for other women frequently feeling urges to flirt or seduce women. I feel like i fall for any girl that gives me the time of day to listen to me and try to understand me or takes time out of their day to talk to me. I often think dirty impure thoughts about other women rather then my beautiful girlfriend and it catches up on me, the gf finds out and my life starts to crumble again.

sometimes i feel like my purpose in life is to feel all these impurities and desires as a punishment of something, like i am here to serve time.

why do i fall in love so easy and why cant i be faithful to my gorgeous girlfriend.

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i dont sleep with other women, just find the urge to. i find i want to masterbate to other women too and i feel i should only think about my girlfriend when i do so but this is often not the case.

i think criminal thoughts and i also act on them by flirting with other girls which makes me feel like such a criminal. i dont want to lie to my gf by telling her that im not thinking about other women at all and that has made her very upset that i have feelings for other women.

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Hi Penfold,

Glad you’re still here.

I had some problems when my kids were little controlling my temper. I knew it was wrong, my mother had done the same to me but nevertheless I was surprised when it came out the first couple of times.

I did learn to control the outbursts but then sometimes I would just cut all feeling off, in order to prevent me from expressing my anger. That wasn’t good for the kids either. I consulted therapists and said that I thought I was a bad mother, but since I wasn’t bad all the time, the therapists thought I was just putting myself down. I now understand that putting myself down was a technique I had to help keep the anger and other feelings cut off.

I also now understand that I had a bigger problem than just controlling my anger. The technique of cutting off feeling is dissociation. I was in a group therapy once with a man who did what he said was “compartmentalize” and had had sex with prostitutes even though he loved his wife very much.

Maybe you would like to look those conditions up on the internet?

I don’t know if you have either of those types of issues but it seems like it could be worth consulting a counselor who is open to the possibility. It’s not so much that it excuses your past behavior or feelings as that it might explain it. Nevertheless, maybe the counselor won’t even think it’s that serious. If you are honest about how conflicted, remorseful, and powerless over your feelings that you feel, then maybe a good professional can explain it and also hopefully help.

I’m pretty sure that you are not a bad person. If you were, then you wouldn’t feel remorse.

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i certainly hope so because my relationship is on the line. its tough to tell someone that u love that youre actively trying to not lust for another... its also a bit hard to tell her you will need practise.

i dont understand why i feel the initial need to lust for a member of the opposite sex considering that i feel my girlfriend gives me more then enough attention.

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At some point, if you really care about your gf, you will have to be honest with her. This is a difficult thing to think about I'm sure but it is really impractical to think that anyone only has eyes for any ONE person. Your heart can belong to her and your soul but everything else belongs to human nature. As an artist I can tell you that I find many shapes attractive. That does not exclude other human bodies and faces. I must also admit to impure thoughts toward some of those shapes. It ain't nothin but a thang. I control myself because they are only flights of fancy. Like a dog chasing its tail I don't need another relationship and wouldn't know what to do if I caught it. If you truly have control of your actions than there is nothing wrong with being friendly with anyone, opposite sex or not. But you cannot lie to yourself and you shouldn't mislead your gf.

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Could be a lot of things. Does getting close to someone feel frightening? Also, when we first fall in love there is a chemical response that causes feelings of euphoria. This often fades in time. Could you be seeking out those good feelings? What need does lusting for others meet?

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