Seeking advice..

[EnochSunrise]

So.. I am seeking advice and any ideas on what to do with myself. I have been having increasingly intrusive thoughts of suicide and self harm. I will not go into any details here, except that they are increasingly intrusive and have started coming to me even when I am not upset. I do not know what to do with them other then pretend they don't happen and continue what I was doing.

I had a break(most likely psychotic) this last November and I got very close to attempting then. I worry with their increase and with the rise in my anxiety and loss of feeling in control that I am close to another possible psychotic break. I have no intentions of acting on any of these thoughts now but worry that I may lose control during a break down and do something I regret.

Do I ask my therapist to have a serious discussion about this? And really how serious are these thoughts since I have no intention of acting on them? What are my options to consider?

[Lana73]

Do I ask my therapist to have a serious discussion about this?

Absolutely.

And really how serious are these thoughts since I have no intention of acting on them? What are my options to consider?

I am glad to hear that you have no intention of acting on them, however, you need to discuss this with your therapist to better understand what triggers them and how to manage those thoughts. Talking to someone always helps.

Be safe.

[EnochSunrise]

I have mentioned it to her before. Is it that I play it off as not serious because I am afraid of getting into trouble that causes her to move on from the subject easily?

I am trying to be as safe as possible, the fact that my partner has a rule on me not harming myself is the only deterrent I really have. The compulsion and intrusive thoughts are getting stronger. I don't see my therapist for two more days. Now I may just be getting myself worked up do to anxiety but my current coping skills are just not working well enough.

[Willpower]

If you're afraid that you may do something, even if it isn't a conscious desire to hurt yourself, you should tell your therapist that. You're not going to get in trouble. Are you afraid of the hassles that admitting to your feelings might bring? I think it's worth it to yourself to get the help you need even if it's a nuisance or a little scary at first.

Personally, I know of a semi-famous internet person, one of the guys from Penny Arcade (a potentially offensive web comic based around video games), but he suffers that exact thing seemingly (he went vocal about it a few years back) and went on meds that helped him.

Personally though I never experienced that exactly. When I thought about suicide or other such things I knew the reasons why.