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Simplifying the Complex

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Hi All, I am. 43. Female. Recovering addict. Unipolar depression.

In therapy for years and years.

Got clean 5 yrs ago.

Struggled with head till last Sept. finally broke down and saw a p/doc and got on a med. Fluoxetine. It worked for me last time I was clean, about 12 yrs back.

It "worked" till about December. By Feb. I had withdrawn from nursing school, unable to "think" right. Now I am not functioning so much--bare minimum.

Asked Doc would he ever put me on Parnate? He thought it was a good idea. (Been on numerous SSRI's w/o success).

He said my system must be cleared of Fluoxetine for a month to start the Parnate. My next appt will be 4/12.

Got to hang in till then. Meantime, I got on this forum, ordered the CBT book. I am scared to start Parnate. I need stimulation but--at what cost. Don't want to crash. Again.

So I am hoping that if I apply this CBT to my issues, maybe I will see a dif. by the time the appt comes. Maybe I can deal with this w/o meds.

I wonder if Parnate would be like lowgrade speed. My Nana was on it from the '60's till her death in Sept. It was what I guess worked for her.

I would like to learn more about people's success w/CBT for amotivation(can't even seem to do my dishes) and binge eating.

And, about experiences with Parnate...


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Well, I have never tried to systematically, on paper (as per this Ovitz book) tried to deal with my own mind thought by thought.

I have read the book through, I just got it on Thurs, and I have not started yet. I have really high hopes for this.

My daughter just had a baby about an hour ago, I have my granddaughter and I kept my son home from school to help me with her. She's almost 2. I am going nuts, dont' know how I am gonna get thru this day! I want to isolate myself so bad.

At 12 we're going to drive over to the hospital to meet the new baby.

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Pleased to meet you (some more), BlAbDo. :-)

Congrats on the new addition to your family, too.

I took the liberty of looking up the medication you mentioned in the NIH database. Technically, it's a kind of MAO inhibitor, which means it interferes with the excretion of certain substances from the body, so that the target substance stays at higher concentration in the body. So its basic function is similar (but different) to the SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) you've taken in the past. In particular, it shouldn't function "like lowgrade speed", though it might help with mood. And it should be clear that it would multiply the effect of any SSRI you were taking.

I majored in biochemistry, which makes me not at all a doctor. No personal experience with Parnate, but a fair number of SSRIs have been tried on me. At the moment, I'm doing okay without any, but I still get depressed at times. Maybe the important thing is to address any "crashes" by talking to a pdoc a little earlier?

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Ain't THAT the truth...!

And yet I keep thinking, thinking, thinking, I should be able to control my mood! (Mood seems like too tame of a word for it.)

I am scared to say anything b/c I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing.

There is noone who I talk to about this. Depression is just not something you TALK about. Its something you try to cover up, camouflage. I mean I tallk to my therapist, every week, but I am sick of talking. Sick of hearing myself talk. Plus I only seem to know that I am going down the river in hindsight. I get antisocial and I feel like the way I see things is the truth and everyone around me is full of s**t. I don't talk about depression in therapy b/c I'm too busy talking about my ambivalence about getting a college education, chasing a dollar, and being unable to socialize into a professional role, and starting to not care after this big long investment I've made into this. Left 3 semesters short of graduation. Everyone is disappointed, mom, kids, boyfriend...Everything starts to look like b*****t and then I realize my mind is moving slow, then my mind is watching itself, then my mind is out of touch with humanity around me and I am far away and cant get back. I'm so not into expressing the negative. I gust keep waiting for it to pass, and it doesn't. And I cant fake it anymore. Thats why I left school, before I get a Not-Perfect grade! I look a mess, house a disaster, hunting socks out of the dirty laundry...oh, enough.

I have to be out of myself at all times...in a book, eating, or online. I can tolerate short conversations with a couple of individuals. I had nothing to say to anybody even about the new grandson, faked it as good as I could for my daughter and SIL. Fake it meaning, acting like who and what I am supposed to be, what everyone needs me to be. I am no longer even trying to fake it for those who live with me. So much is needed from me by others. I have so little to give right now, almost nothing. And I hate myself for being like this. It is embarrassing and humiliating. The disorderedness in my mind and in my environment is unbearable! Not even my old friends pride and vanity can save me right now from the slob I am becoming!

I know this is the wrong place for this...

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This is the exact right place for this. This community is just for those types of things. Scream if you like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

It is perfectly acceptable. We are here to help you through when you are not in therapy and remind you about the things you say that are important to you when you are not suffering an attack.

Just try to be mindful of the troubles of others here and their triggers. Non-judgmental respect. :)

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And actually had an ok day yesterday. Started working out CBT stuff on paper...walked a mile around the partk, realized that walking is still ok even though its not running. Identified personal examples of like 10 different kinds of faulty thinking and wrote them down. Even tidied up my house--wow!

Trying to gently phase out caffiene, drink a lot more water.

Trying to not have to go on another med. I'm scared to. I want to know that I really, really, really have worked as hard as I can without a med before I try another one.

I have nothing against medication but it was so disappointing to have been on top of the world for a couple months then suddenly so incapacitated I couldn't function, even as a homemaker, when it stopped working for me.

Thanks Frazzled1 for the encouragement. Woooo hoooo!

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