thumb Posted March 26, 2012 Report Share Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) Why is it important for me to know if I was molested by family and relatives? So I can understand more about my family dynamic and decide whether it really is the best for me to leave. I have been away from my family members for months, and the longer I stay away from them, the more disgusted I become with them. Whenever I see them, I get "triggered" and feel messed up for days. I do not want to see them anymore. I am in a situation where I may have to see them again due to my braces (I have my orthodontist here), but I really, really do not want to. I get insomnia and cry at night because I feel so frustrated, confused, terrified.Anyway, I have always liked violent sex. I think it says a lot about my foggy past and I would like to analyze it.Since I was really young, I was very sexual. I don't mean this in a "boys will be boys" way, I mean in the "how did a child know such thing at such age or acquire such taste" way.It is not normal for five year old to be fantasizing about violent sex. I began masturbating during kindergarten and I knew what BDSM was. How did a 5 year old know that?After puberty, pretty much any strong emotion aroused me. Anger aroused me, and feeling hurt, ignored, or betrayed aroused me a bit too. When someone was violent with me and hit me, or made fun of me and made me cry, I was really aroused. Somehow I was never aroused when my own family members abused me.My whole life, and even now whenever I am around relatives, I have tried to make myself as ugly. I purposely look for ugly clothes and have messy hair around family. It's because I don't feel comfortable being remotely attractive, I feel uncomfortable.I pondered about these things long ago, and I came to a conclusion that it was possible for me to have been sexually abused in the past. I have always felt sexually uncomfortable around family members. They tell me lewd things anyway.If not physical abuse, at least definite emotional incest.http://joy2meu.com/emotional_incest.htmThis is exactly what happen to me: http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=7936 Edited April 2, 2012 by thumb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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