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I can't tell what's wrong with me


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To be honest I'm not even really sure how to explain my actions

So I guess to start some of my friends say I have this "charm" about me, where I'm able to wrap any male around my finger.

Either way I'm so easily able to hurt people and I don't know why it doesn't bother me at all, literally I'll pick a new male and make him feel like he's in love with me and it works every time, and talk to them until I get bored and then I drop them, and I'm done for a while and the second I've noticed they're not obsessing over me I can quickly get them back again. And it's so horrible because I treat them like shit because I know I can always get them back, and tis whole time I've been saying males but to be honest I don't really care about anyone's feelings besides my families and my bestfriend. It's like I use peoples interest against them to get them hooked on me, I'm sure this is Some sort of attention problem but I don't understand why it doesn't bother me that I can really hurt people ALL the time. I'll be talking to 3 or 4 guys at a time and they all think my feelings for them are mutual. I just don't know what's wrong with me. In my head I was able to explain this so much better, but if anyone can tell me anything, please do.

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CI, I'm not sure anyone can "tell what's wrong with" you, but let me see if I can recap what you said:

- You have a talent, let's say, for getting men interested in you.

- You enjoy, in some way, getting multiple men interested at the same time.

- You did not explicitly mention, but it's also clear that keeping the interest of multiple men probably involves being at least a little deceitful with them (lying to them, on some level).

- You are aware that you hurt their feelings.

- Yet, you also describe that it doesn't bother you.

- But, you took the trouble to join to discuss this issue.

To me, this indicates that you do have mixed feelings about your behavior. Your harshest words are used to describe the effects on the men; in fact, it almost sounds like you want to use words like "horrible" as value judgments against yourself.

So, I guess you'd need to decide, at some point, which of your two viewpoints you want to act on. If you decide to change what you're doing, you might consider some sort of counseling, short-term or otherwise. It's clear that a complex behavior like this doesn't develop in a vacuum, or get fixed simply. On the other hand, if you decide that the whole thing is the guys' problem, you don't have to do a thing. You decide what works for you.

I might wonder how the behavior did develop ... Did you observe similar behavior when you were little? Did you practice similar behavior back then?

But most of those questions are really for a therapy environment. You're welcome to talk about it, or not.

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What makes you think or feel that something is wrong with you? Because it doesn’t bother you that you can easily hurt people? I’m not disagreeing with that necessarily, I’m just wondering how that feels to you.

Anyway, I am glad to see you here in the Personality Issues section. My feeling is that any of us with personality issues can understand and maybe help each other. Even if we handle our personality issues in different or even opposite ways. Perhaps we can learn from that, too.

Anything else you want to say, I’d be glad to listen. Of course if Malign doesn’t want us to do that here, he is the one to decide that. Most of my personality issue stuff I’ve already written about on this site. It’s different from yours, but I do understand the feeling that something has been wrong with me. And I think there really has – not just socially because other people were inclined to think that. Something was wrong with the way things functioned inside me. It’s better now. I can say more about that if you want.

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No, this is definitely the place to talk about it, if that's what you want to do. Our only restrictions involve not demeaning other members and putting a trigger warning on stuff you think might trigger someone.

I was just leaving it up to CI whether she wanted to expand on her description or not. For most of what one might call "socialization" issues, talking about it is pretty much the only solution, in my opinion. It's just that the person has to choose to do it.

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Very good point, ep. We don’t have those males’ points of view. Maybe they are not actually hurting so much. Maybe it’s a game to them, too. Or at least some of them.

But assuming that CI’s actions have the potential, at least, to be hurtful, there are two different ways that we can look at what is “wrong” with a person: (1) what is wrong with them in the way they fit in with other people and society’s values, including the value of NEVER hurting another person and (2) what is wrong with them inside their own psyche, their own internal processing. In addition, as new impulses and abilities come "on-line", so to speak, teen-agers typically act things out in the process of learning about themselves and others.

CI, are you still here? If so, can you tell us how old you are?

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Have you gotten what you wanted here then? I’m not able to offer much of an answer to the question of how you picked up the behavior without realizing it. If you’re still in school perhaps you could ask a counselor there without a fee or only a small one.

It seems to me that you’re at a time of life when it is good that you are thinking about such things and trying to decide the kind of person you are going to be as an adult.

I hope that helps.

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