Sick of the stigma!!

[Stigmabegone]

If you are anything like me you are very aware of the stigma attached to mental illness. The stigma that anyone who has a mental illness must be deranged, crazy, loonie. The stigma that keeps many of us from telling anyone about our illness. The stigma that makes us want to hide our illness from everyone for fear of what would be thought of us or said about us.

I am sick and fed up with this stigma and I want it to stop. It is so unfair to anyone who must live with a mental illness and it causes some people to live in silence, fear or self-hatred. UGH!

I currently have my own blog (which I had before joining this site) where I have talked about my feelings on this subject. Feel free to check it out at:

stigmabegone.blogspot.ca

What does everyone else think and feel about the stigma attached to mental illness??

[nathan]

So educate people so that they dont make some kind of assumption someone with bipolar is necessarily a completely psychotic serial killer, thats great, rid them of any distortions that may be driving some of the stigma. But the basis of the stigma is largely one of self preservation. No one wants to be around someone with depression because it will likely negatively affect them. Its not fair that people with depression get shunned, but its also not fair to ask healthy people to give themselves up, and potentially their health, by welcoming negative depressed people in their lives, unless its church,, but otherwise i think you can only expect darwin, its not fair, jus got to fiight through it with grit. And so what if there stigma, do you think you'd be happier if there wasnt any? Are there not much more threatening things that got to you, which made you depressed in the first place, before you were even confronted with this stigma issue? I'm sick of the whole world, but if I blasted myself off of it, I'd still be pissed off. . But I think its a good idea to educate people about where these illnesses begin and end so that they dont make rediculus assumptions about it. Who knows maybe that is enough for people to be more accepting of mentally ill people, maybe make them more likely to risk there own health for them, but it would have to be on their own accord, you cant expect that of someone else, i thinks not.

Edited March 29, 2012 by nathan

[devils daughter]

When we are physically ill there are things that we cannot do and sometimes we are not so pleasant to be around – for instance, if we have a bad cold and are coughing and sniffling and blowing our nose. People may not like that but they seem to understand it.

Well, wait a minute. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. If a stranger is coughing and hacking and spreading their germs to me on the bus, I tend NOT to understand it. If the person was my friend and I knew that she had to go to work, no matter what, to feed her kids, then I would probably understand.

These days, people tend NOT to understand mental illness. “Go to therapy,” they say. “Keep your mental ills out of the . . . workplace, family, social situation.” It’s worse now than when I was hospitalized for anorexia nervosa almost 50 years ago.

Do they think it is “catching” now? Well, YES, as a matter of fact. Look at all the talk about staying away from negative or toxic people. Even when we do our best and are in therapy people are more likely to “take care of themselves” than to try to understand. The sense of community and helping our neighbors and family is gone.

I wonder if one solution might be for us to try to be unashamed of our illnesses. Yes, when I'm depressed it is really, really hard not to feel ashamed of it, too. That's part of the illness, almost. But I’m retired now so I can afford to be honest. I have my support group, so if other people reject me I’m not entirely alone. This online support community is great, too. If I’m not ashamed about my illness, then if somebody else thinks I’m less than them because of it, then that’s their problem. I guess. Except when it’s my adult daughter it’s really, really painful.

[nathan]

Is it not toxic??? I believe it is. When I am around negative people, it affects me. It affects all of us, its not just nothing, or just meaningless talk when people say stay away from negative 'toxic' people. I dont particularly like that attitude, I dont like people saying that, I dont particlarly like all this hype for a 'positive attitude', because its pretty exclusive and largely shallow, but its not just talk. You can catch a negativity cold, be lead astray by the depressed.

[nathan]

double......................................................................

Edited March 30, 2012 by nathan

[devils daughter]

The question to me is, do you throw away the people out of your life because they are mentally ill and not so pleasant? In my case, trying to deal with and recover from a personality disorder as well as depression, some of my actions are so great sometimes. But do you throw me out because of it? I’m in therapy, what else can we say?

And in workplace situations, if the person can do the work, then what does it matter that they have a diagnosis of depression and have to be on medical leave sometimes? Is that different from having cancer, say?

Throwing people away, because they are ill and the “cures” are not easy, may lead to happier individuals in the short run, for those who are not being thrown away. But I believe that kind of attitude leads to a “toxic” society in the long run.

[devils daughter]

Probably a lot of the reason I developed the personality disorder was because of my needing to belong and fit in with my family of origin. I bent myself out of shape to do that. It wasn’t pleasant but I needed it as a child and I was so bent out of shape that I could not unfold and be myself very well after I became an adult.

So, for me, “leaving” them behind is an important step. I doubt that I will have much to do with them after my mother passes away. She is in the last stages of Alzheimer’s disease. I helped her as much as I could through this period. Maybe she had loved me, maybe she had not, but I was going to do my best when she needed it. That’s an old fashioned attitude, of course. Nowadays it’s “Dump her. She didn’t do well by you so there’s no reason for you to take care of her now.”

I’m hoping that after this period of extreme individualism we will find ways to build communities and families in which both individuality and community are respected. Struggle, struggle in the meantime.

[BlueAbaloneDog]

Not only the stigma, but the belief that it is not--real, that it (mental illness) doesn't really exist if you are not obviously "crazy, loony," etc.

Talk about the stigma, I had an addiction that made me do harmful antisocial tragic things. I have a depression that makes paralyzes me, I lay in bed not able to talk to anyone, or shower or do anything. I feel more ashamed of the depression!

Crazy.

Have another cent's worth to add later when I have time...

[Stigmabegone]

Yes, I do feel ashamed of my depression. I feel shame because of what others will think and say, but I also feel shame because I am full of self hatred. I am working through that and one task I set for myself in order to work through it is to educate others.

You know, my dad passed away from Cancer 2 years ago and it was horrific. My mother, my sister, and I stayed with him in the hospital 24 hours a day for a month (in 8 hour shifts). We watched a very strong life-loving man shrivel into nothing. We watched life ebbing out of him minute by minute for a month. We did it because he wanted and needed us there. That month was very toxic for me and I am still suffering because of it and am in therapy to work through it. If I could go back would I do anything differently? Would I stay away while my dad died? No. I would not change anything I did. I helped to bring my father comfort and peace in his final days. He needed me and I was there for him just like he was there for me all my life. So what if the situation was toxic? Sometimes you have to be strong and endure the toxicity in order to help someone you love and care about.

I have never and will never make a person feel like they have to endure my Depression. My friends and family choose to stand by me because they love me. What I would like is to educate people so that they do not fear, ridicule, rebuke, belittle or distance themselves from others who have mental illness. Depression is a disease just as Cancer is a disease, just as Diabetes is a disease, just as MS is a disease. So why should those who have depression be made to feel like lesser people for having a disease when others with "acceptable" diseases are not made to feel that way?

I do not expect to change the world but I can at least be proud of myself for standing up and fighting for something I believe in.

[BlueAbaloneDog]

That's a great attitude to have.

For me part of the shame comes from the question of "can't or won't?" I am never completely sure whether I "can" push through my depression but am just not trying hard enough? Maybe I don't function b/c I just don't "feel" like it. I don't know if this is something others have put into my head. In my family depression is not really viewed as an illness. My boyfriend is one of these who doesn't believe in medication OR therapy for that matter. So I think I should be able to pull myself out of it somehow, and when I can't (won't?), I really get down on myself.

[BlueAbaloneDog]

I tend to be adverse to the company of my friends who suffer from depression when I am depressed. It's almost like my depression causes me to be repelled by their depression. In AA they have a saying, it pertains to another issue but I think it kind of applies, that "two dead batteries won't start a car."

People's aversion to being around people w/depression, I think, has a lot to do with trying to distance themselves from their own inner despair. I think a lot of people easily could be swallowed up by it, people you'd never suspect.

[Stigmabegone]

Wow. The question about "can't" vs "won't" is one I struggle with every day. I have always wondered if others felt that way too. It kind of feels validating to know someone else feels that way.

[nathan]

There are no rules, stay with your dying parent or not, doesnt matter. Make it your own choice, but leave it to some other, or the hell of a world to decide, your already dying, agent of your destruction. Its not my duty unless I choose it to be. Oblige oblige to the rule, well its depressing, no one would want to be around me. Helping hands are great but sorta so so when they are slippery,so, have grip when you help someone. Not saying you dont or didnt, but when Im depressed I have no grip. which a lot of the time.

Depressions is stigmatic, because no one wants it, its not that they dont want to deal with it, if they are smart, its their constant dealing with tthat makes them want stay away from it. Whenever possible, take the high road, leap over the abyss, sometimes its just too wide, well i guess its time to just go for the dive. We are amphibians like leap frogs, not hawks or doves, its all peaks and valleys. dont expect to always be flying.

But, sometimes it takes practice to make those leaps, so be carefull who you learn from? If your around people who are constantly, perpetually, and chronicly depressed their whole lives, they are sorta bent over too far to see over the shitty dark shit they are now going to fall into, they have their eyes closed, fall blindly, becuase their depression is a feeling of hopelessness, choicelessness, powerlessness, forget trying, to busy critisizing, mostly oneself.Im all for the education, so long as it doesnt do something like condone depression.

Edited April 2, 2012 by nathan

[Stigmabegone]

We are all unique and we see things and feel things differently. I have no problem with someone seeing things differently or feeling differently than I do. To each his own.

I was raised with the mind set 'do onto others as you would have done onto you." I try to do my best by others and make people happy. That is my chose and I don't expect anyone else to live by this mind set. I am human, however, and I would be lying if I said I didn't [i]wish others would be more thoughtful, compassionate, kind at times.

I have lived with Depression all my life, all 40 years of my life. As a child I grew up in it because I had a parent that suffered from it. I was an emotionally and physically abused child as a result. Then I developed my own Depression and have been to hell and back with it. I would never glorify or condone Depression - I have experienced first hand the devastation of the disease.

You say Depression is stigmatic because no body wants it. Then why isn't Cancer stigmatic? I don't know anyone who would ever want that. Cancer is not stigmatic because it is viewed as a disease that strikes out of nowhere and eats your body up. People can see the physical repercussions of Cancer. Depression is stigmatic because it is a disease that attacks the mind, thereby making the sufferers appear weak or crazy. No one sees, or wants to see, the repercussions of Depression.

I am fortunate enough to have very strong, intelligent, caring people in my life. They are always there to support me and give me strength when I need it but I learn how to cope and deal with depression from mental health professionals.

I am doing ok right now, my mind is focused and clear and I am rational. When I am not doing ok I am the total opposite. I turn into a monster (sometimes violent). I would not be participating in this discussion if I were depressed. I do not put myself out there and expect others to deal with the monster me when I am depressed.

Nathan, I am not criticizing you or trying to say your opinion is wrong because everyone is entitled to their own opionion. That is all I am doing here, I am just stating my opinion on the subject. I tend to see things as they should be as opposed to how they are sometimes. I want to see Depression being understood by society so that Depression sufferers may experience a little bit of a reprieve in their everyday struggle. To me education is the way to do that. I can only live life as myself and I have to feel things and deal with things in the best way for me. Right now, one way I am trying to deal with my depression is by being open about it. I don't want to hide like some kind of disgrace anymore. I want to get out there and live life to the fullest, I want to enjoy being me and enjoy giving all I have to give. That is my ultimate goal right now.

[nathan]

Are you more introverted, or are you an extra?

[Stigmabegone]

Me, I am more introverted. I tend to keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself. I very rarely, if ever open up to people. I also tend to be shy and quiet when around people I don't know.