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Blog comment permission problem

devils daughter

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There is one of our members who posted a provocative question on her blog and then later claimed that not one person endeavored to offer an answer.

I wrote an answer shortly after I read her question and attempted to post it but apparently I do not have permission to post to her blog.

I sent her a private message and she checked her settings and they all seemed OK. But since I HAD endeavored an answer I would like to post here.

The question: “what if the sexual behaviour was initiated by a child? a knowing, intentional sexual advance, started by the child, and the adult just sort of 'let'; it happen”

My answer:


Uh, how could a child who has never had any sexual experience knowingly, intentionally make an advance? Maybe they were advancing toward SOMETHING but how could they actually know what it was?

And if the adult had had some sexual experience and really did know what it was all about, then how could they just “let” it happen?

When I was 13 an uncle of mine apparently misinterpreted, or maybe just physically responded to, what I thought was a warm welcome and good hospitality. I went off to my room and he called me back. I thought he wanted a drink of water or something. No . . . he hugged me and gave me a very passionate kiss and I felt a lump below his waist which I had never felt when anyone hugged me before. I ran back to my room and he did not follow me. But as I was sitting there I had the horrifying thought and feelings that that I might want to follow up on what he had started. I didn’t, perhaps needless to say. I had already learned to be “adult” and “responsible”, and following up on that impulse certainly would not have been right. I knew that much.

But the feeling of somehow being responsible didn’t quite go away until I was in an intensive outpatient program at a psychiatric hospital. A man who had been molested by his aunt at age 5 said, “It doesn’t matter if you said to the uncle ‘Let’s go into the bedroom and do it.’ He’s the adult and you were a child and it’s his responsibility.

It helped a lot that it was a guy who said that. Being molested at age 5 by an adult woman didn’t make his life so great, either.


Later, the blogger had some other comments about a child who may have “known stuff” while not actually having experienced it. Yes, there could be such children and I would think that they would have more horrendous problems to cope with than I have had, as difficult as mine have been.

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I’m not so great at interpersonal nuance, and it’s kind of hard to tell over the internet for sure, but are you implying that I was lying?

I can post now but I couldn’t last night. With all the technological things that can get quirky, why assume anything other than that? I hope that you can see that you are the one accusing people of stuff, not necessarily the other way around. Although I suspect you got accused of a lot stuff without good justification when you were growing up, hence you see that all around you now, even sometimes when it isn’t there?

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Hi Jai and DD. I'm not a mod anymore, so I'm only speaking here as a member of the community. One thing I value about the forum is the way we all support one another. There will be disagreements from time to time, but there is a spirit of caring here that I hope can remain. We have one another here and that can be a positive thing.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Jai, are you okay? DD? Would talking more about this help or would it be best to let things go? Maybe it's best to let things go? I hope everyone is okay.

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IJ, I know you don’t like conflict but sometimes people do see things from different perspectives and I thought it was important to the community that Jai’s statement be challenged.

Am I mistaken about that? Please let me know if you think I was because that is something important for me to learn. And did I disagree and challenge in a way that was out of line?

One of the differences between you and me that we have discussed before is that my Myers-Briggs type is INTJ and yours is INFJ. For me, the spirit of caring is secondary to knowing what the heck is going on. Having to be nice and caring all the time is somewhat foreign to my nature. I learned to do it as a child because that was the only acceptable way to be a female in my family of origin. But it feels like I had to stuff myself into a box, like being inside of a puppet.

I think that what I have to offer the world, if I have anything to offer, is my INTJ-ness. However, I am not at all confident that the “real me” is well-socialized. So I’m trying to be myself in this community and learn from the results.

That doesn't mean that I don't care about other people, just that my caring may not be on the "outside" or primary for me all the time.

My feelings are not touchy now that I’m not trying to be someone I’m not and I welcome any feedback.

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Yes, I agree we can agree to disagree and move on. I still say that your statement said that no one had endeavored to offer an answer was incorrect, because of the technical problem that I couldn’t post to your blog.

Case settled as far I’m concerned.

ENTJ’s and INTJ’s are much the same on the outside. I’m basically an introvert, but when I do interact with the world my temperament is to be analytical and technical and . . . yes, argumentative.

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