Why does no one like me?

[goldenduck]

This might sound like the question a paranoid person would ask but I believe this question isn't anything to do with paranoia, it's real.

I have relationship problems, even friends and that I'm having therapy for. My therapist is the person I have been most emotionally intimate with. But outside that, most relationships I've had have been pretty poor and I don't think even my therapist can offer an explanation that can convince me.

Thinking back over my life I can only think of a couple of relationships that haven't gone horribly wrong. Anyone that I thought was my friend has deserted or betrayed me. Even my therapist said that seems to be a recurring theme.

When I got a new job I didn't know anyone and I felt alone because I just hadn't built those connections up yet. Yet when I did manage to sit by someone who I had met before I would be talking to them for a few minutes then suddenly:

"I've been told to sit over there."

"I'm going to move seats because that girl opposite me, smells."

"I'm going to leave you now so I can go and talk to those girls."

Then I go back to sitting on my own not knowing what went wrong. A guy at college who I thought was my friend, we didn't see each other for a couple of months and then I saw him on MSN Messenger. I tried to start a conversation and after a minute he went offline, I found out later that my 'paranoid' idea that he blocked me was what happened.

Then there's a couple of people at work I thought I was friends with. I though so since I talked to them on most days but when work ended they suddenly made a very fast pace towards the door without waiting for me.

It's just a similar experience throughout my life. The only person who I kind of think was a long time friend was the guy who blocked me on MSN. We ended up being together again through fluke (that's how i ended up finding out he blocked me when he signed in). At some point I told him exactly what I'm writing here and we stayed friends for a long time. Our friendship did end but at least I feel it was for a reason and that was his friends didn't like me, they detested me and it became very hard to spend any time with him.

I'm writing this because the friend I thought I had always seems very eager to shoot off somewhere whenever I talk to them, and I'm pretty sure they've set me so they 'Appear off line' to me on Facebook.

I guess the only clue that might help is my personality. I'm quiet because I feel nervous around people I don't know; I don't give much away about myself because I have quite strong shame issues. I guess the obvious answer might be that since I have these flaws that set me apart from other people then that must be it but if I do try to open up to some people they still don't seem to want to be friends.

I've had this question in my mind for at long as I can remember, I'm starting with this thread to find some answers.

Edited May 7, 2012 by goldenduck

[devils daughter]

Hi duck,

I can certainly understand and relate to your concern about relationship problems. How would you feel about asking your therapist about it, pretty much as you have written here?

Most often, in my experience, if somebody asks “Why does no one like me?” other people’s immediate response is to reassure them. Which, if people are really not well-liked, doesn’t answer the question. Are you concerned that might be your therapist’s response as well? Maybe it would be, I don’t know her. But if you fear she might not be honest maybe you could say something like: “I want to ask you something and I really want an honest answer. Please if you think it might hurt my feelings, don’t worry about that as much as telling me the truth.”

Maybe if you and your therapist can be open about why some people, at least, seem not to like you, then you can come up with some ways to deal with that, if you can’t or don’t want to change something right away.

I have had personality problems myself and would be glad to brainstorm with you about yours, if in fact you have some, but since I don't know you very well (only what you've written here on Mental Help Net) what I have to say might not be so helpful. I'm willing to try, though, if you want.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, goldenduck.

I had similar feelings and experiences when I was growing up and into adulthood. I struggled with social anxiety, low self-esteem, and lack of confidence. I have found now that people respond to me more positively when I present myself with confidence. I was shocked to see what a difference smiling and having good posture made for me. Possibly projecting anxiety causes an uneasy atmosphere? I don't know if that fits for you or not.

Anyone that I thought was my friend has deserted or betrayed me.

Did your friends treat you kindly before this happened? How do you feel you should be treated in a relationship?

How is your relationship with your therapist?

Take care.