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Is this abuse? al;kdf. I am so confused.


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So for my whole life, I've grown up with an "out-of-control" brother. He's got a really good side: compassionate, funny, etc. He also has a violent side, too. He's also got a very violent side, as well...

Today, I was going thanksgiving grocery shopping with my mom and brother. In the car ride home, he just started screaming at me out of nowhere. I knew he was frustrated about not being with all of his friends for thanksgiving, but I had no idea he would choose to take it out on me. He started saying, "You're such a b*tch! Everyone that I know hates you, you stupid c*nt, f*cking whore." He then started to punch the back of my chair (I was in the front seat, he was in back) and scream about all of the other stuff he hated about me. And then he punched me in the back of my head. I turned around and started screaming, "don't ever touch me again, it's not okay, if you hit me again I'll report you!" then he told me that if he "hit" me, my skull would be cracked open and I would be unconscious. and he started talking about everything he's done for me in my life, and what a f*cking whore I am. Then, I told him that all he's ever done for me is hit me, and mentally/verbally abuse me (which is not entirely true, because he has a good side and he has done good things for me). He then told me that he should have "f*cking killed me a long time ago."

We got back to our house, and I ran upstairs and grabbed my phone to call my counselor so she could report him. He then told me, "if you call anyone, I'll break down your door and f*cking kill you you little b*tch."

so I just called my grandma, because I was afraid he would kill me.

I know this sounds horrible, but I'm so conflicted because he is a good person when he's not so angry. I just don't want to live with him anymore, but I don't have the power to do anything because I'm 17, and my parents wont kick him out. even though he has threatened to kill them too.

I don't want to report him because I'm scared he'll hurt me, and I also don't want to mess up his future. I don't even know what to classify this as: abuse, or just anger problems?

it only happens every once and a while, and I've always pictured abusers as these evil people, not my older brother.

I have no idea what to do.

if anyone has any experience or advice about this, I would appreciate it.

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It definitely sounds abusive to me. I have to wonder what your parents are doing about this? You say your mom was in the car when this tyrade took place? What did she say or do? This sounds like a volatile situation and if there is no one there to keep you safe (a parent's job) then you need outside help. I think talking to your counselor is a good first step. I have 2 kids: a boy and a girl. DS is 9 and DD is 7. They can get into their little tiffs but if DS ever treated DD that way when they are older, there is NO WAY I wouldn't do something about it. IMHO, if your parents are allowing the abuse to take place, they are emotionally abusing you and neglecting you. I don't think it matters that he is not like this all the time. If this is how he treats you, I can only imagine what he would do to a wife or child? I pray you find someone to speak to who can help you stay safe. This is not an OK situation!

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