Brothers/ friends think I caused my husbands bipolar

[txbsn2010]

My husband's family believes he was fine until he met me, and I am starting to believe it as well and I cannot live with myself if I did. It wasn't until a friend of his got involved that his family began to doubt me and now they have convinced him he doesn't want anything to do with me. The only people he has left in his immediate family are his brothers and uncle neither live here. I am in nursing school and understand the disease process but did not know he was bipolar until a recent diagnosis so we argued.Now I know what he has and he is very delusional and has been ordered to commitment up to ninety days. Everyone is against me, his doctors never talked to me, I had medical power of attorney and he revoked it verbally while in the hospital. Theses doctors didn't put him on Lithium until last week almost a month after I had pleaded with them to do so. They had him taking 800mg of seroquel once a day and cymbalta and ambien.I did some research and when his brother talked to the doctor they realized their mistake and changed his meds and the dosage from 800 to 300. Of course his friends have convince him the problem is not that he has bipolar but our marriage. Yes, we have had our share of problems but looking back on things maybe it was because I was disagreeing with him during a manic phase where I know I cannot win that argument. Or before I knew he was bipolar maybe it was because I saw him spending everything he had on drums, ebay etc. What I want to know is from someone who has gone through this what can I do other than hire an attorney and fight like hell for him or leave. Thank you

[Mark]

I haven't lived through this but I can tell you this much. You didn't cause your husband's bipolar disorder - that cannot happen. Bipolar is not a disease that you "catch" like the flu. It is not contagious. It's something that likely results from a combination of inherent biological vulnerability and stress. You can read more details in our Bipolar Disorder topic center. No amount of stress can cause someone to develop this condition if they aren't already somehow predisposed.

Serious and substantial mental illness such as your husband appears to have is very difficult on family members. Particularly so when the illness affects people's judgments in the way that delusional problems do. I don't know what you can do to best advocate for your husband, but i do know that it is a good idea to reach out to other people who have bipolar disorder, and/or people who love/care for people with bipolar disorder, as you are doing, to better understand the situation, but also to gain support for your own situation which is troubling in its own right.

Mark

[malign]

As a (probable) bipolar sufferer myself, I'd like to second Mark's PhD. on the most important point: you did not cause anyone to have it.

Neither did his family, but it appears they don't know that, so they're making sure you get the "blame" first. Too bad there isn't any.

You need support as much as he does, it seems to me.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Malign,

I agree with what you just posted.

I am wondering if you have done anything to get yourself diagnosed? There is treatment for Bipolar, if that is what you have. Are you doing anything about it???

Allan

[malign]

Not to hijack the thread, but ...

I did see an internist last Wednesday, who suggested (I'd call the process a little less thorough than "diagnosis") bipolar, and put me on Abilify. It's hard to say because of the situational background noise, but it seems to be working, so far.

What can I say, I'm still here. :-)

[sweetcindylouwho]

to address the originator of the thread --- you did not cause his bipolar disorder, I assure you of that. As a nurse, myself, of over 25 years and someone who is now newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I can speak on both sides of the issue.

I am sorry that you have had so many trials. As a health care professional, you will learn that patient advocacy is one of the most powerful tools you have. Even if the patient is your loved one... it is very important to seek out the best care possible for that individual. It is hopeful that once your husband has his meds well adjusted he will be a bit more clear-headed about your marital / personal issues.

The family and friends who "think" they know what they are talking about are likely in denial and stand to grow and learn a great deal before they will be valid resources for your husband. In the mean time, personally and professionally you need to do what is best for him and your marriage, especially if children are involved.

'nuff said...