Parent/family bullying

[cherieb]

Due to a divorce and an injury money is very tight, below poverty level. I was hesitant and yet thankful that my elderly mother allowed me to move back to the family home while gooing through this turmoil.

I am the eldest of 5 and my father is desceesed, however my mother is alive and well at 85 years old. My father passed away in 1985 and my brother moved in temporarily to be here for my mom, but he lost his job so he has stayed.

Although I love my mother, she is mean, nasty and a real bully. I pay rent, however I can't afford to pay much becasue I am on disability and unable to work.

My mother has always been mean, nasty and selfish to me ( I believe no matter how many children are in the family a mother can treat each one differently) but I never knew why.

I try to help as much as I can but I my mom tells me that I don't do anything right and she redoes it. I offer to take her to the store, or to shop for her if I am going but she usually says "no, your brother can take me" or she will wait for one of my sisters to take her.

I have done everything I can to help her but she just usually brushes me off. My siblings ask me why I don;t help more and when I tell them that she would prefer to wait for someone else my mom calls me a liar.

No matter what I do it's never right, good enough or I never offer to help her. I am at my witts end. She complains if I don;t tell her what is going on with me but if I open up to her she spreads that private information to my siblings even if I ask her not to.

I told her that she is causing friction between my siblings and I because they are always on her side, they do not believe me because my mom is adament that I am a liar.

My youngest son lives across the street and visits me often but not when mom is here becasue moms dislikes my ex and becasue my son resembles him she doesnt like my son...yes she actually said that to me but denied it to my siblings.

I planned a trip away for my son and I and my brother is going away around the same time and she said to me "you know I don;t like to be alone, but I guess you just don't care about me"- then my son came over to visit me and she told him he was never allowed to come to her house again....my son is wonderful and kind and thoughtful.....

I am at my witts end! I stay away from her as much as I can and she never appologizes-never.

Has anyone ever had this or a similar issue and how can I get past this while I am still under her roof? Tears are constant and she smerks when she sees me cry.

I pay rent, for my own food and wash my clothes at the laundromat ans never cook here-she is afraid I will make a mess.....

[IrmaJean]

Hi, Cherie. Welcome to the community.

It sounds like your family environment that is giving you a lot of stress. I'm sorry your mom has been treating you poorly. Has she always been like this or has her behavior changed as she has gotten older? Have you expressed to her how you feel about her treatment of you? I would recommend trying to keep your distance as much as possible. Getting out of the house to socialize with friends might be beneficial as well. Make some time for yourself away from your mother. It might also help to remind yourself that her behaviors reflect on her and aren't about you. You might even find a friend who charges cheaper rent.

Take care.