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Can't have sex with my wife


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Hello to all the people. I'm 34 years old man from Russia. I'm married, and we have a great and very beautiful young daughter (she is 1 year and 8 month).

I have a sexual problem - I can't have sex with my wife. She is a great woman, very sexy and attracive, but we have had very bad relationships during the last year - there was so much fighting between us. The last month our relationships tend to become more and more healthy, but there is one thing that dissapoints us both very much - our sexual life. To be precise, there is no sexual life at all, we have sex about 1 time in a month. We have tried various experiments with it, but there is no significant progress so far.

To be honest, I'm not sure whether I really want her or not at this time. But she is very horny without sex, and the fact that I can't satisfy her makes me very guilty.

I have no idea what to do - I want to be a good husband, and I'm suffering without sex myself, but I just can't get proper erection. I think it's related to my emotional state which is very unstable and most of the time I'm feeling sadness and anxiety, after all that fighting, talking about divorce and how we will share our beloved daughter between us if we are going to separate.

So I would appreciate any thoughts or whatever you think can be helpful for me. Waiting for the answers.

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Das vidanya, chernish2 (that's all the Russian I've got [well, 'vodka' and 'tovarisch' too], sorry, but I know a couple of our members who speak it for real.)

I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble. They do say the brain is the largest sex organ. I know that when my ex-wife and I were arguing, it was a lot harder to forget it all and be intimate with her. Obviously, I hope (and expect) that you'll end up with a different solution than we did.

It seems very possible to me that you're not completely finished with the effects that the fighting had on you. It can take a while to rebuild trust, especially if you also have difficulty with anxiety in general. I don't know about the situation there, but would it be an option to talk to a counselor or someone in the church about the problem? As a couple or as an individual? If not, at least try to be honest with your wife about what's going on; she might easily start to feel responsible even if she isn't. And just showing her that you care about her feelings too might help ...

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