I need someone to talk to...please!

[Lost&alone]

I have never felt so alone and hopeless. I can't think straight, I am so anxious that I shake from the time I open my eyes in the morning until nighttime finally comes. I have lost most of my friends and feel so isolated. My adult children don't call anymore, probably because they feel helpless. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm having a hard time processing them even now. I have been on disability for the past 2 years for depression and anxiety. I moved 50 miles away from the town I had lived in for over 20 years, and it wasn't a good move. I have made not one friend. I don't leave the house. I just really need someone to talk to me. I want to overcome this feeling of desperation. Thank you for listening.

[finding my way]

When things break down all around me like that, I try to remember my training from therapy. I was taught to find my quiet center of peace and wisdom so I can find rest and a shift in the mental nightmare. You don't have to believe me, but try to open up just for sake of experiment to the possibility that there is a place of rest you can get to. It requires letting go for a couple seconds from the voice inside that is so upset. Let it have it's validity. It's upset for a reason, and thank it for letting you know. Tell it that for the sake of the whole of you, you need to be quiet for a moment and listen for another voice that has been drowned out in the panic and wants to offer quiet guidance. Sometimes just honoring that panicy part of you and thanking it for getting your attention is enough to get your system to calm down. It helps to have a therapist, but you can learn to do this for yourself over time.

Anyway, I hear you, and I'm wishing you peace.

[Lost&alone]

Thank you for your understanding and thoughtful response. I do want to help myself out of this despair I am feeling. I've read what you had to say several times already, and will probably come back to it again as I try to get through today. Surprising how much it helps just to connect with someone.

[jimmyfay2]

I like what 'Finding My Way' had to say. I agree with the concept he is putting forward. I use a similar technique. I have created a sort of sanctuary in my room, where I can shut out the world, turn on the fan, and just let the white noise of my mind wash over me instead of fighting it. Anxiety and depression tend to respond to resistance like a raging river. The more you struggle against the current, the more you tire yourself out and the more helpless you feel. I have learned to just let the river take me where it's going... it seems to know where it is going better than I do. If I let the river just take me downstream, I not only get to the calm stretch sooner, I am well rested and get to see what's on either side of me on the banks. I know that is a bit of a lengthy analogy, but I hope you see where I'm going with this. Letting go is HUGE for me when it comes to anxiety and depression. If I let go of the desire to be free from anxiety, the anxiety seems to lose alot of steam. I just resign myself, in a healthy way, to the knowledge that I am going to be uncomfortable, or scared, or shaky, or whatever, and just float through it. I recognize that I am at the calm center of all the static that is my mind when I get that way. I trust that when the moment is right, I will find myself at peace and out of the spiral that seems to surround me at times. I guess I am using a heck of alot more words to basically agree with what you've already been told... but, I've found that if I get the same information presented to me in a bunch of different ways, it starts to sink in better for me... I hope the same is true for you.

I don't know if you are familiar with relaxation techniques, but they are the mainstay in my arsenal of tools to use against anxiety. That is why I've created the sanctuary in my room. No matter how crazy it gets out in the real world, I always know that I can access the calm center once I get home. The more I practice at home, the easier it becomes to access that peace when I am at the mall, or the store, or at work... I just take 5 minutes, or less, to breathe deeply and let my thoughts burn themselves out... then I can go on with what I'm doing. One thing I've learned that is true for me is that, once my body is TOTALLY relaxed, it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel anxious, even if my thoughts are racing. I strongly recommend you look into meditation and/or relaxation... it certainly won't do you any harm, and it has done me a wolrd of good.

Keep writing... it helps you and those of us who need to know we're not alone in this experience.

-Jimmyfay2

[JustTrying]

Glad to meet you ... you are no longer alone!! Welcome!!

JT

[silentmist]

I have never felt so alone and hopeless. I can't think straight, I am so anxious that I shake from the time I open my eyes in the morning until nighttime finally comes. I have lost most of my friends and feel so isolated. My adult children don't call anymore, probably because they feel helpless. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm having a hard time processing them even now. I have been on disability for the past 2 years for depression and anxiety. I moved 50 miles away from the town I had lived in for over 20 years, and it wasn't a good move. I have made not one friend. I don't leave the house. I just really need someone to talk to me. I want to overcome this feeling of desperation. Thank you for listening.

Thanks for speaking ... more please

I've not had any social friends since 2003 and I've felt the kind of emotion you seem to be sharing in this post. It'll pass, trust me. I'm curious about what is behind the reason you don't leave the house. I was like that for years and years, I couldn't even stand near the windows in case someone saw me. I remember the desparate loneliness that penetrates right into the soul and consumes it totally.

I hope you'll share more of your thoughts and feelings with us

[maxie7]

Hi there

I don't think I can be of much help, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! I really hope things get better for you. People always tell me to join social groups to get to know people, but it's no use doing that if you spend the whole day freaking out and then not talking to anyone!! So I would say don't rush yourself and accept that you need some "you time" and maybe use this time to pursue something important to you. Maybe get some help from a therapist if you have not done so already - it does feel good to talk to someone about depression/anxiety who is objective and isn't a friend or family member, because they can really help you see things from another angle and you can talk to them freely without fear of judgment or lack of understanding.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Lostandalone and Maxie and everyone,

First, I want to let Maxie know that you are helpful even though you said that you did not think you could be. In fact, it's important for everyone to know that everyone of us is helpful. Being supportive is more important than all the facts and advice in the world. So, thanks to you maxie. :)

Losandalone, it is so important to go out of the house.

What is odd about that is that when any of us are depressed the last thing we want to do is what we need to do: go out of the house.

All anyone needs to do, once they go out is to say "Hi" to the very first person they see.

Sometimes we forget to say and do the obvious. If you made friends in your old town you can make friends in your new town. Just smile and say "Hi." If they do not answer say it louder and smile more. Everyone likes to talk about the weather. Just say, "Hi, what a nice day or what a cold day or what a rainy day."

It is important that you make the effort in order to feel better.

What do others think??

Allan

[jimmyfay2]

Just do it.

That was a great motto for a shoe company, but an even better tool for me. When I get seriously depressed, or anxious, I now use that motto as the leverage I need to make myself feel better. For example, the other day my kids were driving me nuts, they were so full of energy I thought they'd found my coffee stash and ate it straight! I was at my wits end with anxiety and was feeling overwhelmed with sadness and the LAST thing I wanted to do was walk down to the park and be around people. So I figured that is probably exactly what I should be doing, and I did it. I didn't go expecting to feel better, I just objectively told myself I should probably just go and do it because it's in all the books I've read that exercise and social interaction are vital to getting out of a depressive episode. I spent the first half hour feeling REALLY anxious and vulnerable, but then, someone started a conversation with me. We ended up talking for nearly two hours; about the weather, mountain bikes, skiing, gambling ( i live in Reno ), and so on... by the time the kids wanted to go home ( and yes, I ended up wearing out the kids! ), I felt 100% better! I discovered that more often than not, motivation follows action, not the other way around. If we wait until we are in the mood to do something good for us, we may never get around to it!

Do whatever you are capable of doing, even if it's just writing stuff out, or cleaning the house... something proactive. You'll amaze yourself!

-Jimmyfay2

[Lost&alone]

First of all, thanks to all of you for caring enough to respond. I know what you're all saying is true--especially that I need to go out of the house even though that's the last thing I want to do. And I have tried to do just that twice in the past week. Both times, I felt very out of place. It was almost as if I was invisible. And I did smile! It's as if, during the two years I needed to stop working, I lost all social skills. I live in a town that most people have grown up in. Not many people from the "outside" choose to live here. (It's such a long story of how I ended up here). Anyway, neighbors have known each other for a long time. Everyone already has long-time friends. They don't seem to reach out.

I need the courage that all of you seem to have. When I'm this depressed, when all I want to do is crawl into the darkest room and cry, it's hard to imagine that taking a walk outside will make me feel better. If I just had one person to drag me out of the house, I know it would make a world of difference. It's just finding that one person.

This isn't the easiest time of year for going places, either. People are out with their families, friends are in the stores shopping together, etc etc. That's so difficult for me to see, because I want so much to be connected with someone, as they are.

Again, as I read this back to myself, it's obvious that I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into words. I feel like I'm just rambling, failing to convey the feelings that are all jumbled up inside.

Every night before I go to sleep, I tell myself (and my dog ) that tomorrow is another day, and I'm hopeful a new day will bring me peace, maybe even joy. But then morning comes, and the familiar depressed feeling is still there. Have any of you ever been so depressed that you couldn't even get yourself together enough to go to therapy?? Just curious.

Lost&alone

[silentmist]

Hi L&A

YES ! ... It's a catch 22. Depression can make it so hard to ask for help and then to stick with it because I just didn't care, that is the depression, along with the sense of rambling.

Right now I'm starting a coarse of anti-depressants called Citalopram. It took me ages to pluck up the effort and motivation to make an appointment at the doctors, and then to figure out what to say to him.

I felt a slight sense of accomplishment and progress after getting the prescription.

I hope you can do something similar L&A

[foolsreflection]

I am 23 and I have just finished university. I was due to go into hospital for a major operation this november but it was postponed until next feburary. Because of this I have spirralled into depression fast. I find it very hard to get up in the morning and harder still to do simple tasks. The worst thing is I can't control my facial expression when talking with others, especially my family. I have always been a littel nervous in conversation with others in the past but now I am plauged with anxiety before any conversation with my family. The reason for this is I can't have a conversation without my face wanting to smile. I am not happy, I am deeply unhappy all day, but when I start to talk to my mum or sister, my mouth wants to force a smile out of me, even when I am talking about something serious. Its like ive lost all control over my conduct when speaking and get really nervous when i have to have a conversation face to face. Its hell. I am a well educated person and I am not socially inept, but I just can't handle basic social skills at the moment without making other people think iam odd, laughing at them or trying to flirt ( this is definately not the case). Its really pushing me to the limit. The other day I threw two chairs down the stairs after I had a proble with my medical appliance. I am a very moral person too, and so having people think i am some kind of loose cannon is awful. I want to cry but can't mostly, I just stew and feel bad and then as soon as I have the oppportunity to talk I clam up and avoid eye contact. I feel like iam really going insane. Is this happened to anyone else or do you have any suggestions, help please!!

[klintmad]

Hi? i know the feeling you have now. That must be the worst thing ti happen to anyone- to be left by friends. At times like this you can sublimate your help for a friend to another situation, why don't you try to read and continue doing this things like this,in this forum you can have friends same as your situation that will be a big help with you..

Just write here...

The reality of life

Consolidated articles by the reader.

[paula]

Hi

Yes this has also happened to me too, especially the clammin up business and avoiding eye contact.

I get so frustrated at times, like, is no one taking me seriously, what do I have to do to prove a point? People think I'm joking all the time, when all I want to do is say listen up here, what do I have to do to let you know that I am not playing the goat?

My worst fears is meeting people that I'm not to familiar with. Like my GP or Psychiatrist, Physiotherapist, Psychologist, even my Dentist, Hairdresser etc. I just want to get as far away as possible from all them and wouldn't bother me if I never saw either of them again!

[foolsreflection]

Hi,

thanks for such quick replies, it helps to know someone listens and doesn't judge. I feel like i can breath for a minute. I have booked to see a counsellor but the waiting period is two months (that'lle be just before i go into hospital for my operation, which is medical and nothing to do with any mental problems). I just want to be able to have a conversation with my mum or sister without feeling so scared and anxious inside. If you have any other comments, please keep em coming, just to know theyre there!! Thanks again

[paula]

Listen, I have just come out of Hospital myself, (Psychiatric hospital) I won't go into that right now, but I understand to well where your coming from.

I also suffer from Anxiety, & have now been told that I have to go back to the Hospital to have yet, more blood test done, because my blood pressure & Heart rate are to high/fast. I don't know what my blood pressure rate was but my Heart rate was 126/80. Still, thats all riddles to me! I don't know what that means?

But now there saying that it could have something to do with all the anxiety and stress that I have been suffering, as of late? They ask me whether I have had palpatations, feeling my heart race, and I told them that I don't know what I've been feeling like, anymore! As I get a different feeling every day! I don't know what is normal anymore? Its been that long since I was normal, that I've forgot what it feels like, to be normal?

Hang on in there, but you could do with talking to someone who is not going to be judgemental with you. Someone who you can talk to about anything without them feeling that you are going crazy, if you know what I mean? Someone apart from your family and Counciler (don't know whether I've spelt that right but what the hell, who gives a shit? I don't, do you?)

[foolsreflection]

Thanks again for your thoughts