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I think I may be a narcissist...


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suffer from OCD, but I'm worried I may be a narcissist. Everything just seems to add up. For the past few months I have been fixated on a music obsession. My passion is music. And recently I've been obsessed with other people listening to music, and others enjoying the same music I do. It drives me crazy for some reason. As if I've started to believe I'm the only person on the planet who listens to music, and understands music. I'm sick of feeling like this. I often think I am more intelligent than other people for some reason. I'm obsessed with being the most knowledgable person. I tend to get jealous when other people succeed, and I do not. I'm incredibly cynical. I seem to want to be the best at things. I get jealous of my friends. Jealous when they go out with other friends, I feel angry towards them. Sometimes I think I wouldn't care if I didn't have any friends. I'm so worried about this. What should I do?? When I look back at how I've treated them, and I'm not too sure if I even care. I do horrible things all the time. I take my anger out on my best friend and treat her like $#%^, and belittle her - for no reason. I always say to her 'I don't know why you're friends with me". How do I stop this? I'm so concerned with myself, and what I can get out of things. I just want to die at the moment...

I have this Otis Redding t-shirt. Am when I wear it, I start thinking everybody is looking at me, thinking I'm cool and $#%^. Thinking I'm great cause I'm wearing said t-shirt.

I'm so concerned with myself. Whenever people talk about music I always believe I know more than them, and they don't appreciate it as much as them. I feel like I just want to cry at the minute, but I cannot.

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From what you have written, it seems extremely unlikely that you suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. People with that disorder usually have only one main obsession – themselves, their social status, their financial status – anything that has to do with them and their image.

On the other hand, it may well be that you suffer from a disorder of narcissism. That’s a function of the psyche that professionals are still trying to come to a common understanding about. In the “normal” development” of a child (if anybody really has that, but maybe some more than others), the early feeling of narcissism, theoretically, develops into a full, healthy sense of who you are and how your abilities and talents mesh with the people and society around you.

Maybe the link I posted in the thread “Disorders of a sense of self” in the Personality Issues forum will help? If you can find a mental health professional whom you like and trust, he/she may be able to help, too.

If you do have a self/narcissistic disorder, then it may be unlikely that you can help yourself, by yourself. The disorders develop, theoretically, because the early relationships of the child with caregivers were inadequate, and a relationship with a therapist can sometimes (with lots of motivation from the client) help to undo and correct the problems.

I’m sorry to be so analytical and “down” about all this but I don’t know what comfort I can offer, other than maybe pointing you in a direction to make things better eventually. It’s clear your anxieties bother you a lot – they are worth professional attention, IMHO, now or maybe eventually when you are an adult.

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