I have abusive tendencies and seeking feedback

[adebrant]

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Edited January 12, 2009 by adebrant

[malign]

Hi adebrant.

I think being afraid in your situation is probably normal. No one _wants_ to be abusive, consciously. At least you've begun to be aware, which is the first step to changing. And the fear could serve as motivation.

I have similar issues, myself. Though I feel my wife is abusive verbally, I too have reacted angrily in ways that are probably abusive. I was raised as you were, never to hit a woman. So far, I've managed it, but I have put my fist, and even on one occasion, my head, through the wall during arguments, which is bound to be intimidating.

I've gone to anger management classes, with some benefit, and I've learned to accept her more, which has lowered the anger even more effectively. I can recommend both as useful directions.

Clearly, your age difference may make it hard to compete with your lady in certain ways, but there have to be things a 20yo can do better than a 40yo! :-) Maybe you can channel the competitions into areas you're more competent in.

Good luck.

[John Rutledge]

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Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi adebrant and JR,

I agree with JR. It does seem to me that alcohol brings out the "mr hyde" in you and, therefore, it is best to steer clear of the stuff.

You could try anger management classes but I have an idea that you might do better in psychotherapy.

Were you physically abused as a child or did you witness your parents being physicall abusive to one another or to another child in the family? In fact, could you tell us more about yourself???

Allan