People Pleaser...need for approval

[Whoiusedtobe]

I need constant validation and approval. It used to be that this sort of feedback motivated me and was more like a reward for a job well done, now I need it in order to perform.

This applies to the part of me that needs to feel smart and useful, but I always thought I had strong self esteem when it came to my physical appearance. Now I find myself going out of my way to obtain positive feedback on my appearance...I'm acting more prideful and vain than ever but I need reassurance more than ever. My husband has always been very attentive and complimentary about my looks and my sweet, caring, loving personality

As I look back, I see that what I thought was self esteem was based on external validation and approval...left to my own devices I am an insecure wreck.

What is wrong? How do I overcome this?

[IrmaJean]

Hello, who.

We feel we need validation from external sources, I think, when we don't feel validating toward ourselves. The problem with needing validation from others so frequently being that these resources quickly become depleted. When the resources come from within ourselves, they are always available to us. I'm slowly getting better at this, though I still have my moments. How do you feel about yourself, who? How can you build on the positive feelings you have about yourself? How can you work toward loving yourself?